Venting The only reason why I wanna die is because of my country I can't stand living in this hellhole anymore I can't do this anymore

[yariousvamp]

I'm so sick of it, I'm from north africa, the food isn't even safe, I go to the local shops and guess what I see? Flies everywhere on the food and other uncovered food, dust everywhere, i go to a restaurant and literally nobody wears damn gloves, to make everything worse, the workers would cook and take the money at the same time and continue cooking without washing their hands, I go to the clothing stores yet I never find my style, and fashion being one of my top hobbies makes everything even more depressing for me, I just wanna dress up in various fashion style and have fun, I try to openly talk about me not being a muslim anymore thinking that maybe people here are open to different opinions and no, I get treated like a fucking joke and even threatened to be killed by one of my classmates, I try to talk to people about how I feel restricted because I can't access to the fashion styles that I want and get ridiculed because they assume that i just want to dress half naked but no, it's literally modest, but everything is half naked to them, music is also a huge hobby of mine but guess what? I can never find people with my music taste to be friends with, I don't have the privilege to go to concerts of my favorite bands and artists because they simply don't preform in north africa, I see honor murder cases way too many times because a girl was raped or had sex before marriage which makes me fucking sick of how normalized it is, there was a case of a girl getting beaten in this country and everyone in the comments were blaming her for going out at night, not a single comment sided with the girl, I live with my grandmother and my single mom and obviously we're poor and live in poverty while I'm forbidden to do all the things that I really want to do and the abuser gets to have a rich life with a new wife and two sons without getting karma and people here really believe that allah will get revenge on them like where? He has a better rich life than us and has his fun in Switzerland despite beating my mom to the point where she had a miscarriage of my first unborn brother, attempting to kill me as well twice and cheating on my mom, but of course the victims suffer always.
We cannot afford clean food in this country, as I said in the local shops and even supermarkets dust and flies are everywhere, the restaurants are dirty, fresh fruits and vegetables also have flies everywhere, no matter how many times I wash my hands, clean myself, I still manage to get pinworms all the time since I was a child, I get medicine, they disappear for a while, my cousins come or I get invited to restaurants by my friends again and I can't say no, I get pinworms again, and the cycle never ends, I feel so fucking disgusting and gross just for being born, why do I have to live in a such a dirty poor country? Where no amount of Hygeine can save you for parasite infections? The food and the environment will always keep you gross, why wasn't I born in a first world country where I can enjoy all the concerts , fashions, travels, healthy safe food, safe tap water and especially you can be agnostic/atheist/christian etc in peace without being bullied, humiliated and sometimes even threatened or violently harassed for not being a muslim? Where women are actually treated as a human and not a walking-hymen-covered hole? Where women don't get killed just for being raped and have the rights to report cases? Where I get enough money to travel? I just know that I'll get denied tourist visa if I ever wanted to visit a country just because I'm poor and from a third world hole, hell I can't even afford an iphone, let alone a fuckinf plane ticket, I wish I could celebrate Halloween and Christmas, I wish I could go hiking, I wish I didn't have social anxiety, I wish I was another ethnicity of a first world country, I'm so fucking tired I wish I was never born.

 

[destinationlosangel]

I feel ur pain. Your situation is difficult. While my circumstances are slightly different I can understand ur situation because I have a degree of familiarity with it. You said moving to another country is difficult. And yes it is. Right now. Maybe if u have a long term plan, could it work? For now, is it possible to just turn things virtual? I grew up in a country with nothing much going on and that's how i eventually ended up making friends online and just being an internet kid. I've had many meaningful relationships that were built purely online. Read up on your interests, watch the tv shows/ anime u like, learn about cultures u find fascinating but at the same time, have a plan to get out of the situation? Also since u mentioned harrassment due to religion, is it possible to seek asylum in another country. I'm so sorry for all that ur going through

 

[kat6]

I'm so so sorry that that's your reality. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be. Specially when everyone around you is so indoctrinated, and you feel like you're the only one "awake" and wishing for a better life somewhere else.
Tourist visas can be expensive and hard to get, you're right. But with the valid safety concerns you have, you may qualify for an asylum visa. Have you researched that? Maybe look at the asylum requirements for different countries, even if it's not the country you ideally want to be in, just a better situation to start with….There also may be organizations that help women with costs of travel in asylum cases. It's gonna take a ton of research, and I'm sure it will be difficult and frustrating… but just from reading your story, I can tell you're so eloquent and intelligent, and if anyone can do it, it's you.
Please stay safe!

 

[yariousvamp]

You're depressed? Just take a walk bro
The walk: