primadonna_
the internet angel
- Jan 10, 2026
- 49
Personally, I would never want to cure my aspd. It gives me so many upsides, and personally I think it makes my life easier, and I don't think I'd ever last living as a normal person. Of course, having aspd doesn't mean you have to be a horrible person all the time, and you can absolutely be a good person— but unfortunately, i've noticed a pattern that if I live a "healthy" or just generally good life for too long it gets really boring. Not just regular boring, the kind of unbearable boring that makes you want to die. Not sure if this feeling is normal for people with aspd but unfortunately for me, something that provides me stimulation is emotional or social aggression. I've been trying to hold myself back because obviously you can't constantly and consistently be a manipulative bitch and not face loosing a few important people in your social circle, having your reputation be damaged, or facing other very inconvenient and annoying consequences. First time I noticed this was in middle school, around 6th grade my friend group was in weekly drama that either I was in the middle of and almost always won or some drama between a few girls that I could fuel and intensify however much I wanted too, and it was super easy because well, these are 6th grade girls. But around 7th grade that COMPLETELY stopped and I wasn't getting a quarter as much stimulation as I was getting the year before that, and I was just depressed and bored all the time it was literally unbearable for me. I didn't feel like myself and everything was boring and bland. Before this i've had depression before, for years on end, but I was always in conflict with my mother and it was conflict I slowly learned how to win and get some sort of stimulation from, now, all of that was completely gone and this was some real misery.
Now, i'm in college and of course i'm not as immature and obviously more developed than I was in the 7th grade and i've learned to deal with it more, but sometimes it just gets so bad. Like i'm genuinely getting physical sensations from it, like an urge to do something dangerous or completely trash and destroy whatever's around me, which I have acted on as a kid and obviously it doesn't turn out well. So now i'm stuck in this cycle of boredom and the need to do something bad which makes me feel great, but now that i'm older and people aren't as stupid as they were in middle school it makes it a little harder. I mean I can get away with it time to time, but it's genuinely making me suicidal. Anyone else with aspd feel this absolutely insane brain frying boredom?
kill me smh
not really tho
Now, i'm in college and of course i'm not as immature and obviously more developed than I was in the 7th grade and i've learned to deal with it more, but sometimes it just gets so bad. Like i'm genuinely getting physical sensations from it, like an urge to do something dangerous or completely trash and destroy whatever's around me, which I have acted on as a kid and obviously it doesn't turn out well. So now i'm stuck in this cycle of boredom and the need to do something bad which makes me feel great, but now that i'm older and people aren't as stupid as they were in middle school it makes it a little harder. I mean I can get away with it time to time, but it's genuinely making me suicidal. Anyone else with aspd feel this absolutely insane brain frying boredom?
kill me smh
not really tho
