Venting The most stupid reason I guess

[[EmptySpace]]

I don't know. There've been already two years since I started wanting to ctb. There were a lot of reasons. I didn't see a point in life, I was scared of future, I didn't want to get old and became uglier and so on.
But now... I think it's the most stupid of all. I fell in love with hetero-aromantic girl. AGAIN. I had been fallen in love with her last year. It was horrific. She stopped talking with me. Than I decided to move on. But i failed. A few days ago she found out I have feelings for her again. And she stopped talking to me again. I think I won't take it anymore. She's so nice person. I don't want to make her nervous. I don't know why I'm so cringe person. I know that she will never love me, "no" means "no" so wtf is wrong with me!? I'm disgusted with myself. I think it's an end. But ehhh i'm afraid that when I ctb, she'll be blaming herself. But It's really not her fault, it's mine. Agrh!! Life is so difficult! :(

 

[dinosavr]

Nothing that makes you want to kill yourself is stupid. Not. A. Thing. And objectively it's absolutely heartbreaking what happened to you. I guess that's what sucks about being LGBTQ cause we get abused and it's incredibly hard to find anyone who would love us back (and when we do, they're probably just as mentally fucked up like we are). Don't think of yourself like that! The heart wants what it wants and there's not much you can do about it :(