I am at home. I tried killing myself once and it didn't work at all. I wasn't even sure about suicide methods. I just randomly popped all the medicines in there are nothing happened. I just felt sleepy and drowsy. I just want to fucking die right now. I have no place to hang myself. And i have no access to guns in my country. I can't even buy poison because my parents monitor me 24/7. I have a brother who triggers me at all times and i hope he stays alive and in pain. Same to my fucking parents who don't allow me to die. I can jump in front of a train but I don't have the guts to do that and my fragile self will probably back away at the last moment. I feel like I should sneak out of the house today and just stay at the railway station for some time and observe everything. I hope i get caught by my parents and then they understand why one should have the right to die. I hope than ill be able to die peacefully. But this will not happen at all. I feel shitty venting out here but guess what I just want attention. I want people to notice me. I just care about money like my parents who just care about money. I got hit by my younger brother today and it feels so hurt to ego. He should listen to me. I just want to die right now. I don't like my body and my mind. I hope when i get rebirth then I'll have a wonderful body and a wonderful mind nothing like this mess i am. I hope that ill get reborn into the actual me I am supposed to be born into and have the proper people who the actual me deserves to have.
Everything has come to the point that I can't even think straight nowadays. I can't focus on studies and nothing goes in my brain if I write notes even. The only thing i can think of about school is the open windows and why don't i jump from there. The only thing i can think at a train station is jumping in front of it. The only thing that i can think when sleeping is dying in my sleep and then I don't have sleep at night only. I hope i can live happily in my next life because I am supposed to be around people who don't spend every single thought of me is on how to be benifitted from me. My brother is an idiot and he should stay alive I don't fucking care. He should have the most painful death and that is living. This applies to my parents as well. I hope they just stay alive in pain.
I need to calm down right now but nobody cares. I hope nobody will see this post. And nobody should get affected by it. I just want to die right now and i need methods. Someone should just create a list of suicidal methods on this forum. People feel bad aftee their closed ones die not when the are alive and crying for help. I need a restart button not death but that restart button does not exist and I am just stuck in this form with this bad voice and hair and fat body. I am fat like 90 kgs only at 14 tears old. I don't know I'll probably die young of diabetes but who cares. I just want to stop eating. But everyone in my house forces me to eat food. They should just stay alive in pain. I hate my hair. It is thin and falls out all the time. I'll probably die of embarrassment by being bald. I hate my voice. Its just so annoying and very high amplitude and loud. I don't care but thinking of myself makes me want to kill myself even more. I hate my crying tendencies which occurs so frequently. I hate being weak. I am weak and useless. And I can't even climb a set of stairs. I'll probably even break the ground if i step on it. I just want to die. I am that living fat lady meme who when falls breaks the ground below her. I am a girl. I hate being the boring nerd i am. I wished that i had hobbies other than studying and reading studies books. I don't think I have done anything I love because anything I love is just nonexistent. I just want to fucking die. I don't fucking care.
Everything has come to the point that I can't even think straight nowadays. I can't focus on studies and nothing goes in my brain if I write notes even. The only thing i can think of about school is the open windows and why don't i jump from there. The only thing i can think at a train station is jumping in front of it. The only thing that i can think when sleeping is dying in my sleep and then I don't have sleep at night only. I hope i can live happily in my next life because I am supposed to be around people who don't spend every single thought of me is on how to be benifitted from me. My brother is an idiot and he should stay alive I don't fucking care. He should have the most painful death and that is living. This applies to my parents as well. I hope they just stay alive in pain.
I need to calm down right now but nobody cares. I hope nobody will see this post. And nobody should get affected by it. I just want to die right now and i need methods. Someone should just create a list of suicidal methods on this forum. People feel bad aftee their closed ones die not when the are alive and crying for help. I need a restart button not death but that restart button does not exist and I am just stuck in this form with this bad voice and hair and fat body. I am fat like 90 kgs only at 14 tears old. I don't know I'll probably die young of diabetes but who cares. I just want to stop eating. But everyone in my house forces me to eat food. They should just stay alive in pain. I hate my hair. It is thin and falls out all the time. I'll probably die of embarrassment by being bald. I hate my voice. Its just so annoying and very high amplitude and loud. I don't care but thinking of myself makes me want to kill myself even more. I hate my crying tendencies which occurs so frequently. I hate being weak. I am weak and useless. And I can't even climb a set of stairs. I'll probably even break the ground if i step on it. I just want to die. I am that living fat lady meme who when falls breaks the ground below her. I am a girl. I hate being the boring nerd i am. I wished that i had hobbies other than studying and reading studies books. I don't think I have done anything I love because anything I love is just nonexistent. I just want to fucking die. I don't fucking care.
