The most lost i’ve ever been

[Butterflycharm3636]

Hey im back, I was really active on here a couple months ago, I moved to college and am currently at college, things have been okay I guess, up until about a month ago. My depression took over and I havnt been able to go to s class in a while. Im so so so behind and i feel like im so far behind I can't even show my face anymore. like i'm at the point of no return. and that's how i feel about my life right now. Im so far gone in all these bad habits (procrastinating, Selfharm, drinking, vaping, smoking, unhealthy habits) and i've been doing them for so long and so much i don't feel like i'll ever be able to stop. ontop of that im freshly 18 and already 700$ in debt. My grandpa bought me a laptop and i smashed the screen and havnt told him bevause the repair is 600$ and then ontop of that a bunch of little things like relationships with people, I was SA'd a couple days ago. I feel unwanted and lonley and then tonight i found out my car was towed. i also hâte everything about myself and i keep missing therapy and not taking my meds. im up all night and sleep all day. i have no communication with my dad anymore he has blocked me on everything. my mom lost her job so now she can't even afford to buy food for herself. my sister is being verbally abused by my dad. my grandpa is mad at me for my spending habits. I just can't do it anymore. I can't. Im so tired. I've never been more lost in my life and anytime i bring it up to anyone that matters like my grandpa or my mom i just get in trouble and get lectured. i don't know what to do anymore. I have fought this fucking mental health battle for so long. since fuckinf 5th grade. back to back ed's and cutting and suicide attempts. Was it really all for nothing. was rehab for nothing. was inpatient for nothing. was therapy since i was 6 for absolutely nothing. This is how it ends. I wanted to be that person who gets better, that everyone can look up to. but I can't. Im too selfish. Life is too hard, and in the end it was all for nothing.

 

[SpacexJunkie]

Apparently I have been being too "nice" to people who are considering offing themselves, because I was strongly discouraged from doing so by a moderator, but you seem to genuinely want to get better, I hope if you do, that you find someone to talk to, if you feel nobody else will talk to you my messages are always open, I am not here to change your mind but instead offer support.

 

[Butterflycharm3636]

Apparently I have been being too "nice" to people who are considering offing themselves, because I was strongly discouraged from doing so by a moderator, but you seem to genuinely want to get better, I hope if you do, that you find someone to talk to, if you feel nobody else will talk to you my messages are always open, I am not here to change your mind but instead offer support.

I do want to get better but I don't know if i physically can, but thank you for your kind words.

 

[SVEN]

Yeah, sometimes we get tired of constantly getting back up just for life to smack us back down again.

 

[SpacexJunkie]

I do want to get better but I don't know if i physically can, but thank you for your kind words.

I'll leave you a quote here, "even if you can't do something, trying to achieve the impossible is a worthwhile task, especially if you succeed". Good luck to you

 

[Butterflycharm3636]

Yeah, sometimes we get tired of constantly getting back up just for life to smack us back down again.

exactly like why keep giving me false hope

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really so dreadful how people suffer so much, it truly is such a cruel existence, I understand why you'd feel so tired of it all.