I've made painstaking preparations for my exit: the industrial tank, regulator and flow gauge, tubing, and bag are all meticulously assembled. I'm confident in the where's and how's. For me, the most agonizing part of this process concerns my guilt associated with leaving behind a logistical mess for my only sibling, who lives in another state. I'm talking about the house I own and its contents, bank accounts, debts, etc. Even with a Will in place, resolving these estate issues on my own first will take considerable time and emotional energy I simply, sadly do not have; however, I worry terribly about the legal and logistical fees he may incur to clean up any mess I leave behind. Does anyone else here grapple with this part of the equation?
It's definitely something to consider. I know someone who lost his mother...they believe it was a pill overdose, but the body wasn't found for days and basically an entire Hazmat crew had to come in and clean the house, which smelled sickening. It cost over 20K to clean up, insurance didn't cover it. She left a will and had her estate pretty much in order, but it still took a year for her to get everything worked through, the house cleaned and sold, because it was willed to him, etc. It was a mess. He's absolutely scarred from having to deal with it. If you do decide to go through with this, I would not do it in your house if you plan to leave the house to your family. Also, the emotional scars left behind are pretty real for the ones left behind. It's something a lot of people grapple with I think.
TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,710
Yes, it's a big factor for a lot of people, and also a factor for me (especially if I have the ability to choose other locations). I am planning to CTB away from my parents' home or any guests' home and in a remote area. The next best option is a hotel, but again, if I can find a remote, quiet location, with no risk of intervention or discovery pre and mid-attempt, then I'd be more than willing to minimize the mess I leave behind (my method is a firearm so it will be extremely messy and also scarring). Keep in mind I didn't choose the firearm because of the messiness it causes but due to it's reliability. Had I had legal, reliable access to certain substances with a high rate of success then I would have chosen those instead.
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
There's loads of shit I have to do before I can even consider it and I can't be bothered. If I could do that I could live
TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,710
That is true, and sadly, given that we live in a prohibitionist society, anti-choice, pro-life society, this is the unfortunate outcome for those who wish to exit on their own terms. However, I prioritize much more in a successful attempt than the aftermath of it. If people don't wish to have to deal with all the negatives of the aftermath, then they would be pushing for legalizing voluntary euthanasia (along with checks and systems in place to prevent abuse).
Thank you, breachingthevoid. I will ensure my body is found within a few hours after death, and most likely in a hotel room. A suicide within one's home can also necessitate a disclosure during resale, which can scare away prospective buyers. I'm realizing that I may need to donate my possessions and sell the home myself beforehand to prevent a logistical nightmare for my family, but I don't know where I will find the heart or energy to do so.
I understand, Mr2005! The prospect feels overwhelming beyond words.
I worry about the reliability of a firearm--one's aim, the possibility of flinching, etc. If you have access to a quality tank of inert gas, the exit bag method seems the most reliable and painless/peaceful to me. I obtained the tank and all supplies legally for less than $200, and assembly is extremely simple, thanks to the detailed instructions available on this forum.
CTBing peacefully and reliably (via inert gas) in a hotel room, several hours before Housekeeping is likely to knock and come in, seems the most reliable to me. Death is assured, but one's body is still fresh.
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mooncake
Student
- Aug 7, 2020
- 116
The financial burden I'd be putting on my mother is something I think about a lot. Where I live, burials are mandatory and you have to buy a plot on a cemetery. So even the cheapest burials will be over 2000€. I dont have that money, and I'm pretty sure I'll have to spend all of what I have left on ctb peacefully. I also feel bad for the fact that she will have to organize everything when I'm gone, as me planning ahead at my age will probably raise some red flags with any funeral home operators. I already found a funeral home that seems very progressive, and is not afraid to talk about suicide in the context of healing for those left behind. Still I'm not sure how much I can plan ahead in regards to the burial and administrative stuff without raising suspicion.
Besides, there are certain administrative processes, that simply can't take place while I'm alive, and will have to be handled by relatives, This makes me feel really guilty and increases the pressure
Besides, there are certain administrative processes, that simply can't take place while I'm alive, and will have to be handled by relatives, This makes me feel really guilty and increases the pressure
Deleted-User-0
Experienced
- Jan 30, 2020
- 217
I have come to peace with this part. If I commit suicide I'll leave a mess behind anyway physically and mentally it's just to a different degree for different people.
It might sound selfish but I try my best to sort out things as much as possible but the rest would be part of my mess anyway.
I'm planning on doing it out in the woods. I'm going to break up with my boyfriend first and move what's left of my stuff into a small storage locker. They'll find me when they find me.
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