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A clown 🤡
- Jan 2, 2023
- 201
About 4 - 3 years ago (don't remember well) i tried to enter sophomore high school several times but i barely lasted 1 month each time because of how mentally unbearable it was.
I have to say that i suffered years of trauma and neglect in my childhood and adolescence, plus the environment at home was quite toxic. Also the educational system in my country is a huge mediocre shit, but people like me have it even worse.
The psychologists and psychiatrists i had were condescending, cruel and indifferent trash who only wanted to make money off of my suffering (i'd rather kill myself than be vulnerable and humiliate myself in front of another 'mental health professional').
I have only recently gotten along a little more decently with my small family, although i don't feel almost any sense of connection with them because part of the trauma and neglect was because of them, so i don't feel totally comfortable with them, before i didn't have absolutely no one to really talk about my problems honestly.
Sorry if i'm being a little too vague in my words but i don't feel comfortable enough to share more details, in some way i think that in part all the invalidation and mockery that i received for many years from various people makes me afraid that if i share more details i'm going to be laughed at and invalidated again, people are so cruel.
Nowadays i'm still pretty screwed by everything i've been through, i feel like i'm 80 years old and like i have a slight dementia but i'm in my early 20's (i'm not saying exact age because i don't want people who know me to identify me here in the forum). I was and still am a fairly lonely person so my social skills are very mediocre.
I have to say that it is quite difficult for me to verbalize what i have in mind, the ideas are there but for some reason (crippling anxiety, insecurity, i have no idea) it's very difficult for me to say it at the same level as i think it, with little information about me it could even seem like i have some mental retardation.
When i see that some people here have a master's degree or even a PhD it only reminds me how useless my brain is, although then i remember that there are many factors and variables at play, so i think it's absurd to think that a person got to where they are solely by their own. I think of it more as 'a lot factors and variables came together to reach that result'.
Now that i remember, i have received quite a few blows to the head although they did not knock me unconscious, perhaps that is a factor that influenced why my brain is so damaged.
I even have to admit that i'm afraid that by posting this i'm going to get banned, maybe because i think they could see me as too stupid, i don't know, i hope mods don't do a similar thing that other cruel people in my life did.
I have to say that i suffered years of trauma and neglect in my childhood and adolescence, plus the environment at home was quite toxic. Also the educational system in my country is a huge mediocre shit, but people like me have it even worse.
The psychologists and psychiatrists i had were condescending, cruel and indifferent trash who only wanted to make money off of my suffering (i'd rather kill myself than be vulnerable and humiliate myself in front of another 'mental health professional').
I have only recently gotten along a little more decently with my small family, although i don't feel almost any sense of connection with them because part of the trauma and neglect was because of them, so i don't feel totally comfortable with them, before i didn't have absolutely no one to really talk about my problems honestly.
Sorry if i'm being a little too vague in my words but i don't feel comfortable enough to share more details, in some way i think that in part all the invalidation and mockery that i received for many years from various people makes me afraid that if i share more details i'm going to be laughed at and invalidated again, people are so cruel.
Nowadays i'm still pretty screwed by everything i've been through, i feel like i'm 80 years old and like i have a slight dementia but i'm in my early 20's (i'm not saying exact age because i don't want people who know me to identify me here in the forum). I was and still am a fairly lonely person so my social skills are very mediocre.
I have to say that it is quite difficult for me to verbalize what i have in mind, the ideas are there but for some reason (crippling anxiety, insecurity, i have no idea) it's very difficult for me to say it at the same level as i think it, with little information about me it could even seem like i have some mental retardation.
When i see that some people here have a master's degree or even a PhD it only reminds me how useless my brain is, although then i remember that there are many factors and variables at play, so i think it's absurd to think that a person got to where they are solely by their own. I think of it more as 'a lot factors and variables came together to reach that result'.
Now that i remember, i have received quite a few blows to the head although they did not knock me unconscious, perhaps that is a factor that influenced why my brain is so damaged.
I even have to admit that i'm afraid that by posting this i'm going to get banned, maybe because i think they could see me as too stupid, i don't know, i hope mods don't do a similar thing that other cruel people in my life did.
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