Venting The loneliness is fucking killing me.

[fuckthis]

I wish I was confident and had friends/girlfriend. It digs much deeper than just wanting to be fucked, I just never really talked about anything beyond the superficial stuff because I was afraid of judgement. I don't like to sound sappy because it's not who people think I am, and besides I never really took myself as someone who is sappy, but holy fuck I want someone to love me. I want to hold someone and I want them to appreciate me. I don't want to be nothing anymore, I want a purpose and a sense of being wanted by somebody. It's depressing when you have no one in your actual life to comfort you, no one there to tell you they honestly love you and that they'll be there for you. It damn near feels impossible to find someone like that right now, I honestly believe I'll spend the rest of my days alone because it's just who I am at this point. I make jokes about being lonely or having no friends but there are truths to it. I honestly do feel like shit because of it. I sometimes wonder if it's just better off staying where I am now. You familiarise yourself with loneliness but you can't familiarise yourself with heartbreak, when someone you give so much influence over leaves your life it's fucking terrible every single time. I guess what I'm saying is that in some cases I'm probably better off having no friends or relationships, because despite the isolation that it brings every single day, I'm at least comforted with the fact that these feelings I am experiencing are not new.

Maybe one day I'll fully understand what it's like to be a happy and functioning human within in this society, though those types of people generally seem as if they are entirely different creatures to me. I don't even feel like I am a 16 year old boy, I feel like I am nobody. Merely a piece of meat that has been told how to behave and feel. Labeled and forced to regurgitate information for 12 years until I am told just how intelligent I am on a piece of fucking paper. I let these fucking people dictate how I should feel and I totally fell for it because I am fucking weak minded and impressionable.

 

[Eren]

I understand you, I do not know how old you are, I'm 24 and I have no hope of improving in that aspect of my life, I think I'm doomed to be alone, it's something that really sucks.

I want to hold someone and I want them to appreciate me. I don't want to be nothing anymore, I want a purpose and a sense of being wanted by somebody.

I feel exactly the same, hugs.

 

[15dec]

I understand how you feel. Sending you hugs ♡

 

[JustAboutDone]

I'm so sorry you feel like this, it's awful to feel totally alone and want people to be with and understand you. People can be really judgemental and it can be hard to express how you feel as no one likes being judged and criticised - it can really affect you self esteem and make you less likely to open up to anyone. Have you got any friends who are loyal to you?

 

[fuckthis]

I'm so sorry you feel like this, it's awful to feel totally alone and want people to be with and understand you. People can be really judgemental and it can be hard to express how you feel as no one likes being judged and criticised - it can really affect you self esteem and make you less likely to open up to anyone. Have you got any friends who are loyal to you?

All my real friends left me, as for online ones - I had one but I left her too because I feared I was dragging her down with me.

 

[JustAboutDone]

All my real friends left me, as for online ones - I had one but I left her too because I feared I was dragging her down with me.

It's gutting when people leave you, it makes it harder and harder to put your trust in new people and that makes life even more isolating :-( Don't fear that you are dragging people down, people who care about you will want to be there for you and support you x

 

[Final Escape]

I wish I was confident and had friends/girlfriend. It digs much deeper than just wanting to be fucked, I just never really talked about anything beyond the superficial stuff because I was afraid of judgement. I don't like to sound sappy because it's not who people think I am, and besides I never really took myself as someone who is sappy, but holy fuck I want someone to love me. I want to hold someone and I want them to appreciate me. I don't want to be nothing anymore, I want a purpose and a sense of being wanted by somebody. It's depressing when you have no one in your actual life to comfort you, no one there to tell you they honestly love you and that they'll be there for you. It damn near feels impossible to find someone like that right now, I honestly believe I'll spend the rest of my days alone because it's just who I am at this point. I make jokes about being lonely or having no friends but there are truths to it. I honestly do feel like shit because of it. I sometimes wonder if it's just better off staying where I am now. You familiarise yourself with loneliness but you can't familiarise yourself with heartbreak, when someone you give so much influence over leaves your life it's fucking terrible every single time. I guess what I'm saying is that in some cases I'm probably better off having no friends or relationships, because despite the isolation that it brings every single day, I'm at least comforted with the fact that these feelings I am experiencing are not new.

Maybe one day I'll fully understand what it's like to be a happy and functioning human within in this society, though those types of people generally seem as if they are entirely different creatures to me. I don't even feel like I am a 16 year old boy, I feel like I am nobody. Merely a piece of meat that has been told how to behave and feel. Labeled and forced to regurgitate information for 12 years until I am told just how intelligent I am on a piece of fucking paper. I let these fucking people dictate how I should feel and I totally fell for it because I am fucking weak minded and impressionable.

You are only 16? Life is likely to kind of suck when you are a young guy. You haven't came into yourself yet. I mean you are still learning how to navigate your existence. Guys start out biologically low value when young, then gain value if u build your skills and as u age. It's the opposite for women, we start out biologically rich but grow poor as we age, at least in status and value, some women get rich materially with age if they made good career or partner decisions.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

If you're ever interested and super non-judgmental, PM me & I'll share how I escaped the worst of my many-years-long loneliness. I'm obsessed with talking and learning about loneliness.