Discussion The legit suicide attempt vs attention seeking attempt discourse

[BridgeJumper]

Okay so I apologize in advance if its kinda offensive but sometimes I think doing things like slitting wrists horizontally, paracetamol od etc are not legitimate attempts. Theyre either cries for help from desperately unwell people or attention grabs. Ashamed to say I used to do things like pop five xans or drink a shot of non bleach bathroom cleaner, or cut my wrists in a park just so I could get attention. And now I seem convinced that only things like train, jumping, gun etc are legit. I want to go all out and never go back. I feel like for me, dabbling in the tame stuff is just drama. I apologize if its highly offensive but these are my thoughts, and my professionals seemed to share them before I went overkill with 200 pills and then 15 meter jump.
What are your thoughts on this?

 

[SpottedPanda]

I've met numerous people who told me of their 'suicide attempts', but boiled down to nothing more than reckless self harm or cries for help.

I've heard of disastrous actions from the tragically uninformed such as injecting bleach. That is the 'I assume it'll kill me' group.

Then I've read stories on here about the rope breaking, or being found, and those sound like sincere attempts.

Right now, I'm just going to experiment with the Night Night method, in the hopes that 'oh I'm passing out' turns into 'he died'.

 

[Saed]

Sometimes,it can indeed be a cry for attention,but I think suicide is so hard to accomplish successfully,people literally don't know how to do it.
They are desperate,and resort to methods they've seen in the movies.
I've run the gamut,I tell ya. If SN doesn't do me in,I have no idea where to go next.
I wouldn't judge or dismiss anyone as an "attention seeker", unless I knew them personally and they are. Still,self-harm is clearly a sign of a desperately unhappy individual.
Both positions are equally shitty,imho.

 

[lostangel]

While some people's attempt may be a cry for help I think saying people who attempt those methods are only doing it for attention can be harmful. If someone told me the first time I tried to ctb that it was nothing more than 'attention whoring' then I would've felt awful. Some people don't know that those methods have a low success rate. But then again some people do, do it for attention.

 

[BridgeJumper]

While some people's attempt may be a cry for help I think saying people who attempt those methods are only doing it for attention can be harmful. If someone told me the first time I tried to ctb that it was nothing more than 'attention whoring' then I would've felt awful. Some people don't know that those methods have a low success rate. But then again some people do, do it for attention.

Im aware of this. I would never tell someone using innacurate methods this. I would guide them to better alternatives. Its just my self hate talking at me

 

[SpottedPanda]

I think if by doing it for attention people mean a cry for help then it's fine to use that term, though it seems that to accuse someone of taking an action for vanity or ego purposes is counterproductive.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

OP, I really appreciate that you put it out there that you had attempts/not attempts that were attention-seeking, and are identifying what it looks like.

It happens. And sometimes people get really offended when someone else calls it out, and anyone who calls it out may get shamed by the attempter and/or others, which is a defense/evasion tactic that may or may not be intentional at the time. Sometimes people don't know how to manage knowing why they do what they do, and sometimes they can't manage others knowing (and sometimes both). What do you think about this? Does that accurately reflect your motivations at the time?

In the past, I had a tendency to feel strongly offended by such plays to take my attention, manipulate my emotions, and try to manipulate my support. OP, I wonder how you respond to that, now that you have some distance? And I also get that sometimes people manipulate because they don't know how to directly get their needs met. Was it like that for you, OP?

A couple of examples I experienced.

Twenty years ago, I had a friend in university who "attempted" with pills but made a point to text a friend so she'd get interrupted. At the time, I felt a lot of disgust for that and got quite judgmental about it. I have felt guilty for going off on her later, but now as I remember it from this perspective, my feelings of offended disgust make sense to me, because it was quite an emotional manipulation; but with distance, I also remember how incapable she was at getting her needs met, and the controlling family she came from.

I had another friend who was in love with a guy who didn't love her back and never had, but they were enmeshed, co-dependent friends. When he'd date someone else, she would cut, and then put her arms on display. She admitted to me she did it for his attention and to make him feel badly/shamed, and to get everyone else's attention, too (we were a group of friends). By that time, I'd stopped taking on such things, and when she told me she'd done it intentionally, my response was "meh," no shock value for her to feed off of, not my drama (perhaps reflecting what the OP said about drama?). And I actually was supportive of her when she talked to me about suicide and her plan. I never tried to change her mind, I just listened and let her own her stuff. She felt heard.

On the forum, I tend to get irritated about attention plays. There's already so much support going in here, quite willingly and compassionately, I get pissed when someone is trying to take more than what is offered, or take it from a different angle when it's already on offer directly. That pisses me off irl, too, it's one of my most detested manipulations: I offer, it's denied, the it's taken in a different, contrived situation without my consent. Don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, but to me that's some sick shit, because I feel sick about it. Toxicity often makes someone feel absolutely sick, I think it's an accurate gauge of what's happening, and such feelings exist to warn and protect us. I'm no going to override them because someone tries to tell me a different story or try to shame me; that's how I get fucked over and victimized.

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

Okay so I apologize in advance if its kinda offensive but sometimes I think doing things like slitting wrists horizontally, paracetamol od etc are not legitimate attempts. Theyre either cries for help from desperately unwell people or attention grabs. Ashamed to say I used to do things like pop five xans or drink a shot of non bleach bathroom cleaner, or cut my wrists in a park just so I could get attention. And now I seem convinced that only things like train, jumping, gun etc are legit. I want to go all out and never go back. I feel like for me, dabbling in the tame stuff is just drama. I apologize if its highly offensive but these are my thoughts, and my professionals seemed to share them before I went overkill with 200 pills and then 15 meter jump.
What are your thoughts on this?

Sometimes people are just uninformed, but they really want to ctb with whatever they have on their reach. Despair and urgency are stronger than anything else at that moment. Take me as an example: I swallowed about 20 different pills (from like four different substances) and I thought it would make me od then die. Sadly it didn't, but failure made me look deeper into methods. That's how I found SS.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Not read all replies, Before I joined this site, I believed cutting risks would ensure death, I believed downing pills would result in death, I was naive,
I didn't know the reality of what they could not do.
I once, in 2005 stood on a cliff with a knife, It was a cry for help,
2019 I stood on a bridge, this was not a cry for help!

 

[mx5nb3]

I attempted with a whole bottle of sleeping pills when I was 16 because I thought it was lethal. I genuinely wanted to die, but it didnt work. I ended up sick and my parents found me.

I then tried with a LOT of alcohol two times(drank a bottle of wine over the course of an hour, then chugged whisky, vodka, other 80proof drinks all mixed)
Woke up in the hospital both times because my parents found me. These attempts werent attention seeking, just uninformed, naive attempts.

I guess it just varies. Some people really want to die and just dont know how, and some may feel like they want to die but are scared so they go one foot in, one foot out. You cant judge an attempt unless you know the person I guess.

 

[Living sucks]

My first attempt I was ready to go and had the motivation but not a reliable method. Unfortunately that attempt is what has caused me to now have fear and severe SI issues.., so my other attempts were less motivated in hopes that I would die accidentally... in other words, I have the desire to do something that might be survivable bcuz then I have less fear attempting it but hope it just happens and I couldn't stop it ...
does that make sense? So it looks like it's for attention and not serious. But I don't announce it

 

[maru.]

As someone who's a huge attention whore, i'll give my perspective of this whole thing.

Personally, if i'm pushed to do it, for whatever reason (i don't want to get in too much detail about my life's circumstances) i kind of want my first attempt to fail.
Like, i can see myself deliberately sabotaging my first attempt, increasing the changes of me being saved and stuff.
If i mess up and die, wonderful, saves me a lot of trouble, if i don't, that's also wonderful, it's the plan to be honest.
I mean, i know it's terrible, but hear me out, i just can't stand the thought of people thinking i'm just an attention whore (ironic, i know) and that i'm not actually depressed in the first place.
I don't want to hear about how i'm just lazy, that i'm not trying, that i'm selfish, that i just want attention or that i'm just looking for an excuse.
I'm afraid of judgement, i can't stand it, i'm the kind of person that needs everyone to love him, i know it''s kind of narcisistic, but that's how i've always been tbh, and in my mind, if i have an attempt behind me, that no one knows was kind of sabotaged in the first place, maybe people will go easier on me.
Like, when i drop out of college, and put my family in lots of debt and become a failure in life cuz i don't know what to do with my life anymore, for example, i don't want people to talk shit about me, blame me, that kind of thing, i can't take it.
If i have a suicide attempt behind me however, it goes from "Fuck him" to "Poor him", and between the two, i prefer the latter.

I'm not gonna pretend that it isn't manipulative, it is, but those are just my honest thoughts, my plan.

If this cry for help succeeds somehow and life gets better, that's great.
If it backfires, or changes nothing at all, then i'll try a more certain, sabotage free approach.

I almost want my first attempt to fail as a way of giving life a chance, and if it doesn't work, then that's fine, i gave it a shot, but it didn't work, so i'll leave.
I don't know if i'm making any sense here, but it's just what is going through my head.

 

[Isadeth]

My fil recently ctb. He would have used a gun had one been available to him like his father did about 33 years before him. But he couldn't obtain it and used what he had. He bought an 8 inch kitchen knife. It was quite a dramatic choice for an exit I thought. He cut horizontally and succeeded. He really was determined though. The amount of blood was surprising honestly when we found him.

I miss him, and his absence hurts. But I know he did what he thought was best.

It's all in determination I believe. Anything can kill you if you want it bad enough. Some have more persistence I think. Yeah, some attempts can be for attention, or maybe for some it just appears that way until they get it right.

Either way, I can't judge too harshly as I have not succeeded yet.

 

[Forthelulz]

I dont think cutting is a suicide attempt. Yes, smetimes people do it to grab attention, mostly if they cut their wrists, but sometimes people do it in hidden parts of their body, and that's in most cases because they think they deserve the pain or they think it makes them feel better. I do believe every suicide attempt, selfharm or cry for attention should be heard. People don't do this stuff for fun, they do it because they are in pain and they should be helped. Maybe some people subconciously don't want to die, but try to do it because they think there is no other way out. It doesn't matter what their method is, they are in pain, some more, some less, but pain is what makes us all do what we do... I send my love to all of you that are hurting

 

[Lost_the_will2_live]

Sometimes,it can indeed be a cry for attention,but I think suicide is so hard to accomplish successfully,people literally don't know how to do it.
They are desperate,and resort to methods they've seen in the movies.
I've run the gamut,I tell ya. If SN doesn't do me in,I have no idea where to go next.
I wouldn't judge or dismiss anyone as an "attention seeker", unless I knew them personally and they are. Still,self-harm is clearly a sign of a desperately unhappy individual.
Both positions are equally shitty,imho.

I don't agree that suicide is hard to accomplish, due to the fact that suicide is rife around my area the last year or two, especially males in their 20's. Most of them had no previous attempts and just went and ctb successfully. I think the problem is people on here discuss too in-depth how to kill themselves but people who are successful usually just go and do it on a whim.

Most of the suicides here have been hanging, One by shoe laces from a tree, there has been a jumper into a river from a bridge not that high and also someone who suffocated himself with a plastic bag. Those are desperate attempts that Have all been successful and done without thinking. Probably those suicides were painful and traumatic for the poor souls. And I think that's the difference I see on here is most people want a pain free and peaceful death.

I don't mean to sound awful in this post, I struggle explaining what I mean and it sounds okay in my head then comes out and offends someone! Apologies.

 

[Sadkitty]

My first attempt I was ready to go and had the motivation but not a reliable method. Unfortunately that attempt is what has caused me to now have fear and severe SI issues.., so my other attempts were less motivated in hopes that I would die accidentally... in other words, I have the desire to do something that might be survivable bcuz then I have less fear attempting it but hope it just happens and I couldn't stop it ...
does that make sense? So it looks like it's for attention and not serious. But I don't announce it

Makes absolute sense to me. Now I have a proven method and am terrified.

 

[mx5nb3]

As someone who's a huge attention whore, i'll give my perspective of this whole thing.

Personally, if i'm pushed to do it, for whatever reason (i don't want to get in too much detail about my life's circumstances) i kind of want my first attempt to fail.
Like, i can see myself deliberately sabotaging my first attempt, increasing the changes of me being saved and stuff.
If i mess up and die, wonderful, saves me a lot of trouble, if i don't, that's also wonderful, it's the plan to be honest.
I mean, i know it's terrible, but hear me out, i just can't stand the thought of people thinking i'm just an attention whore (ironic, i know) and that i'm not actually depressed in the first place.
I don't want to hear about how i'm just lazy, that i'm not trying, that i'm selfish, that i just want attention or that i'm just looking for an excuse.
I'm afraid of judgement, i can't stand it, i'm the kind of person that needs everyone to love him, i know it''s kind of narcisistic, but that's how i've always been tbh, and in my mind, if i have an attempt behind me, that no one knows was kind of sabotaged in the first place, maybe people will go easier on me.
Like, when i drop out of college, and put my family in lots of debt and become a failure in life cuz i don't know what to do with my life anymore, for example, i don't want people to talk shit about me, blame me, that kind of thing, i can't take it.
If i have a suicide attempt behind me however, it goes from "Fuck him" to "Poor him", and between the two, i prefer the latter.

I'm not gonna pretend that it isn't manipulative, it is, but those are just my honest thoughts, my plan.

If this cry for help succeeds somehow and life gets better, that's great.
If it backfires, or changes nothing at all, then i'll try a more certain, sabotage free approach.

I almost want my first attempt to fail as a way of giving life a chance, and if it doesn't work, then that's fine, i gave it a shot, but it didn't work, so i'll leave.
I don't know if i'm making any sense here, but it's just what is going through my head.

Hi Maru, I respect you for being honest about what goes through your mind. I hope you find peace wherever your struggles may lead you.

 

[Iamamistake]

I g that seeing these lame methods of cutting wrists and drinking floor cleaners in movies and books makes us believe suicide to be easy-peasy, or at least that's what I thought until I started researching about it.
And I have been guilty and ashamed of trying these methods to harm, not kill, to grab attention, to hope that such acts will make things better somehow. Years back, I drank floor cleaner thinking I'll be rushed to hospital in time and maybe my parents would start respecting personal boundaries but it ended with an upset stomach and nothing else. A few years back, I also ate cockroach killing poison, though I was aware it won't harm me as I've tested it again, but as others were aware I thought I'd be saved from bullying and someone suiciding would be a big deal, a guilt-trip. It's all so terrible, when there must have been ppl out actually knowing things, the only comfort is~ now I'm beyond these gimmicks, these cry-for-help-and-attention disgusts me.

But I've felt worse when others do it (yea, it sounds sort of awful)~
A year back, my friend proudly (as I perceive) showed me her wrist with lil scratches and moaned about how she tried suicide and went on to say how lucky and great life I must be having and how depressed she's. Well, how I'm the wide world would she know my life between four walls of my house is a hell~ when the trouble with her is that she talks and talks and never listens and self-pity a lot. She had a tough family situation~ and I failed to give her support. But I can't help thinking if only she'd have been open to listening to others beside sharing her troubles, what she was going through was some bits relatable, I also had toxic parents like her, but she never cared to ask and assumed how happy my life must be. I didn't tell that's no method of suicide cuz that'd have sounded super suspicious. lol. I've distances myself from her now cuz our friendship was rather toxic but I'm guilty of abandoning instead of actually explaining reasons, all that I hope is that she finds the support and love that she's been looking for but a part of me can't forgive the way she'd show wrist cuts with self-pity.
I k that researching suicide isn't that easy as whenever one searches about it, the result is full of cliche, pro-life sh** but that's not impossible either.

 

[BridgeJumper]

OP, I really appreciate that you put it out there that you had attempts/not attempts that were attention-seeking, and are identifying what it looks like.

It happens. And sometimes people get really offended when someone else calls it out, and anyone who calls it out may get shamed by the attempter and/or others, which is a defense/evasion tactic that may or may not be intentional at the time. Sometimes people don't know how to manage knowing why they do what they do, and sometimes they can't manage others knowing (and sometimes both). What do you think about this? Does that accurately reflect your motivations at the time?

In the past, I had a tendency to feel strongly offended by such plays to take my attention, manipulate my emotions, and try to manipulate my support. OP, I wonder how you respond to that, now that you have some distance? And I also get that sometimes people manipulate because they don't know how to directly get their needs met. Was it like that for you, OP?

A couple of examples I experienced.

Twenty years ago, I had a friend in university who "attempted" with pills but made a point to text a friend so she'd get interrupted. At the time, I felt a lot of disgust for that and got quite judgmental about it. I have felt guilty for going off on her later, but now as I remember it from this perspective, my feelings of offended disgust make sense to me, because it was quite an emotional manipulation; but with distance, I also remember how incapable she was at getting her needs met, and the controlling family she came from.

I had another friend who was in love with a guy who didn't love her back and never had, but they were enmeshed, co-dependent friends. When he'd date someone else, she would cut, and then put her arms on display. She admitted to me she did it for his attention and to make him feel badly/shamed, and to get everyone else's attention, too (we were a group of friends). By that time, I'd stopped taking on such things, and when she told me she'd done it intentionally, my response was "meh," no shock value for her to feed off of, not my drama (perhaps reflecting what the OP said about drama?). And I actually was supportive of her when she talked to me about suicide and her plan. I never tried to change her mind, I just listened and let her own her stuff. She felt heard.

On the forum, I tend to get irritated about attention plays. There's already so much support going in here, quite willingly and compassionately, I get pissed when someone is trying to take more than what is offered, or take it from a different angle when it's already on offer directly. That pisses me off irl, too, it's one of my most detested manipulations: I offer, it's denied, the it's taken in a different, contrived situation without my consent. Don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, but to me that's some sick shit, because I feel sick about it. Toxicity often makes someone feel absolutely sick, I think it's an accurate gauge of what's happening, and such feelings exist to warn and protect us. I'm no going to override them because someone tries to tell me a different story or try to shame me; that's how I get fucked over and victimized.

Yes I used to get extremely offended whenever someone called my attention seeking what it is. For a long time. More than a decade actually. It still hurts me and makes me angry, especially when some lousy mental professional tries to tell me Im selfish or manipulative because I tried to jump and was seen, its anything but. But at this point I just direct my anger inward since I learned that nobody cares until Im dead.
I think we all have people like those you describe in our lives. Ive known these people, and Ive been these people. But not knowing how to meet your needs and getting desperate because of it is a subconscious behaviour, and punishing it or calling it out by piss poor inexperienced therapists only made me worse. They basically tell me Im a horrible human being for 45 minutes then act suprise when I dont improve my behaviour.

As someone who's a huge attention whore, i'll give my perspective of this whole thing.

Personally, if i'm pushed to do it, for whatever reason (i don't want to get in too much detail about my life's circumstances) i kind of want my first attempt to fail.
Like, i can see myself deliberately sabotaging my first attempt, increasing the changes of me being saved and stuff.
If i mess up and die, wonderful, saves me a lot of trouble, if i don't, that's also wonderful, it's the plan to be honest.
I mean, i know it's terrible, but hear me out, i just can't stand the thought of people thinking i'm just an attention whore (ironic, i know) and that i'm not actually depressed in the first place.
I don't want to hear about how i'm just lazy, that i'm not trying, that i'm selfish, that i just want attention or that i'm just looking for an excuse.
I'm afraid of judgement, i can't stand it, i'm the kind of person that needs everyone to love him, i know it''s kind of narcisistic, but that's how i've always been tbh, and in my mind, if i have an attempt behind me, that no one knows was kind of sabotaged in the first place, maybe people will go easier on me.
Like, when i drop out of college, and put my family in lots of debt and become a failure in life cuz i don't know what to do with my life anymore, for example, i don't want people to talk shit about me, blame me, that kind of thing, i can't take it.
If i have a suicide attempt behind me however, it goes from "Fuck him" to "Poor him", and between the two, i prefer the latter.

I'm not gonna pretend that it isn't manipulative, it is, but those are just my honest thoughts, my plan.

If this cry for help succeeds somehow and life gets better, that's great.
If it backfires, or changes nothing at all, then i'll try a more certain, sabotage free approach.

I almost want my first attempt to fail as a way of giving life a chance, and if it doesn't work, then that's fine, i gave it a shot, but it didn't work, so i'll leave.
I don't know if i'm making any sense here, but it's just what is going through my head.

This is exactly how I feel too! I jumped off 15 meter bridge into water because I knew it wouldnt kill me - but still got sympathy for pneumonia, broken foot, busted back, ptsd over water and a dramatic story that made peoples jaws drop.
I feel hated and dismissed, I cant talk about my feelings without being ridiculed, called selfish and manipulative. All the attention in my family goes to anyone hut me, so I use unhealthy ways to get it? When I jumped and was hooked to tubes for days, I have seen my parents cry. They visited me with gifts and food and asked mournfully why did I do it. Before that they just told me Im a nuisance. How can I stop when I know this is the only way to feel loved? All shrinks consistently deny I have issues too. They routinely accuse me of faking symptoms and not wanting to get better, and it often makes me want to jump and let them know I did just to spite them. Move their nonexistent conscience for a nanosecond 'She died because of how I treated her'.

Either way all responses to this thread are spot on. Thank you!

 

[Brillet]

I think most of the people who cut their wrists horizontally don't know that it's not the way that will end their lives. I don't think only that ways to commit suicide are legit. Not everyone knows how to commit suicide successfully. BUT there are people for sure who just wants to get attention.
I always leave some kind of gap, I always take into consideration that I might not die and maybe that's why I am still here after 4 suicide attempts, because even when I don't feel like something good is waiting for me in my life or that I even have a future, I try not t cut my tendons or something just "in case", because I don't really want to die, but sometimes this pain is just too much

 

[Emily123]

At number of people who do suicide , they do it to get people's attention . Suicide should not be based on some emotions . it should be a logical decision based on the fact that my life is in a situation that there is nothing that can reduce the pain

 

[Deleted member 17949]

tbh yeah a lot of 'attempts' are for attention. I don't really see that as a character flaw, it just shows how isolated and unable to normally express problems a person feels.

 

[TAW122]

No offense taken.

My two cents on this is that it's a gray matter (no pun intended). It depends on the method, a person's behavior beforehand, the planning, and circumstances, those factors will determine whether they are seeking attention. With that said, I am willing to cite some simple scenarios on what I would see to be an serious attempt versus attention seeking.

Scenario #1a:
If someone mentions that they want to die, talks about doing something, but didn't act on it, then (to me) it's most likely a cry for help.

Scenario #1b:
Similarly, from 1a, instead of only talking, but having a poorly planned attempt without thorough consideration and oftenly done impromptu, then it can be construed as a cry for help as well.

Scenario #1c:
Similar to both scenarios above, they chose a method that has a low success rate, did not plan correctly and/or execute correctly, made little effort to hide and/or go lethal with it (e.g. cutting), then it's likely seeking attention.

I could go with many other examples, but those are just a few that come to mind when someone is most likely seeking attention from their attempt versus a serious attempt. Of course, we never know exactly what is going on in the person's mind, but from someone who is observing from the outside, that is what it looks like.

Now for more serious attempts, here are a few examples.

Scenario #2a:
Someone who has done their research (the method of choice is hanging btw), bought appropriate materials (sturdy ligature and what not), prepared properly, wrote their notes, and then attempted, but failed. His/her failure was due to some unaccounted variable or circumstance, but other than that, he/she did everything else correctly.

Scenario #2b:
In a similar scenario, someone who has done their research and all, said their goodbyes, written their notes and everything, then went ahead and attempted. He/she succeeded in doing so and is no longer around suffering, he/she has successfully found peace. The method of choice is a lethal one, the person planned meticulously and thoroughly, accounted for all variables and circumstances as well as had backup plans and/or is able to adapt in case something isn't right.

In both scenarios, listed above, I would consider those to be serious attempts, as said person really intends to die, chose a method that has a very high success rate, and followed through until the end. Again, nobody except the person going through with the attempt or the suicidal person him/herself knows what is going on in his/her head, but for us observing from the outside, we can deduce that said person is serious about CTB based on the facts and information we know.

 

[wonderworld]

it's hard i think to figure out if its attention-seeking or not, even if the person is attention-seeking I still believe they are kinda ill in some way.

in the UK its kinda hard to get mental health help even if you're in the system, so you hurt yourself then take yourself to a & e to prove to them how ill you are. even then you might not get support.

i get the od-ing, it's hard to die on meds but i think most people do it because they haven't really research about it in-depth, for example, dumb 14 years old me. thought i was gonna die on 10 pills of course now i know that was an embarrassing attempt.

 

[ActualLesbian]

I feel like a lot of people have had similar experiences. I tried to od on my antidepressants when I was thirteen and since I didn't know what I was doing I just passed out for a few hours. But honestly I could never kill myself since people are dependent on me so I was trying to get attention.

 

[selfhater]

i've done that before but becuz i didn't know anything about methods or if it was successful or not but i was really wanting to ctb desperately even the sh alot called it attention seeking but i was really hating myself and can't bear being stuck in this ugly body.
i knew ppl done that for attention seeking or thought it's cool and edgy "yes they exist"

 

[maru.]

This is exactly how I feel too! I jumped off 15 meter bridge into water because I knew it wouldnt kill me - but still got sympathy for pneumonia, broken foot, busted back, ptsd over water and a dramatic story that made peoples jaws drop.
I feel hated and dismissed, I cant talk about my feelings without being ridiculed, called selfish and manipulative. All the attention in my family goes to anyone hut me, so I use unhealthy ways to get it? When I jumped and was hooked to tubes for days, I have seen my parents cry. They visited me with gifts and food and asked mournfully why did I do it. Before that they just told me Im a nuisance. How can I stop when I know this is the only way to feel loved? All shrinks consistently deny I have issues too. They routinely accuse me of faking symptoms and not wanting to get better, and it often makes me want to jump and let them know I did just to spite them. Move their nonexistent conscience for a nanosecond 'She died because of how I treated her'.

I'm so sorry for taking so long to reply, i've literally just read this now.
Yeah, i understand what you mean, it's exactly how i feel.
Like, it's so easy for people to think we're just faking it to justify our failures, or to get attention, that we're lazy and disinterested, and aren't even trying.
Attempting suicide is a way to show that what we feel is real, even if it's a toxic way of doing so.
It's so much more comfortable to have people feel pity towards us instead or judgment, even though none are ideal.
It's a way to get a break, for people to go easier on us, and to care more instead of criticize.
This part you've mentioned with your parents, man, that must be painful, i'm so sorry that this is how your relationship with them, and the rest of your family, is.
I'm also very sorry that you went through this jump, the pneumonia, broken bones, etc, it must have hurt so much.
Once again i apologize for taking so long to reply.
And yeah, i'm with you on this one, i have a desire to do exactly what you did, just not by jumping exactly, but the same reasoning.
I hope your family eventually gives you the attention you deserve, but for right and healthy reasons.
I also hope you can get better, my friend, let's do our best.
*hugs*

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

I don't agree that suicide is hard to accomplish, due to the fact that suicide is rife around my area the last year or two, especially males in their 20's. Most of them had no previous attempts and just went and ctb successfully. I think the problem is people on here discuss too in-depth how to kill themselves but people who are successful usually just go and do it on a whim.

Most of the suicides here have been hanging, One by shoe laces from a tree, there has been a jumper into a river from a bridge not that high and also someone who suffocated himself with a plastic bag. Those are desperate attempts that Have all been successful and done without thinking. Probably those suicides were painful and traumatic for the poor souls. And I think that's the difference I see on here is most people want a pain free and peaceful death.

I don't mean to sound awful in this post, I struggle explaining what I mean and it sounds okay in my head then comes out and offends someone! Apologies.

You don't sound offensive so no need to apologize. Most of us ss denizens want pain free deaths because we've been taught it's possible. Previously I've attempted with dozens of pills, failed. Then I tried poison and failed again.

My next go to was suicide by driver, that's before I found ss and discovered heroin, nitrogen, Sn and Co. Now it's hard to go back to painful methods. I think these people succeed because they're desperate enough not to care about the pain of slicing their throats and etc.