The last conversation I had with my boyfriend who passed away.

[BlueButterfly111]

The last conversation I had with my boyfriend who passed away, he was supposed to come pick me up that day, but his car broke down. I told him I just felt sad because I missed him and didn't want it to be a long time without him. (His car had broken down a few months back and I couldn't see him for a little while, because I don't have a car.) He said, "I hear you I feel sad with you, don't worry I'll work on it asap, also things will get better, I know." And then I said "I love you it'll be okay." And that was basically the last conversation I had with him. I feel so sad every day, I can't wait to end my life.

I know all I do is post about him a lot here, and I'm not trying to be annoying, but I just miss him so much. I feel so lonely without him.

 

[Infinitespace_]

all relationships fail in the end. you get bored eventually and you fall out of love, it is inevitable...

 

[BlueButterfly111]

all relationships fail in the end. you get bored eventually and you fall out of love, it is inevitable...

Our relationship didn't fail, he passed away. And I personally don't believe it would've failed if he was still alive, soulmates are real.

 

[Infinitespace_]

Our relationship didn't fail, he passed away. And I personally don't believe it would've failed if he was still alive, soulmates are real.

every relationship fails every single one... love is a momentary thing it is not in your hands. nobody is made for you, you are made for yourself

 

[areyousafe??]

every relationship fails every single one... love is a momentary thing it is not in your hands. nobody is made for you, you are made for yourself

By relationships "failing", do you mean falling out of love?

 

[Infinitespace_]

By relationships "failing", do you mean falling out of love?

yes

 

[Regen]

I'm very sorry for your loss. You can grieve and write about it here as often as you want without having to apologize. If you don't want to read it, you don't have to. Grieving for a partner hurts incredibly. Do you have people in real life who have also lost a partner? I knew a woman who was in a grief group and it helps a little. The difficulty, however, is finding a group that includes young people.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I'm very sorry for your loss. You can grieve and write about it here as often as you want without having to apologize. If you don't want to read it, you don't have to. Grieving for a partner hurts incredibly. Do you have people in real life who have also lost a partner? I knew a woman who was in a grief group and it helps a little. The difficulty, however, is finding a group that includes young people.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. I know a few people in real life who have lost a partner, but they are older people. I have been in groups for widows, but only online. It's helped a little, but most of the people in those groups are older, you're right. I found like 2 groups online for young widowers, but they were barely active. I haven't bothered to find anything in person though. Thank you for the advice though, I appreciate you caring enough to comment about the situation.

 

[bigbang33]

I am so sorry for what happened. The grief must be unbearable, I'm glad you're coming here to share with us. You can message me if you'd like to talk, or maybe just tell me stories about him.


After my divorce I was devastated and I couldn't find a way to process my grief. Someone recommended church. I was quite against the idea as I really don't like churches too much, and religion and I are ...on weird terms. However, I did look around and found a church group that literally meets at a brewery, is very progressive & inclusive. Maybe you could find a similar group, that aligns with your views.

I have no idea how to process death, but I do know that connection seems to help. So even if you reach out here, you're not annoying anyone, but it's good to have a space to share your feelings. If that place is this forum, then I'm glad :)

I sincerely hope you'll find some comfort that your last interaction was a good one, but I am sorry your heart is broken. Boy do I wish there'd be a cure for that

all relationships fail in the end. you get bored eventually and you fall out of love, it is inevitable...

In relationships you fall in and out of love. That is a normal process in long term relationships.
That does not mean that a relationship is failing. Quite the opposite actually: falling in & out of love is a component of a healthy, thriving relationship.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I am so sorry for what happened. The grief must be unbearable, I'm glad you're coming here to share with us. You can message me if you'd like to talk, or maybe just tell me stories about him.


After my divorce I was devastated and I couldn't find a way to process my grief. Someone recommended church. I was quite against the idea as I really don't like churches too much, and religion and I are ...on weird terms. However, I did look around and found a church group that literally meets at a brewery, is very progressive & inclusive. Maybe you could find a similar group, that aligns with your views.

I have no idea how to process death, but I do know that connection seems to help. So even if you reach out here, you're not annoying anyone, but it's good to have a space to share your feelings. If that place is this forum, then I'm glad :)

I sincerely hope you'll find some comfort that your last interaction was a good one, but I am sorry your heart is broken. Boy do I wish there'd be a cure for that

In relationships you fall in and out of love. That is a normal process in long term relationships.
That does not mean that a relationship is failing. Quite the opposite actually: falling in & out of love is a component of a healthy, thriving relationship.

Thank you, I really appreciate it. That's so nice of you!

Thanks for the advice, I haven't done anything to try to help myself since he passed away. All I've done is engage in self destructive behavior. I think I will just give up, but if my suicide plans fail for some reason I will consider something, thank you! That sounds really cool, I'm glad you found that and it helped!

I do wish I would've done more to help him, and I wish I'd known how much he was struggling. I would've done anything for him. Thank you for the kind words again!

 

[bigbang33]

Thank you, I really appreciate it. That's so nice of you!

Thanks for the advice, I haven't done anything to try to help myself since he passed away. All I've done is engage in self destructive behavior. I think I will just give up, but if my suicide plans fail for some reason I will consider something, thank you! That sounds really cool, I'm glad you found that and it helped!

I do wish I would've done more to help him, and I wish I'd known how much he was struggling. I would've done anything for him. Thank you for the kind words again!

You know, there is no right way to grieve. If all you do is self destructive behaviour, then that's okay. It's not optimal, don't get me wrong, and I'm not telling you to go and destroy yourself. I'm just saying, it's ok not to be productive while you are grieving.

I feel like when it comes to processing loss, society has this notion of it needing to be "productive grief". You can grieve however you want to.

I did do productive things, but I also did a lot of self destructive things. Both were and are part of MY grieving process. And once I accepted that I am not perfect and that I don't need to adhere to any standards, I felt a little bit better.

Yes, I did do great at work, got myself to the gym and did good in my classes. But I also sat in the bathroom crying at the end of the day and was cutting. Not saying it was a good idea. Not saying it was healthy. But I accepted it.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

You know, there is no right way to grieve. If all you do is self destructive behaviour, then that's okay. It's not optimal, don't get me wrong, and I'm not telling you to go and destroy yourself. I'm just saying, it's ok not to be productive while you are grieving.

I feel like when it comes to processing loss, society has this notion of it needing to be "productive grief". You can grieve however you want to.

I did do productive things, but I also did a lot of self destructive things. Both were and are part of MY grieving process. And once I accepted that I am not perfect and that I don't need to adhere to any standards, I felt a little bit better.

Yes, I did do great at work, got myself to the gym and did good in my classes. But I also sat in the bathroom crying at the end of the day and was cutting. Not saying it was a good idea. Not saying it was healthy. But I accepted it.

Thank you again, and by the way, the day you joined this site is the day I learned that he was in critical condition. I just noticed that, it's significant to me. I remember those days vividly, that date was a few days after I last spoke with him.

 

[nomoredolor]

Grief is horrible and painful and lonely and awful and just the shittiest shittiest shite

I've been using this grief journal to help me carry what happened until I can end my life. Maybe it will help you too. So many hugs. I feel seen when I read your pain. I'm sorry that you have to be here tho

Amazon.com

Anna

 

[BlueButterfly111]

Grief is horrible and painful and lonely and awful and just the shittiest shittiest shite

I've been using this grief journal to help me carry what happened until I can end my life. Maybe it will help you too. So many hugs. I feel seen when I read your pain. I'm sorry that you have to be here tho

Amazon.com

Anna

Anna, thank you so much. I feel like I'm not alone when I read about your story as well! I will definitely check it out. Hugs to you as well

 

[iwillnevershutup]

sorry for your loss,
I know I can't fully understand the depth of your sadness...but I truly hope I can ease even a small part of the emptiness you feel.
wishing for strength to carry you through this and hoping nothing heavier comes your way.
hope your boyfriend is at peace

 

[BlueButterfly111]

sorry for your loss,
I know I can't fully understand the depth of your sadness...but I truly hope I can ease even a small part of the emptiness you feel.
wishing for strength to carry you through this and hoping nothing heavier comes your way.
hope your boyfriend is at peace

Thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate it a lot!

 

[sadcausebad]

Hey, grief is incredibly hard on anyone and as corny as it sounds you're not alone with that feeling. We all experience it at some point and manage our emotions differently, I'm sorry for your loss and it's okay to vent here or look for support.

That one guy responding to you however saying nonsense is a piece of work and don't pay attention to emotionally immature people like that they're just projecting their own asinine views..

It sounded like you and your boyfriend were very much in love, hold onto those feelings and remember he passed away still loving you. Cherish those good memories and feelings!

 

[Hollowman]

yes

Well you're wrong I knew a couple that where married 70+years. The elderly guy still picked flowers out of the garden for his wife often.

 

[areyousafe??]

yes

I have a very cynical view about love. Tbh, I don't really understand it, and have never fallen in love before. I never thought anyone would love me, so I always knew I will remain alone/unmarried. I hear the words "I love you" thrown at me by people who cannot think of anything positive to say about me, so the word seems somewhat empty and meaningless.

I would say that most relationships end up failing. There are very rare cases of love where they stay in love until they die, but it's rare. It's easier to believe if you grew up with loving parents

 

[human909]

I am very sorry this happened to you, I hope you find peace soon.

 

[arandomname]

I have a very cynical view about love. Tbh, I don't really understand it, and have never fallen in love before. I never thought anyone would love me, so I always knew I will remain alone/unmarried. I hear the words "I love you" thrown at me by people who cannot think of anything positive to say about me, so the word seems somewhat empty and meaningless.

I would say that most relationships end up failing. There are very rare cases of love where they stay in love until they die, but it's rare. It's easier to believe if you grew up with loving parents

I've fallen in love, like you mention most relationships end up failing, and the pain of knowing the person you love will likely leave makes living alone the obvious choice.

Those like OP who found a pure type of love are one of the lucky ones.