Ashley_1988

Ashley_1988

Member
Dec 13, 2019
62
The People who love you wont accept that I am happy to leave
all that pain
all that sorrow
all that shame and self hate- behind

they are so scared of death that my decision to ctb will never be understood by them,
They don´t mean no harm and make me feel worse about the situation..
but the most of them will never get me- and i guess that's something I need to accept.







 
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WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,164
Exactly. That's the dilemma for all those who wanna leave. "Shall I be "selfish" and ctb or shall I keep on living just for my family/friends?"

"Selfish" might be a symbolic word but I think suicide is kinda a selfish act. I only say "kinda" because those who are suffering will not be happy at all if they just live for another people. That is not life. If you live, you gotta live for yourself and of course, you'll love many people but first you gotta love yourself.
 
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LittleBabyNothing

LittleBabyNothing

Suffering Autointoxification
Nov 22, 2020
432
Struggling with this myself at the moment
 
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Ashley_1988

Ashley_1988

Member
Dec 13, 2019
62
Exactly. That's the dilemma for all those who wanna leave. "Shall I be "selfish" and ctb or shall I keep on living just for my family/friends?"

"Selfish" might be a strong word but I think suicide is kinda a selfish act. I only say "kinda" because those who are suffering will not be happy at all if they just live for another people. That is not life. If you live, you gotta live for yourself and of course, you'll love many people but first you gotta love yourself.
I guess you´re right it is also a "selfish" act, hence I have been struggling to go through with for years. But on the other hand, i think have to accept that I am going to hurt people as well as not expect them to be show some kind sympathy toward my choice. Nevertehless I hope my suiciede note will at least make them belive that there is nothing that they could have done differently I hope they will at least believe me that it was not theire fault. But when I think about the selfish aspekt, yes i am going to hurt them it is inevitable but at the same time is it fair to me to have to stay alive just for the sake of others. ..
 
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Trisolaris

Trisolaris

Arcanist
Dec 11, 2018
447
Yes, it's something you need to accept. Most people don't understand the suffering that leads you to this decision.
 
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Blue Rose

Blue Rose

Student
Feb 6, 2021
156
Oh my ambivalent parents! You are loving me so and killing me so with other troubles and problems in my life. How can I treat that?
 
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GenesAndEnvironment

GenesAndEnvironment

Autistic loser
Jan 26, 2021
5,739
They're lucky all of my methods are shit :)
 
I

iwanttodie000

Student
Feb 15, 2021
199
Exactly. That's the dilemma for all those who wanna leave. "Shall I be "selfish" and ctb or shall I keep on living just for my family/friends?"

"Selfish" might be a strong word but I think suicide is kinda a selfish act. I only say "kinda" because those who are suffering will not be happy at all if they just live for another people. That is not life. If you live, you gotta live for yourself and of course, you'll love many people but first you gotta love yourself.
That's been my problem for years. I have stayed alive for my parents, for my partner, a small handful of people that would be hurt and wouldn't understand. I wish they didn't care, I wish they'd let me go and I am doing my best to prepare them all in my own subtle ways that this is what I want and this is what I need is to ctb. I hope they all realize that when that time comes, hopefully sooner than later, and that they can accept it. There comes a point when I just can't go on, even for those people and I hope no one would think I'm selfish for it. I am hoping to spell out a lot of things for them in my suicide note so that they have a better understanding of why I did it and that it doesn't necessarily tie back to them as a reason for me doing it. Hopefully that will bring them peace when I choose to ctb.
 
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