All my life people made me miserable and sad. I do not remember those people or what they did. I made the choice to cut out all the toxicity and then I was left alone. Life was not better, but it was much less painful. Most of my "friends" back then expected I would die in an overdose, or an accident or something otherwise unpleasant to them.
They were probably right, I think.
I was in a constant spiral that probably would have led me to CTB or otherwise find my end. Instead i'm a lonely man in my thirties without a single soul to confide in. With the stupidity (bravery?) of my youth behind me I find myself trapped in a cycle of fear preventing me from both leaving this life, or living it.
I'm not sure how I could even start to do either at this point. Surely, I should do something. Instead I just wonder where life may have planted me had I stayed on course when I was unintentionally killing myself. It was certainly a more exciting ride and even back then I wanted to die. I thought i was making the right choice by trying to get a handle on life, now I just want to let go.
I had no point here and there is nothing to say. Sometimes I like to talk to myself
They were probably right, I think.
I was in a constant spiral that probably would have led me to CTB or otherwise find my end. Instead i'm a lonely man in my thirties without a single soul to confide in. With the stupidity (bravery?) of my youth behind me I find myself trapped in a cycle of fear preventing me from both leaving this life, or living it.
I'm not sure how I could even start to do either at this point. Surely, I should do something. Instead I just wonder where life may have planted me had I stayed on course when I was unintentionally killing myself. It was certainly a more exciting ride and even back then I wanted to die. I thought i was making the right choice by trying to get a handle on life, now I just want to let go.
I had no point here and there is nothing to say. Sometimes I like to talk to myself
