The indifference of this world is insufferable.

[Yasuke]

I cant help myself when I'm all alone in this world helpless to misery and anguish, so some like me are left to rot in hell while others thrive and find reasons to live I just cant and nobody can for me. Im not strong enough and perhaps I dont deserve to live. I cant just make myself happy and find meaning in this world when all I feel and see is despair. I have to die by my own hands if I must.

its be coming more and more apparent to me that I have no other option even though I'm too lazy and preserved to. I dont want to die I just cant stand living.

It just cant be harder than being a slave 40 years miserably and not having friends, passion, a girlfriend, wife, sex, etc. Theres nothing worse than waking up into this rotten planet hating your existence groggy. What kind of sick twisted world. I dont want to live and struggle to survive because I just dont fucking care to live for anything enough for modicums of pleasure.

And The alienation, the fact that youre all alone is not fucking freeing its depressing. I want someone to care about me deeply and meaningfully but its impossible to find.

I cant imagine why anyone I dont care to put any effort into anything it's just so pointless It's too much pain for something that is so meaningless in the end.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.
Let me tell you something: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
There are a lot people here who are just like you.
As for me, I was in your shoes until last January. (Had been a NEET for almost 3 years).

The only way to beat laziness and lack of passion for living is to find a reason to do so.
In my case, I live because of my dad, dog, anime, manga, series and languages.

I hope you can find something or someone too.

Also, try to seek any kind of help. We will do our best to support you here but sometimes psych meds (they saved me) and therapy (didn't worl for me) really work.

Hugs

 

[Rolliewoo]

I agree with WornOutLife those words are so true and powerful. Do you have the option to get a dog or a cat, maybe from a rescue centre....its nature of the beast we need purpose to live something that will give us a reason to get up for, something that needs us. Its very hard to think straight when you feel so bad but I'd lay my life on it you have something you're good at....its just finding it. You aren't alone....you're very normal to feel this way.

 

[gnomeboy17]

I fully relate to this, especially where you say you don't want to die but you just can't stand living. Try and do something that takes away the pain, even just temporary. I'm only 19 but I've been switching hobbies every few months until I found that musical theatre took away the pain just enough that I can stay afloat. I hope you find something that makes you happy, and bare in mind that what makes other people happy, like a girlfriend, won't necessarily make you happy.

 

[bea1974]

Perhaps try this?

Imagine that your life is a film, you are the writer, director, editor, and and of course the star of this film - the main character and the only one that truly matters to you.

Anyone who treats you badly and/or with indifference, just picture yourself as the editor cutting them out of the film.

It's entirely up to you who gets a speaking part, who (if any) gets to be a co-star, who is just an extra and who ends up on the cutting floor.

Above all, remember that you are the star!

Shine as brightly as you can for as long as you choose to let the film run. Of course it's also your choice as to whether this is a short film or an epic ;)

 

[lonerclown666]

they dont care if you are down its scary how cruels humans are