Venting The hole...

[Dead beat dad]

It opened in the night, not sure what time, 7-8" across and maybe about 12" deep.

It is empty, like me, yet loathsome, also like me.

I'm confused as there is nausea where I was expecting nothing.

When I am asleep I am free, it came in the night and took my freedom.

I stare at the hole, my shitty curtains letting the street light come in enough for me to make out its edges and the sheets on the other side.

I'm so cross I can feel myself twisting, like a forsaken doughy pretzel.

My front is my back and my top does not match my bottom.

There is no glib articulation of sensation, no dark, dreamy metaphor that assauges this awfulness, it is fucking fucked and that's the best I've got.

Trapped, awake in the darkness with this fucking fucked hole in me, I would punch it but its a fucking a hole, which makes it more fucked.

So this is like going to be life with a fucking hole now is it, best wrap up warm and try and stop the insides falling out when I get up, or not, I mean what are your real prospects when there's a fucking hole in you?

Maybe if I go out on a windy day or ride a bike real fast it will whistle... Every cloud I guess... I never could whistle...

Tl;dr: last night was rough

DBD

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

You'd need something big to fill that hole...

 

[Sensei]

I wish I had some advice to offer, but I don't. I know how to fight anxiety and depression, but not emptiness. It's an enemy I think I'll never defeat. I hope you're luckier than me.

 

[Callie Arcale]

On a starless, moonless night someone sits on the bank of the river Spree and throws small rocks in the water. There's no reflection, no splash, no ripples and no trace where the stones hit the water. Just the greedy silence of a dark abyss swallowing things that plunge into it.

My illness is like the Spree on a moonless, starless night. It's a black void in which dreams fall down silently, and are never seen again.