The givers of the "gift of life" - do you feel grateful to your parents?

[GrumpyFrog]

As far as I can tell, the general societal norm is that you're supposed to appreciate your parents, if for nothing else, then for bringing you into this world, and that every one of us owes to their parents simply for giving them life. But here on SS we're a society of people who really aren't getting that much joy of "the gift of life" we were given. I know many people on here are antinatalists, and many others didn't have the best upbringing, so our perspective probably differs from the general societal consensus. So I would like to know - do you feel grateful to your parents, or do you feel resentful? Do you believe you owe them?
Of course I understand that there is a big difference between "normal" and cruel and/or abusive parents, and I do not expect anyone to feel much gratitude to abusers, if that's your situation then I'm really sorry. What I'm sure is that no one definitely owes nothing to their abusive family members.

I have a difficult set of mixed feelings about my mother, but generally I am thankful to her for the things she's done for me, even though I believe she shouldn't have had me and occasionally get salty that she seems to love my sister better. But when my father got in touch with me with a rather clear intent to request financial help, my first reaction was very visceral and angry. He isn't really a horrible parent, he never abused me or my mother or otherwise inflicted misery on me, he was just a non-presence for most of my life, and while he never helped me with any of my issues he was never even aware of them, since all he knows about me is the most basic details. I don't really have reasons to resent him, but I can't seem to produce any gratitude, and the idea of owing him sickens me. I lowkey wonder if that's a subtle indication that I'm a psychopath since you're kind of supposed to love your parents instinctively. Do you feel unconditional love for your parents?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I definitely think family attachments from dna alone are overrated. Family is who you make one with whether that's the people who actually raised you or a group of friends you meet on the weekends or a community on the internet, etc.

Even though I lived with my dad for 16 years (mom left when I was 11, then when my dad beat me at 16 I got to live with her since then) he was abusive enough that now I don't care what happens to him. On rare occasions I pity him because I'm afraid I'll end up like him, but not enough to ever want to deal with him again. To me, there's no reasoning with people who are constantly using their position as half of your dna to manipulate you into serving their own ego or whatever.

My mom is ok though. Sometimes I resent my mom for bringing me into this world but I know she really wanted me to be born so I can't be too mad. I was apparently her catalyst for being super religious because she prayed so hard for her first born to be a son which I was. Unfortunately that made her more of a target of my dad because he was super atheist. I think he was also proud that his first born was a son but it was more like he expected it all along... I wouldn't call my love for my mom unconditional, since I'm willing to step on the love she has for me by leaving eventually. Hopefully she can cope and ends up realizing that it's better for me this way than to keep suffering but I dunno if she'll see it like that.

 

[Inkling]

For context, I had a pretty normal upbringing as far as modern standards goes, some conflicts here and there at best, and none of the were out of the ordinary as far as I could tell, the worst thing they did to me was fail to give me guidance on a major step of my life, but that was partially on me.

I am not grateful to my parents for being alive, nor am I grateful for any of the things they did that relate to standard parenting duties. I am however grateful for the times they went beyond what the typical parent had to do. I try to pay back for those things I'm grateful for, but in the big picture, I feel zero obligation to them, I feel no obligation or debt for something I had no real option in.

I lowkey wonder if that's a subtle indication that I'm a psychopath since you're kind of supposed to love your parents instinctively.

I don't feel like this can act as an indicator of being a psychopath, there's a lot more that goes into play on what being a psychopath is. And you mentioned you're thankful for some things your mother has done, I think it's understandable if there's not much instinctive appreciation for someone who was a non-presence in your life.

 

[Fragile]

I'm thankful, not for my life itself, but for the sacrifice and dedication that my mother gave to me. She really fought in ways that I can't even describe. If I was healthy and could live this life, I would repay her for every second that she endured for me.

Even through all of this, I'm still glad I got to live and experience some good things, I don't know, maybe I just learned to enjoy any ray of sunshine I could get in the darkness that was my life. specially knowing that someone had to suffer so much for me to experience it.

And for my father... his vast wealth allowed me to live and experience much of that, and that's even considering that my own family took 99% of if after he died when I was a child in an unfair legal battle. I'm not wealthy, but I can live a comfortable life with some luxuries and independence, and it's all thanks to him, I'm still glad that he died tho, because he was extremely abusive with my mother in many ways.

 

[Good4Nothing]

My parents made me essentially retarded, then kicked me out into the world, not only ill-prepared, but severely handicapped. My life has been a shit show of constant failure. I'm almost 50 and I have nothing to show for all my trying. I tried to live, but I was dealt a losing hand right from the start.
I'm very angry at my parents.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Yes and no. My parent raised me well, they know a lot about the right things for the "real world". But they have a lot of trauma that wasn't managed well, and it shows. I also feel like I was a scapegoat of sorts. I have a lot of problems that seem to be traced back to my childhood, but at the same time I don't remember much. I dunno. Seems like dissociation and depression completely wrecked ny memory. But then why would I be suicidal from around age 10? 11?

I know my parents aren't really that bad. :/

 

[Toptock]

Nobody is required to demonstrate unconditional love to their parents. That's a societal tradition meant to keep children subservient. An individual cannot feel unconditional love, there are always conditions.

I'm sorry that life is so complex that it's hard to figure out, but parents will love you because they're required to. They think to say it's "unconditional" because if they say that, you'll begin to understand that its your job as a child to serve your parents needs.
You shouldn't feel guilty for being so comfortable being an individual that you can recognize that divide.

Remember, people grow apart, for any reason. If you feel distant, there's probably a good reason.

 

[Bensharp]

The giver of the gift of life is God but I guess I am barking up the wrong tree here

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I'm thankful, not for my life itself, but for the sacrifice and dedication that my mother gave to me. She really fought in ways that I can't even describe. If I was healthy and could live this life, I would repay her for every second that she endured for me.

Even through all of this, I'm still glad I got to live and experience some good things, I don't know, maybe I just learned to enjoy any ray of sunshine I could get in the darkness that was my life.

That's a beautiful outlook on life, really.

My parent raised me well, they know a lot about the right things for the "real world". But they have a lot of trauma that wasn't managed well, and it shows

That is another thing that comes into play here. Parents often have issues of their own, which makes it hard for them to handle the immense responsibility of parenting. I guess that should be respected and taken in account as well.

The giver of the gift of life is God but I guess I am barking up the wrong tree here

That's another perspective I didn't consider, probably because I'm not religious. I guess this could be a whole separate discussion.

 

[Callie Arcale]

My god, I hate it when people say you have to be grateful to your parents for giving you life. I love my folks to bits; they have been wonderful and kind and generous to a fault, but that's literally the one thing I cannot feel grateful for.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Idiots made me an incel. They will never be able to pay me back and their punishment will never be severe enough.

 

[Green Destiny]

I was an unplanned pregnancy, so I do have some resentment for both my parents even though they do care for me. The thing is that my parents already had 2 kids before me so they really didn't need to have me but they went through with having another child anyway. I've never asked but I wonder if they thought having another child would keep them from splitting apart and getting divorced. Clearly that didn't work.

 

[TooConscious]

The older I've got I've developed resentment towards them but I was a loving, kind son who just needed a feeling of being worthy enough but they betrayed me and certainly are a major contributer to how I suffered.
I had friends who would see something wasn't right how they each made me feel and out of loyalty I would defend my parents so much I would push away that friend or make them eventually believe it was me in the wrong.

My love and loyalty for them caused me alot of pain and destroyed my life completely by age 16.

 

[Celerity]

They did the best they could. Should have aborted me, but then they messed up on a lot of things. I'm not sure my dad should have had kids. He's had a very sad life too.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

No, I'm not greatful. But I'm not resentful either. What did they know? Everybody's a retard when it comes to planning the future. They wanted another child and that's fine.

I'm not resentful even in regards to them being bad parents and doubius human beings. Things were put in motion long before I was born. My father was berated and undermined by his parents and ended up having zero self-confidence. My mom came to this house and was immidiately informed she was not welcomed. My grandparents despised her and puppeteered my spineless father to abuse her mentally and phisically. And as things go, after my grandparents died, she became the tyrant.

The circle of life.

 

[WornOutLife]

Oh my dear parents, those silly individuals who thought bringing one more child into this world was a synonym of BEING HAPPY.
Why wasn't my brother enough? I wonder.

Anyway, I still love them but damn, not existing sounds so cool.

 

[StringPuppet]

Not in the slightest. But I guess I can't blame them for not knowing any better.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I don't hate my parents,in fact l miss my dad a little, but l feel Nothing towards my mother and younger sister! But then l was adopted at 7-weeks old, l should have been born decades earlier then at least l could have fought and died in ww2!

 

[motel rooms]

 

[LastFlowers]

Fuck no, they screwed me over and then turned their backs on the consequences and suffering I experienced, and still do to this day.
Whenever I think I see a peek of understanding or compassion from them, it is ripped out from under me and then rubbed in my face.

 

[Makko]

My life wasn't a gift, it was a loan. Too bad for my parents that I'm an embezzler at heart.

 

[heretogethelp]

I regret being born. I think my parents were naive normies who had children to fit in with everyone else. That's just my opinion.

 

[Desperdición]

They should have sterilized my parents.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do wish I was never born. The fact that I exist is the cause of all of my problems. I do however have a good relationship with my parents and I guess they thought they were doing a good thing by bringing a child into the world. I don't feel negative towards them, rather the fact that we lack a right to a peaceful death. It is what we deserve as I see us as having no obligation to stay alive as we never asked to in the first place.