crowwwz
New Member
- Jan 9, 2026
- 4
it is so frustrating, so demeaning, so... honestly, humiliating to have a method in mind, a plan in place, everything, and just...
...not be able to do anything at the moment.
like, i'm unemployed, completely broke and sleeping on my sister's couch, and i'm waiting to hear back about a job. my plan relies on having a gun, and i don't currently own one, so i need money to buy one. but, in order to get that money, i need to wait to hear back about this job.
it's just so fucking frustrating having to sit, wait, and do nothing. i want to badly to ctb and end my own suffering, but i can't even do that without more waiting and more planning. it's all so unfair. i didn't get a choice of being here, but i have to scramble and try to find some way to get out of here?
it could be argued that i technically already have everything i need to ctb, just not with the methods i may want, so i'm really in my own way with this. this wouldn't be entirely wrong, but i'm a coward, and damn it i just want an easy way out of something for once.
i don't really know what i thought posting this would accomplish, i don't really necessarily want advice on easing the shit i'm going through or anything. maybe just some kind words. it's hard finding the strength to continue fighting, when i could be six feet under already, if dying wasn't such a difficult task for me.
...not be able to do anything at the moment.
like, i'm unemployed, completely broke and sleeping on my sister's couch, and i'm waiting to hear back about a job. my plan relies on having a gun, and i don't currently own one, so i need money to buy one. but, in order to get that money, i need to wait to hear back about this job.
it's just so fucking frustrating having to sit, wait, and do nothing. i want to badly to ctb and end my own suffering, but i can't even do that without more waiting and more planning. it's all so unfair. i didn't get a choice of being here, but i have to scramble and try to find some way to get out of here?
it could be argued that i technically already have everything i need to ctb, just not with the methods i may want, so i'm really in my own way with this. this wouldn't be entirely wrong, but i'm a coward, and damn it i just want an easy way out of something for once.
i don't really know what i thought posting this would accomplish, i don't really necessarily want advice on easing the shit i'm going through or anything. maybe just some kind words. it's hard finding the strength to continue fighting, when i could be six feet under already, if dying wasn't such a difficult task for me.
