The final straw

[Givingupandgivingin]

I've been waiting - I suppose - for there to be a line in the sand and this is it.
I've lost my job - it's not technically my fault as it was linked to the funding of a specific child who due to covid is no longer attending the setting - but the voice in my head says it's my fault.
I won't find anything else very easily, I'm unemployable. I was lucky to find that.

I've thought hard about how to go about this and I know insulin always gets slated but it's mainly to do with early intervention. If I went off to work at 8am I've got 8 hours before anyone would notice I was missing and 9 before anyone would do much about it.
I've got 14 high strength sleeping tablets.
I will take these 45 minutes before administering several hundred units of insulin (I also won't eat for 3 days before hand) and I think - I hope - that will be it.

I suppose part of me was hoping the sign would be the other way, that something good would happen and I'd be able to stay. But that is not the case and now I just want to be gone. I want there to be an off button now. I don't want to wait even one more day. My mother says my children won't cope without me but I think they will adapt quickly because children are resilient. I am sad for my parents because they will lose their grandchildren as my husband won't facilitate any contact but I will have no control over that. It's as it is.

The above method - it will work? I can't see how not. 0.5u of insulin drops me quite low so if I'm taking 500u plus that's not survivable, surely?

 

[Makko]

Reportedly it's not a good method because it's slow and unpleasant. It feels like starving yourself but the discomfort from the artificial hunger is much worse. Not sure about the lethality.

 

[Givingupandgivingin]

But hopefully I will be asleep.
I don't care really. Short term pain for long term not feeling like this. Even if it's agony it'll be over.

 

[hendry]

I know that in this space there is no judgment. I just hope you find peace. I hope you find another alternative, either to live or die in another way. Hugs

 

[Meditation guide]

I will take these 45 minutes before administering several hundred units of insulin

I'm sorry it has come to this for you. Have you ever heard of Sunny Von Bulow? She spent the rest of her life in a coma due to an insulin overdose. I just hope you realize this is not a good way to attempt this.

 

[Givingupandgivingin]

But she didn't regain consciousness?
I don't really care as long as I don't ever come round.

 

[hendry]

But she didn't regain consciousness?
I don't really care as long as I don't ever come round.

mmm, but sometimes people in a coma are aware of their surroundings, they just can't interact with others. It can be even worse hell. Please consider well. Bad days may come better, or find another way to leave, more pleasant.

 

[fedupsoul]

It's totally not fair to give birth to multiple children just to abandon them, I am pro choice but I don't support this, people gotta atleast stick with them till they mature.. after parents are the ones yanking children out of non existence into this hell hole what sort of a life is this.. I'm sorry you're in this situation but this is not good

 

[Givingupandgivingin]

I don't have the means for any other way. I think it has to be this way. I've read a lot about it and the main thing is early intervention. I know where I'm going to do it and I won't be found. So if it's been 8 hours I think that's long enough. The other thing I could do is drink alcohol because that prevents the body's natural defence against low blood sugar by kicking out glucogen. As a diabetic you are most at risk of low bloods if you drink alcohol.
All these things might help. I just want an off button - even sorting all this is a lot of effort. I need to finally succeed at something and it has to be this.

It's totally not fair to give birth to multiple children just to abandon them, I am pro choice but I don't support this, people gotta atleast stick with them till they mature.. after parents are the ones yanking children out of non existence into this hell hole what sort of a life is this.. I'm sorry you're in this situation but this is not good

It is if it's not better for them that I am not here. You don't know what sort of mother I am.
Besides I just don't care. I've had enough. I don't feel anything apart from anxious and hollow. I don't engage with them, I haven't the resource. They will have their father.

 

[WatermelonMel]

As others say, this is not a good way to go, there are some better methods available.

My mother says my children won't cope without me but I think they will adapt quickly because children are resilient.

Also, this is something that will negatively effect someone's mental health for a long time, it's not something they can just shrug off. I am not trying to persuade you it is your choice after all, do whatever gives you peace, it's just something I had to mention as I know what it's like and that statement's unfair.

 

[Givingupandgivingin]

As others say, this is not a good way to go, there are some better methods available.

Also, this is something that will negatively effect someone's mental health for a long time, it's not something they can just shrug off. I am not trying to persuade you it is your choice after all, do whatever gives you peace, it's just something I had to mention as I know what it's like and that statement's unfair.

As others say, this is not a good way to go, there are some better methods available.

Also, this is something that will negatively effect someone's mental health for a long time, it's not something they can just shrug off. I am not trying to persuade you it is your choice after all, do whatever gives you peace, it's just something I had to mention as I know what it's like and that statement's unfair.

Well in this instance maybe suicide is selfish because I don't care. It won't be me dealing with it for once. I've nothing left to give. I'm late 30s. It's too late to change my life. It's over.

 

[SkarletWitch]

Hi, are you here with us? I wanna know how are you doing?