J
Journeytoletgo
Broken and hated 7-14 years long overdue
- May 14, 2018
- 1,608
My greatest fear is growing old with no husband and dying in a facility of some illness without loved ones coming to see me. This is why I have to CTB quickly
Hello, I'm sorry about the pain and suffering you had endured. This too is my biggest fear ending up there alone and tormented by myself. I'm sorry about your mom. I lost my mom recently too although unexpected from cancer as well.I fear ending up in a facility near the end; losing my dignity and pissing and shiting my pants. My mother died in her own filth. Its was horrific to see A once dignified independent woman die horribly from cancer. I face the same situation due to illness at 36. I wont end up like that.
Thanks for your empathy. Life was okay despite being beaten and abused by my family. Even though Mum died awfully, I forgive her for her narcissism. My brother has become my Mother mark two. Its terrifying. He pretends shes still alive, some thing like the Bates Motel. I hope you find peace in your heart.❤Hello, I'm sorry about the pain and suffering you had endured. This too is my biggest fear ending up there alone and tormented by myself. I'm sorry about your mom. I lost my recently too although unexpected from cancer as well.
Only humanity allows this to happen. Its like torture. A friend said that many people with dementia are contented because they dont know any different. I dont know how true this is but medicine cannot cure or save dementia inflicted people. We all die in the end , surely going gracefully is better. Thats why im ctb sooner rather than later, in case i forget!.What my grandmother went through was quite awful. She had dementia in her 90s, couldn't even recognise anybody, and would have had no ability to end her life even if she wanted to. She languished like that for years.
I think it makes sense to CTB whenever the writing is on the wall.
Not exactly my situation but some similarities. I'm fortunate to be financially secure. My wife died in 2005 and all my local friends have either died or moved away. Compared to many on this forum I'm in pretty good shape. I don't have any constant pain, just some that comes and goes, but I can't do anything physical without bringing on pain. I've become social phobic which makes it hard for me to deal with people, especially on the phone, so I put off things that require making an appointment, etc.I am older and I will be alone. I have no family and no real friends. I'm tired and bored with life. I get nothing from it. As each day progresses I feel as if I'm in Ground Hog's Day. The same shit over and over. Now no job, no money. Absolutely nothing. I've worked for almost 50 years and have absolutely nothing to show for it. My time is coming up. Very soon.
I honestly wish my family's "legacy" would be snuffed out.I'm the only fertile man of my bloodline, my biggest fear is to die alone without a loving family and a son to carry on my ancestors' legacy. I'll probably ctb at latest somewhere around 60, before I grow decrepit.
So is premature aging or never being able to enjoy your youth as it passes you by.Old age is absolutely horrifying
I've always hated the notion that someone is fine and content just because they don't (or no longer) know any better, that is god awful to me.Only humanity allows this to happen. Its like torture. A friend said that many people with dementia are contented because they dont know any different. I dont know how true this is but medicine cannot cure or save dementia inflicted people. We all die in the end , surely going gracefully is better. Thats why im ctb sooner rather than later, in case i forget!.
Still. I am at the end of an unbroken line of men, back to when we were monkeys. I feel like it is my responsibility to carry on. Plus I love children so much, nothing in the world would make me happier than my own. I want to raise my kids without the mistakes my parents made, so they can live good lifes and make the world a better place.I honestly wish my family's "legacy" would be snuffed out.
You don't need children to leave behind a legacy, they may be nothing like you or your ancestors anyhow, most people who have kids just want a mini-me to live vicariously through and fulfill their own narcissism, then they're in for a real shock when the kid spits in their face and walks away.
So is premature aging or never being able to enjoy your youth as it passes you by.
I've always hated the notion that someone is fine and content just because they don't (or no longer) know any better, that is god awful to me.
People say the same thing about those who acquire brain damage, it's horrific and it's a selfish way for them to quell the guilt of sitting back while people literally lose their minds and suffer.
My mom ctb'ed in a nursing home. She had progressive dementia and stopped eating or drinking, which was the only thing she had control over. Her kidneys shut down and she died.Not exactly my situation but some similarities. I'm fortunate to be financially secure. My wife died in 2005 and all my local friends have either died or moved away. Compared to many on this forum I'm in pretty good shape. I don't have any constant pain, just some that comes and goes, but I can't do anything physical without bringing on pain. I've become social phobic which makes it hard for me to deal with people, especially on the phone, so I put off things that require making an appointment, etc.
When I read of all the pain and suffering on this forum I sometimes think I shouldn't be here. But, then I realize that at my age I'm subject at anytime to have a stroke, or fall and break something, either of which would put me in an institution and that would take away my ability to CTB. I also have two forms of cancer for which I chose not to be treated. I'm mentally ready to CTB, and have my means of choice, but I can't get over the problem it would cause my son who lives out of state.
I'd like to describe something to you. I lived in TN and my parents were in another state. My mother ended up in a nursing home with dementia. When INot exactly my situation but some similarities. I'm fortunate to be financially secure. My wife died in 2005 and all my local friends have either died or moved away. Compared to many on this forum I'm in pretty good shape. I don't have any constant pain, just some that comes and goes, but I can't do anything physical without bringing on pain. I've become social phobic which makes it hard for me to deal with people, especially on the phone, so I put off things that require making an appointment, etc.
When I read of all the pain and suffering on this forum I sometimes think I shouldn't be here. But, then I realize that at my age I'm subject at anytime to have a stroke, or fall and break something, either of which would put me in an institution and that would take away my ability to CTB. I also have two forms of cancer for which I chose not to be treated. I'm mentally ready to CTB, and have my means of choice, but I can't get over the problem it would cause my son who lives out of state.
I am 70 ..my husband is 82. I was writing his obituary yesterday..just in case. Odds are, that is going to happen and I want to go first. He has step-children who can help him.My greatest fear is growing old with no husband and dying in a facility of some illness without loved ones coming to see me. This is why I have to CTB quickly
I have the exact same fear, and to make matters worse I am disabled, I have been 100% independant my whole life, but I am 52 and starting to gets signs of losing it. Hopping on the bus sometime in the next week.I fear ending up in a facility near the end; losing my dignity and pissing and shiting my pants. My mother died in her own filth. Its was horrific to see A once dignified independent woman die horribly from cancer. I face the same situation due to illness at 36. I wont end up like that.
Im the same. I.was a fit healthy, climbing mountains 36 Year old man. Now im,skinny and sick. Doctors say just get on with it... There s no dignityI have the exact same fear, and to make matters worse I am disabled, I have been 100% independant my whole life, but I am 52 and starting to gets signs of losing it. Hopping on the bus sometime in the next week.