The Family Problem: My Solution

[Giraffey]

I've spoken a lot recently about the main reason I haven't CTB being that it would destroy my family for me to leave them behind. I know that there are arguments about how none of that will matter after you die because you aren't 'alive' to feel the guilt, but my personal philosophy is that I have a duty to them in life (and death) not to do anything to hurt them.

With that in mind, I've been thinking a lot about what would be acceptable to them. For example, if I had to die and pick a way to do it that didn't necessarily have to be suicide - what could they cope with? Dying of cancer, or in an accident don't carry the same kind of stigma and guilt as suicide. Then, the idea came to me.

Those of you who have been bored to death by some of my venting posts will know that my current situation has some political elements that I'm fighting against, so I figure that I could eschew suicide in favour of a hunger strike. On the face of it, it's a perfect solution for me. Having researched suicide and 'trained', I am mentally prepared for death, therefore I possess the necessary determination to see my protest through to a terminal conclusion if my demands aren't met, but if my demands are met then I'll have a reason to live; I'll have some hope.

Such a death is not typically thought of as suicide, and in the UK at least, is not recorded on a death certificate as suicide. My family will have a cause to rally around and raise awareness for; my death, should it come, will have purpose and meaning. I'm well educated on the process and the physical suffering during the various phases, but with appropriate preparation, I believe that most of this can be managed.

This obviously isn't a solution for everybody, hence the lack of a 'method' tag, but I genuinely believe this is the right option for me. I understand that it may not be the most peaceful death, or the most dignified; it definitely isn't quick; but as I've come to terms with my feelings over the previous months, I've realised that I don't truly want to die, I just don't see a future for myself unless something major changes, and this allows me to pressure for that change whilst granting a stoic and dignified exit that will also be acceptable to my family and friends, should my life goals become unattainable.

 

[WillOxyWork]

I've spoken a lot recently about the main reason I haven't CTB being that it would destroy my family for me to leave them behind. I know that there are arguments about how none of that will matter after you die because you aren't 'alive' to feel the guilt, but my personal philosophy is that I have a duty to them in life (and death) not to do anything to hurt them.

With that in mind, I've been thinking a lot about what would be acceptable to them. For example, if I had to die and pick a way to do it that didn't necessarily have to be suicide - what could they cope with? Dying of cancer, or in an accident don't carry the same kind of stigma and guilt as suicide. Then, the idea came to me.

Those of you who have been bored to death by some of my venting posts will know that my current situation has some political elements that I'm fighting against, so I figure that I could eschew suicide in favour of a hunger strike. On the face of it, it's a perfect solution for me. Having researched suicide and 'trained', I am mentally prepared for death, therefore I possess the necessary determination to see my protest through to a terminal conclusion if my demands aren't met, but if my demands are met then I'll have a reason to live; I'll have some hope.

Such a death is not typically thought of as suicide, and in the UK at least, is not recorded on a death certificate as suicide. My family will have a cause to rally around and raise awareness for; my death, should it come, will have purpose and meaning. I'm well educated on the process and the physical suffering during the various phases, but with appropriate preparation, I believe that most of this can be managed.

This obviously isn't a solution for everybody, hence the lack of a 'method' tag, but I genuinely believe this is the right option for me. I understand that it may not be the most peaceful death, or the most dignified; it definitely isn't quick; but as I've come to terms with my feelings over the previous months, I've realised that I don't truly want to die, I just don't see a future for myself unless something major changes, and this allows me to pressure for that change whilst granting a stoic and dignified exit that will also be acceptable to my family and friends, should my life goals become unattainable.

What would you be striking for? Are you sure you have the resolve to starve yourself to death? That sounds like a long, painful way to go out.

 

[Giraffey]

What would you be striking for? Are you sure you have the resolve to starve yourself to death? That sounds like a long, painful way to go out.

I've explained it better in a few older threads; see here and here; but in a nutshell, I was badly abused by my ex-partner who had made out that I was the abuser, as a way to further control me and cover up her own abuse. I'm not the first guy she's abused and I'm not the last either, but because she made those allegations years ago, when I finally felt ready to come forward and disclose her physical emotional and sexual abuse of me over the last five years, I was dismissed and told that there was no support available for me because I carry the lifetime label of 'the abuser'.

What I aim to achieve by starving myself to death is for the appropriate authorities to sit down, look at the evidence I have to present and speak to the witnesses to the relationship I have, and to investigate her abuse of me. Also, to arrange for the appropriate support that I should be entitled to as a victim of domestic abuse.

I know that it may seem a little extreme to be prepared to starve to death (protracted and painfully), but the impact of my ex-partner's behaviour on myself, my life, my family and my future has been devastating, to the extent that unless something major changes - none of my life goals or desires are ever achievable and thus there is little point in living.

I'm in essence, terminally existing at the moment, I need a way to get people around the table to listen and effect change in order to have any hope.

 

[rhiino]

Those of you who have been bored to death by some of my venting posts

I wish that was possible, it would be very peaceful.

How do you plan on getting it to work out? Go to the police and tell them you will starve until they listen? There also is a risk of being labeled mentally ill, being sectioned and force-fed.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

My solution is everyone upset by my death will forget about it or die themselves eventually so problem solved. Not many people care about me anyway. Maybe a cold way of thinking about it but really there's no point in trying to weigh your suffering up against someone else's and tweak points about your death to make it 'softer.' If people love you they're going to miss you, and you need to decided whether or not that's something you care about enough to postpone dying.

 

[Zappfe lover]

I've explained it better in a few older threads; see here and here; but in a nutshell, I was badly abused by my ex-partner who had made out that I was the abuser, as a way to further control me and cover up her own abuse. I'm not the first guy she's abused and I'm not the last either, but because she made those allegations years ago, when I finally felt ready to come forward and disclose her physical emotional and sexual abuse of me over the last five years, I was dismissed and told that there was no support available for me because I carry the lifetime label of 'the abuser'.

What I aim to achieve by starving myself to death is for the appropriate authorities to sit down, look at the evidence I have to present and speak to the witnesses to the relationship I have, and to investigate her abuse of me. Also, to arrange for the appropriate support that I should be entitled to as a victim of domestic abuse.

I know that it may seem a little extreme to be prepared to starve to death (protracted and painfully), but the impact of my ex-partner's behaviour on myself, my life, my family and my future has been devastating, to the extent that unless something major changes - none of my life goals or desires are ever achievable and thus there is little point in living.

I'm in essence, terminally existing at the moment, I need a way to get people around the table to listen and effect change in order to have any hope.

I commend you for your courage, but is the suffering really worth it?

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

You've put a lot of thought into this. Know that it could take a very long time to achieve death in this situation, depending on your body and regular health.

One further caution: Some people do die from hunger strikes from being fully devoted to the cause. The cause in this case is a little more complicated if not convoluted. If what is really driving your commitment to the hunger strike is your desire to kill yourself, then might SI not kick in more easily?