Venting The emotional & societal burden that is my face

[Looking]

The past few days, I was working on a vent thread that was about how my (ugly) face is a emotional vampire to my loved ones (Because it makes me want to stay inside and hide and how I'm always self conscious) and how I burden society with looking as ugly as I am. It was long, and mainly unnecessary, and I decided not to post it.

With that being said - I thought I would ask if anyone has felt slightly familiar. As in, feeling like your face effects others.
Kind of like "When others look at me, I feel like I've done something wrong" or "I feel like I disgust others."

I sometimes feel bad about how I look when I'm in public with my friends and family, because I'm always thinking about how I look in public, and I can tell they know that I'm doing it, and it stresses them out a bit. They just want to spend some normal time with me, but I'm getting distracted about my appearance and how embarrassed I feel. I know it's a burden on them, but I guess they deal with it out of pity.

One big thing I feel guilty about is when I forget to wear a face mask in public. I feel like people are upset with me for not hiding my face, because they know that I know it's ugly, but that I decided to "show it off" or "expose" my face anyways, almost as if I'm not being sensitive to the people around me... or something like that.

I know these thoughts are sometimes irrational to a point that it's a bit ridiculous, but I can't stop feeling that way. Especially in that moment.

I've only told my family about it once or twice, and in a very brief manner where they just brushed it off. I don't think they truly understand the remorse I feel for not hiding in my room and protecting people from my appearance.

I feel vulnerable about my appearance in general, but at least I could be respectful of other people and just like... keep it hidden away. But I don't, and I guess that's selfish of me.

Not sure if any of this makes any damn sense.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It's understandable to have these kinds of thoughts about your appearance because after all, like it or not, the reality is that it plays a big role in society. I can relate to what you're saying. I am not facially blessed either and unfortunately I am short. That means I automatically incur judgement in any situation and it sucks all the more because unlike certain other things it's not something you can hide.

But what's true is that you don't owe it to anyone to "spare" them your appearance.

 

[Looking]

It's understandable to have these kinds of thoughts about your appearance because after all, like it or not, the reality is that it plays a big role in society. I can relate to what you're saying. I am not facially blessed either and unfortunately I am short. That means I automatically incur judgement in any situation and it sucks all the more because unlike certain other things it's not something you can hide.

Do you do anything to cope with it? Or is it just a matter of "Well, it sucks but here I am."

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Do you do anything to cope with it? Or is it just a matter of "Well, it sucks but here I am."

I gave up on trying to cope with anything lol. But you can listen to the Ted Talk by Lizzie Velasquez and other things she's put out. It's relevant to your issue.

 

[Looking]

Ted Talk by Lizzie Velasquez

Looked it up and good talks. She's fairly optimistic, especially when compared to me. But I still enjoyed it. Thanks for the suggestion :)

 

[bronchitisguy96]

i used to think lookism was rampant (don't get me wrong, it is) but it's more likely other factors that cause people to turn sour on you. of course, this isn't to say these factors are in your control at all