Red
Warlock
- Apr 10, 2019
- 744
Looked at from afar, it could never be seen as a real serious bid to ctb, for most of us with any experience know just how unreliable any kind of OD or mixture of substances is going to be. A bid for oblivion maybe, a grasp at blessed numbness if but for a little while. Or just the desire to lose some more time, to punch out a few more unconscious hours that you don't have to live through.
Aware of the contraindications between the components of the cocktail, hoping for the perfect storm that leads to the stories in the tabloids; "Patient taking same medication for 2 years takes a extra dose one day and DIES!!" ... "mixture of substance a and b leads to DEATH!" ... oh my god if that were the norm I'd be dead a thousand times over... I wish I wish I wish ....
Scrabbling at ingredients close to hand, each having significance as it's tossed into the mix... A day's worth of antihistamine, to bring sleep closer; an extra few doses of morphine (the pain has been so bad recently that it feels good to blow it out of the water, if only for an hour or two!) taken in a couple of mouthfuls instead of the
measured dose; a double dose of a previous, defunct medication or two out of sheer desperation when the pain continues to stab and jab and take away my breath, despite trying to ignore it and carry on..! An Irish coffee or two to try to ease it away and then straight up vodka when it doesn't make a dent.
Hoping that something along the way might just be enough to tip the scales, that it might just be seen as an accident to those left wondering, that it might just be that little bit of extra weight to send me tumbling over the edge forever, blameless and free at last.
I wish they wouldn't report those freakish accidental deaths the way they do, or that they would at least publish the actual chances of it happening to someone in the way reported. I've taken so many overdoses and "fatal combinations" that I feel like a fool for falling for the false advertisement of these deathly doses and combos...
Wishing so to be weak in the right way that finally benefits me instead of the ways that don't - my strengths in any other areas have just served to make me a target rather than aid me in life so far.
There was tell of the quest for the Elixir of Life; a combination of ingredients that come together to form the secret to eternal life... maybe this is the search for the opposite, a potion that not only relieves the drinker of their life but the associated blame of suicide too, the components and amounts of which being so innocuous in their intention...
The Elixir of a Blameless Death! Panacea (cures all bar none -except death-!) of tabloids all over the world! Roll up n eff off!
(Makes for weird ass posting though..)
Aware of the contraindications between the components of the cocktail, hoping for the perfect storm that leads to the stories in the tabloids; "Patient taking same medication for 2 years takes a extra dose one day and DIES!!" ... "mixture of substance a and b leads to DEATH!" ... oh my god if that were the norm I'd be dead a thousand times over... I wish I wish I wish ....
Scrabbling at ingredients close to hand, each having significance as it's tossed into the mix... A day's worth of antihistamine, to bring sleep closer; an extra few doses of morphine (the pain has been so bad recently that it feels good to blow it out of the water, if only for an hour or two!) taken in a couple of mouthfuls instead of the
measured dose; a double dose of a previous, defunct medication or two out of sheer desperation when the pain continues to stab and jab and take away my breath, despite trying to ignore it and carry on..! An Irish coffee or two to try to ease it away and then straight up vodka when it doesn't make a dent.
Hoping that something along the way might just be enough to tip the scales, that it might just be seen as an accident to those left wondering, that it might just be that little bit of extra weight to send me tumbling over the edge forever, blameless and free at last.
I wish they wouldn't report those freakish accidental deaths the way they do, or that they would at least publish the actual chances of it happening to someone in the way reported. I've taken so many overdoses and "fatal combinations" that I feel like a fool for falling for the false advertisement of these deathly doses and combos...
Wishing so to be weak in the right way that finally benefits me instead of the ways that don't - my strengths in any other areas have just served to make me a target rather than aid me in life so far.
There was tell of the quest for the Elixir of Life; a combination of ingredients that come together to form the secret to eternal life... maybe this is the search for the opposite, a potion that not only relieves the drinker of their life but the associated blame of suicide too, the components and amounts of which being so innocuous in their intention...
The Elixir of a Blameless Death! Panacea (cures all bar none -except death-!) of tabloids all over the world! Roll up n eff off!
(Makes for weird ass posting though..)
