Help the desperate yearning to feel special

[Insomniac]

why am I so desperate to feel special? to feel like I'm the only being in the universe with a soul? with depth? I want to feel as though everyone else is just empty and devoid of any self, like puppets. I want to feel alone in the universe.

why am I so desperate for this feeling? why am I trying so hard to be different, to distinguish myself? why does it feel so suffocating to realize that I'll never be special and that everyone else is just like me? why does this truth feels so unbearable and unacceptable to the point that I don't want to exist? why can't I just exist and have peace of mind and accept that I'm not special? that my feelings aren't special? that my soul isn't unique?

It hurts so badly. It hurts so very badly.

and at the same time, what I want nothingmore in the world is to connect with someone who is exactly like me. why do I feel so lonely and why does this loneliness crushes my soul the same way that my conforming crushes me?

do I want to be unique and alone? or do I want someone like me? both conditions are unbearable in their own way.

 

[Simba]

I can somewhat relate ,except I could say that im somewhat desperate for friendships but at the same time i feel that im just better off being alone with less contact with humans. Being normal is boring but thats what alot of people are these days. The societal constraints for complete normalcy.. anything out of the norm is straight away put in to a box of some sort.. or if there is no box.. then just put to the sidelines.. as if you are weird ,strange and a freak.. why ? Because society said so.. that's how life is.. some people are just luckier than others..

 

[rationaltake]

I get this. I used to be exactly the same.

 

[endme]

from experience i can say that another person will never be able to fulfill you.
if you cant love yourself you will not be able to have a long lasting relationship.
sure we all wanna be special, you probably are more self reflected than 50% of the population. Many people are not even able to think outside the box.
but there will always be someone smarter, better looking, ... than you. you shouldnt care about that since this does not affect you in any way.

that my feelings aren't special? that my soul isn't unique?

this is where i think you are wrong. this is what matters, you are unique, you are special. no one is the same like you, because you determine what you do and no one can stop you from this. your actions make you what you are.

i hope you can go outside and find that one person. just be yourself, this is what makes you special. dont try to act or manipulate people. just say what you think and want to say, do what you want to do. this is what makes you special.
dont try to be like other people, dont try to be mainstream, dont tell people what they want to hear, tell them what you really think.

 

[Darkover]

i want to be completely independent free from outside control; not subject to another's authority. ot depending on another for livelihood or subsistence. to go it alone in the universe, i hate how humans are dependent on each other for their happiness a man needs a woman and woman needs a man can't wait to break free from this state of dependency, We all want to be special. We all want life to mean something but we are just one of many worker bees very few achieve anything truly special in life

 

[Deleted member 32964]

sometimes seeing yourself as unspecial, like others, literally accrpting that love is generally full of terms and conditions is helpful. so be it. we are not all given blissful, ideal lives where others must accept us. we have to suck it some more abuse.

deal again, at least you'll have a war story snd some characer when u r thru.

a scar left is better than one who bled to death who could not find a ban-daid
or refused, when offered.

-r