The date is approaching

[annxietty]

Im gonna move with my sister at the end of June, this means changing my life completely, from staying at home almost 24/7 and having quite bad agoraphobia (and not doing much to solve it to be honest) to going outside everyday, having more responsabilities and starting a process of recovery... Saying Im scared its an understatement, Im terrified... I had cured my agoraphobia (for the most part) but it all went back to me like a tsunami, from thinking "I can do this, its not a big deal" to "I cant do this, something is going to go wrong" ,and my sister has never seen me like this, I live in constant anxiety... The only positive thing is that I want to try this, I want to keep on living even if life is shit, this mindset will only change if I see that my agoraphobia and anxiety related problems come back constantly and I simply cant live a "normal" life.... Ive always been an anxious person but could keep on living, now without meds and help is just impossible for me, its a challenge every fucking day... In June I will go see a new psychiatrist (I will only be able to have one session but its better than nothing) to change my meds, and getting psychological help its impossible at the moment but my sister has told me she will help me getting the help I need, Im lucky that even if they dont understand me completely some people, close to me, try...
Everytime I talk with my mom about this I get even more anxious, Im really tired and Im scared to try to win this alone... But my mind is set in recovery, I just need help, its been so hard without therapy and without medication that works, Im really tired, If this attempt of recovery fails... I have to be strong but right now I feel like I dont have it in me...
Thank you to whoever reads this just wanted to vent lol

 

[Bleedingheartbeat]

Hey @annxietty , thank you for sharing your thoughts. I understand what you're going through. I started taking treatment for my bipolar about a month ago and for the first time I feel like a human being most days. I still have my bad moments.. but it's a little easier. The process of recovery is hard for me too because I don't know who I am on the other side of the mental illness I've been battling for 10 years. And I'm scared of falling back into the dark hole I was in even though it feels like I haven't really got out of it and I'm just deluded into thinking I'm out. Woah that was a mouthful lol. Don't really know where I was going with this. Just wanted you to know that I read everything you said and I can relate to the fear of failing at recovery because it's our last hope. But dammit we're giving it our best and that's all that matters.