Method The courage to jump

[dietsodamnsad]

I'm going to jump from a bridge not too far from me. I deliberately chose this one because I know exactly how to get there as I used to travel past it quite frequently, this is imperative as I have anxiety regarding new situations and I don't want that to deter me from doing this. It's 25 meters (about 82 feet) over concrete. There have been a couple of recorded suicides on this bridge in particular so I know the drop has the capacity to kill me.

I'm feeling at peace with my decision to end my life, but the thought of actually jumping off this bridge is really stressing me out. I can't stop thinking or dreaming about it, the act of physically stepping over that edge and into nothingness, the sensation of plummeting free fall... It terrifies me. Is anyone else choosing a similar method? How are you dealing with the courage needed to take that step? The pain of landing and idea of death itself isn't a bother, but the jump is.

I don't know how to deal with the fear and anxiety I'm feeling. I know I'm going to do it, but its reducing me to tears to even think about. What if I can't jump? What if I'm standing on that edge and I physically can't make myself do it? What then? I can't bear to live anymore, I don't know what I'll do if my fear gets the better of me and I walk away.

 

[Гууу]

I'm rather not expert of jumping, i'm paranoidly fearing of height. If bridge allows to move on it et centre - i allways go to that position. Hope you are not suffering of this type of phobia tho.
IMO you should have your favour dressing on you, some headphones on head and your favour songs. Staying backwards to pit may help you also.
When i used to be in ropejumping (i met girl who thought to go with me that stuff will be nice idea), the service guy told me "the more you look - more you fear". I wasted about 10-15 minutes i guess. While falling i had no thoughts, my mind was complete empty. And it rise back when i bounce up, thinking that i did majour job, like a winning some hard game, or resolving big problem.
If you couldn't jump (i assume you will can) - it's a hard thing to do and there are nothing to shame.

 

[one4all]

If i may speak openly. It doesn't sound like you are truly at peace with you decision. I don't think it's a matter or courage to go thru with CTB, it has more to do with your conviction to go thru with it.
I can't tell you how to overcome SI, that seems to be the worse part of the process and everyone must face there own demons. Maybe the time is just not right for you yet.
That's just my thoughts though. I wish you peace in what ever you decide though.
Maybe other members can be more helpful.

 

[Blutsager]

My friend, know that this is a place where we shall forever support your choice, both to continue or to end our lives.

First and foremost, I want to tell you I want to support you on your life, before supporting you on your death. I want to make sure this hesitation may not be any hopes of continuing living, your mind trying to keep you togehter. Please, I highly reccomend, I ask you, to sit in silence, and to think of what this decision means for you. To consider your actions, and your options.

All this being said... should you decide to continue ahead, should you find peace and harmony in this thoughts, then what I reccomend you the most is first of all to plan. Picture in your mind by detail step-by-step of what you are gonna do. Try to, as vividly as you can, imagine the spot where you are gonna stand, and how you plan to jump, and how do you intend to control yourself in the air to land head first.
Then, you may practice. Perhaps standing at the edge of your bed. Close your eyes, and once again try to vividly picture that spot on the bridge. Try to estimulate all your senses: imagine the bridge beneath your feet. The cold air breezing on your face. The smell of the sea, and the noice of the water flowing below. Once you have this clear image... jump. Try to cushion your landing, to make it a positive expierence. Perhaps even if you have a teddy bear put it down there, so you can reinforce the jump with a positive outlet!. Perhaps even try to picture it as a game. Reinforce in your mind this jump as something positive. And keep practicing, so it becomes second nature. In the same way a warrior practices a move until it becomes second-nature, so much so that when a strike comes to them they can dodge it without thinking, so can you make this, your last move, so intuitive for you, you'll end up doing without thinking.

Or perhaps not. Perhaps this practice sessions may be yet another oportunity to truly consider what you are about to do. To stand back, and reconsider.

Whicever the case may be, my friend. That you decide to stay with us or leave us to find peace, you know I, and all of us, will always support you.

 

[dietsodamnsad]

I'm rather not expert of jumping, i'm paranoidly fearing of height. If bridge allows to move on it et centre - i allways go to that position. Hope you are not suffering of this type of phobia tho.
IMO you should have your favour dressing on you, some headphones on head and your favour songs. Staying backwards to pit may help you also.
When i used to be in ropejumping (i met girl who thought to go with me that stuff will be nice idea), the service guy told me "the more you look - more you fear". I wasted about 10-15 minutes i guess. While falling i had no thoughts, my mind was complete empty. And it rise back when i bounce up, thinking that i did majour job, like a winning some hard game, or resolving big problem.
If you couldn't jump (i assume you will) - it's a hard thing to do and there are nothing to shame.

Thank you for replying, those are some really good ideas. I have a plan really similar to what you described, when I decide to do it (before next week most likely) I want to be wearing nice but comfortable clothes, also something that won't ride up/expose me too much when I land. I'm going to make sure my phone is adequately charged so I can listen to music. I want to do it in the afternoon, somewhere between 2-5pm when its light and cool (I'm not concerned about pedestrians because of the lockdown). I'm definitely going to have to close my eyes.

Thank you, that's actually really made me feel a bit better. You're last sentence "If you couldn't jump (i assume you will) - it's a hard thing to do and there are nothing to shame." has given me a bit of peace. I will do it, but if it has to take a couple of trips then so be it. This isn't an easy thing to do, I have to remember that.

If i may speak openly. It doesn't sound like you are truly at peace with you decision. I don't think it's a matter or courage to go thru with CTB, it has more to do with your conviction to go thru with it.
I can't tell you how to overcome SI, that seems to be the worse part of the process and everyone must face there own demons. Maybe the time is just not right for you yet.
That's just my thoughts though. I wish you peace in what ever you decide though.
Maybe other members can be more helpful.

I understand where you're coming from, but its more that I'm unsure of the method itself. I have attempted overdosing and ligaturing, fairly private and isolating methods but jumping is new territory for me. The idea of these being my last few days/hours brings me peace, to the point that I've been able to engage with my hobbies and family again. I'm a chronic overthinker so the brazen act of flinging myself from a height is terrifying to me, but its something I have to do.

Thank you for your reply though, I hope you find peace and happiness with whatever you decide to do.

My friend, know that this is a place where we shall forever support your choice, both to continue or to end our lives.

First and foremost, I want to tell you I want to support you on your life, before supporting you on your death. I want to make sure this hesitation may not be any hopes of continuing living, your mind trying to keep you togehter. Please, I highly reccomend, I ask you, to sit in silence, and to think of what this decision means for you. To consider your actions, and your options.

All this being said... should you decide to continue ahead, should you find peace and harmony in this thoughts, then what I reccomend you the most is first of all to plan. Picture in your mind by detail step-by-step of what you are gonna do. Try to, as vividly as you can, imagine the spot where you are gonna stand, and how you plan to jump, and how do you intend to control yourself in the air to land head first.
Then, you may practice. Perhaps standing at the edge of your bed. Close your eyes, and once again try to vividly picture that spot on the bridge. Try to estimulate all your senses: imagine the bridge beneath your feet. The cold air breezing on your face. The smell of the sea, and the noice of the water flowing below. Once you have this clear image... jump. Try to cushion your landing, to make it a positive expierence. Perhaps even if you have a teddy bear put it down there, so you can reinforce the jump with a positive outlet!. Perhaps even try to picture it as a game. Reinforce in your mind this jump as something positive. And keep practicing, so it becomes second nature. In the same way a warrior practices a move until it becomes second-nature, so much so that when a strike comes to them they can dodge it without thinking, so can you make this, your last move, so intuitive for you, you'll end up doing without thinking.

Or perhaps not. Perhaps this practice sessions may be yet another oportunity to truly consider what you are about to do. To stand back, and reconsider.

Whicever the case may be, my friend. That you decide to stay with us or leave us to find peace, you know I, and all of us, will always support you.

Thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate the kindness and advice you've given me. I think I will try to mimic the fall, as that's something I've been struggling to deal with too. I have thought out the journey and the moments leading up to the final step in so much detail but the thought of the fall itself makes my mind freeze up in fear. You're right, I need to visualise it in order to prepare myself. If I don't then my anxiety might overcome me and I don't know how to bear going on living.

Thank you so much, again, I hope you find peace and happiness in whatever you choose to do.

 

[Marktheghost]

The pain of landing and idea of death itself isn't a bother, but the jump is.

It's the pain of landing that would bother me, not the jump itself.

Would doing a parachute jump or going bunjee jumping or something beforehand be a possibility? to get over the intial fear of the jump itself.

 

[littlemisssunshine]

Can you get some drugs or alcohol so you're just a bit more relaxed when you jump? Don't think I could do it without. SI is just too much x