Venting The consequences of being raised by the internet

[lawr]

Being chronically online from the young age of 9-10 (now 22), when I got my first laptop, has negatively impacted my life so heavily I think. As a child I was already used to my online friendships being more meaningful and impactful than real life ones. I was stumbling across recesses of internet culture and examples of how weird people can be before I should've ever even understood what a URL was. I found my way to websites like 4chan and really dug my toes into niche internet culture which became part of me. Not being an edgelord or loving gore, or anything like that, but simply the experience of having gone through this. I'm full of obscure memories and internet references that I need others to have experienced too or I feel like I can't fully relate to them. My outlook on nearly everything is extremely jaded. I feel like my ability to live a normal life is completely gone. I can fit in just fine. I routinely fit in with all sorts of people, from stereotypical "nerds" to stereotypical "jocks". But on the inside, I always feel out of place. The only place I can be myself without extreme consequences is on the internet, anonymously, which is a feeling I have always loved and been addicted to ever since I first experienced it as a child, especially since I was so scrutinized for being myself by my family. Anonymity is safety.

The biggest reason why I wish to CTB is how lonely and disconnected from others I feel, and I think this part of my life is largely to blame. If I could take any of it back I would in a heartbeat.

 

[galaxid]

I had a similar experience, but I'm turnin 30 so I know its really different in terms of the social climate. I do relate, though. If its any consolation, I don't think its uncommon these days, to feel lonely and disconnected. Lots of people are good at hiding it, or they choose to never talk about it. But the world has gone to hell in a lot of ways, especially over the last 5 years.

The anonymity really appealed to me, too. I could decide who I was without having to put my face to it.

 

[lawr]

But the world has gone to hell in a lot of ways, especially over the last 5 years.

That it has. The snowball is really getting close to critical mass it seems like. Our society is very sick.

I could decide who I was without having to put my face to it.

Right? When we live in a society where your life literally gets harder in proportion to how ugly you are, having the opportunity for people to take your words at face value without seeing you through the lens of how you look is super freeing man.

 

[niki wonoto]

I'm from Indonesia (42/M). I can somehow relate with the post above. Even though the internet culture seems to apply mostly to Gen Z & alpha, not to millennial generation like myself, but maybe it's also the fact that I've been a long-time NEET for 10 years+ more. As a result, this kind of lifestyle automatically heavily turned me into basically an internet addict myself. I've spent a lot of times online, whether in PC, or in my smartphone gadget. My 'online addiction' varies & change from time to time (maybe it's also due to my 'undiagnosed' ADHD? I don't know). From frequenting this website, to reddit, youtube, and lately it's chatting with AI (especially DeepSeek).

I've become so detached from the 'real world' issues, that I even find them to be boring & not interesting, when compared to the 'internet culture' or online world. I know & have realized that this is probably just my 'escapism' (escape from reality), but really, what am I supposed to do? People keep saying the phrase "change your mindset! change your life!" as if it's an easy, instant thing to do. Or as if things are/will guaranteed 100% to be better, while, in reality, it could also be getting worse.

 

[BringMeToLife]

I resent my parents for not doing anything to help me not use the computer so much before my first ever suicide attempt (at this point it's been already too late for me) Before moving out I had many many friends, great friends but we moved out to a place full of the elderly and teenagers who scared me. I still had friends at school, but that's it. In my free time at home I was making friends on the internet - getting more and more addicted to the internet, to the life i had there. It's scary how most of my memories are related to the online life...

 

[lawr]

I've become so detached from the 'real world' issues, that I even find them to be boring & not interesting, when compared to the 'internet culture' or online world.

I really relate to that. Online "lore" gets me so much more excited than real life history. Honestly, I think a lot of real life is objectively more boring than internet life. And though each has its merits it's much easier and safer to retreat to the web.

People keep saying the phrase "change your mindset! change your life!" as if it's an easy, instant thing to do. Or as if things are/will guaranteed 100% to be better, while, in reality, it could also be getting worse.

Yeah... For people who have shared this fate, it's more than an escape too, I think. People don't understand that to cease this way of life is more than a simple lifestyle change or correction of a bad habit/addiction. It is, as I called it, a way of life. It is an entire world with its own set of rules, and culture, and discourse, and people. A world which we inhabit. I would not like to be ripped from my home.

Before moving out I had many many friends, great friends but we moved out to a place full of the elderly and teenagers who scared me.

For me, this was the time when I was forced to go to a different high school than all my close irl friends, because my mother was a teacher at this other one and wanted to keep an eye on me. I think daily easy access to those friends was my last chance to be normal, a chance that I was sadly denied because my parents thought it more pressing to surveil me and suppress my sense of self than to let me be with them.

It's scary how most of my memories are related to the online life...

For real. I would say ~85% of all my fondest memories came from the internet.

 

[galaxid]

Right? When we live in a society where your life literally gets harder in proportion to how ugly you are, having the opportunity for people to take your words at face value without seeing you through the lens of how you look is super freeing man.

Facts. I felt more attachment to every single one of my usernames than my real one to this day. I've got a friend who swaps around her internet presence regularly, changing usernames and basically rebranding herself whenever her current 'identity' grows stale. Can't do that shit IRL.

The worst part about the internet is that its made beauty standards even worse on all fronts over the years. Every scrap of media is targeted to attack the self esteem of every person who's forced to engage with it. Which we all have to do. SOcial media and invasive ads are now intrinsic to our world. Being young is hard enough. And now we're having the very anonymity we crave weaponized against us.

We know what we're worried about and what we're insecure over, and we're forced to crave this genuinely unnatainable ideal. And since no one knows what we look like, we can only obsess over what we can't change. It's so easy to say 'i'm sure you look fine'. For me, it's mostly been 'i'm sure you're a good person'. But by nature of the distance between everyone, how can one really take it to heart? The people saying it might be right, but this is something we have to believe ourselves.

 

[DarknessAtNoon]

The combination of adhd and having high speed internet in my bedroom from the age of 15 absolutely ruined my brain and is probably the single biggest reason I am on the verge of suicide now.

 

[SparkleWater]

parents gave me my own pc in 1st grade. said good luck.