The confession of an absolute moron

[CoolGuy9]

I feel so retarded for thinking like this. I hate how I am like this. I really wish it wasn't a part of me, but it is. When I read a post about people cutting themselves, I get jealous. Something about the idea of cutting myself attracts me. I don't understand why anyone would cut their own skin and I know it's not a good thing, yet I want to experience that. I know this mindset is completely retarded and I really wish it would not be who I am as it brings so much shame for me.

 

[Boonks]

The scars I have are a source of profound shame. I can't even bear to look at them, never mind wearing something comfortable in hot weather where others can.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Please don't start cutting. Once they heal- they will keep reminding you of what happened. It does for me, and that itself is a trigger.
Then once you cut, you gotta do the whole cleaning process ugh. worry about infection, etc
I can't wear certain clothes cause I gotta hide them.
Its just something to be avoided if u can!!

 

[voool]

Thanks for venting as I'm sure you're not the only one; though you may want to seek out professional help. Have you tried therapy?

 

[CoolGuy9]

Please don't start cutting. Once they heal- they will keep reminding you of what happened. It does for me, and that itself is a trigger.
Then once you cut, you gotta do the whole cleaning process ugh. Sorry about infection, etc
I can't wear certain clothes cause I gotta hide them.
Its just something to be avoided if u can!!

I won't start cutting myself. Whatever compels people like you to do it doesn't compel me. It's just that I wish it did. I know that doesn't make any sense and I hate myself for being like this.

Thanks for venting as I'm sure you're not the only one; though you may want to seek out professional help. Have you tried therapy?

Gonna try therapy soon. I'm hoping that I can explain this to a professional and then he will be able to explain why I think like this. Not knowing why I think like this and also feeling like I'm the only one with this problem bothers me so much.

 

[Boonks]

Uff. I was psychotic when I cut myself. I never cut myself before. It's terribly traumatizing. I can't deal with this shit. If you're sane, please don't do it. You'll regret every day for the rest of your life.

 

[AhG]

I have scars on my forearm from when I was younger, I was in a lot of pain and didn't know how to cope in a healthy way, so I started cutting. I stopped when I got with my wife, and when I got into HS a lot of people asked me what was wrong with my arm. They figured it to be burns, but only few people know why that are close to me.
Don't ever try to do it, you'll leave just with more hatred toward yourself then when you started.

 

[voool]

Gonna try therapy soon. I'm hoping that I can explain this to a professional and then he will be able to explain why I think like this. Not knowing why I think like this and also feeling like I'm the only one with this problem bothers me so much.

That's awesome!

I used to be a self-injurer in my teenage years. 9 years later the best advice that I could give to someone (that I wish someone would have given to me) is to find a hobby that you love such as reading, art, writing, biking, exercising, cooking, photography, henna, etc.

When you feel or have those compulsions to SI submerge yourself into something that you enjoy doing that you'll find yourself proud of in the end.

GL dear friend!

 

[Ruffian]

I'm really glad everyone shared about this. I have thought about it, but never done it. I've hit myself in the past and that is traumatizing enough. I'm glad for those of you that stopped.

 

[Mr. Hang Man]

I have scars on my forearm from when I was younger, I was in a lot of pain and didn't know how to cope in a healthy way, so I started cutting. I stopped when I got with my wife, and when I got into HS a lot of people asked me what was wrong with my arm. They figured it to be burns, but only few people know why that are close to me.
Don't ever try to do it, you'll leave just with more hatred toward yourself then when you started.

Not only that but public shame as well if your cuts are noticed, they view it as attention seeking behavior.

I feel so retarded for thinking like this. I hate how I am like this. I really wish it wasn't a part of me, but it is. When I read a post about people cutting themselves, I get jealous. Something about the idea of cutting myself attracts me. I don't understand why anyone would cut their own skin and I know it's not a good thing, yet I want to experience that. I know this mindset is completely retarded and I really wish it would not be who I am as it brings so much shame for me.

I know, I feel the same way too where I feel that I need to cut to cope and just see how it feels like. The thing I feared the most are the noticeable scars that get left behind when you cut. My family views this kind of behavior as dishonorable and cowardly, but the desire is still there...

 

[salvation]

I have never cut, i don't know why

 

[neveranyhope]

@CoolGuy9 I understand the urge & hope therapy helps. I have so many gross cutting scars... I'd get them covered with tattoos if I could afford itt/ thought it would be worth it. It's embarrassing. The worst ones are on my legs, I don't know why, maybe the skin there is different but those are the worst. I cut myself again last year after I hadn't in 8 years... it's kind of like an addiction I guess. I always got a calming rush when I did it. I always liked the part after tending to the wounds, but then the scars stay bright pink for way too long. I wanted to push hard enough to do real damage (a friend's dad killed himself that way) but I was never brave enough. Good on you for reaching out for help. There aren't any words for how bad mental pain is and I hope you feel some peace in some way or another.