Venting The Comfort of Nothingness

[bloodyenamel]

ever since i denounced Christianity i found myself believing in eternal oblivion. there is no existence after death. you just die.

i spent most of my life terrified of death because of god, and due to my suicidality if i committed i wouldn't be able to go to heaven because i had killed a temple of god (my body). i grew up terrified of hell. now i realize to me, reality, the here and now, is hell.

heaven is no longer comforting. everyone should have an equal death. no solitude and no pain.. just nothing. like how it was before you existed. we all die someday so why cant some of us choose to die the way we want to? you are going to die from something. old age, drugs, illness, murder, etc. is it so awful for those sound of mind to make those decisions?

i figured if i starved myself through my eating disorder i could glimpse death and feel its clutches wrap me and take me from this lifetime. but it never got to that extent. selfharm never went further than cuts, bruises, or burns. eventually pain feels pointless because time heals those wounds. but i cant escape my mind. i cant escape my thoughts, the intrusions of wanting to drive off a cliff, or jump off of a high structure, get hit by a car-

i see no point anymore. the things i wish to do in this life feel like bandaids to the flesh wound of reality. its commercial like happiness and a train wreck of unfortunate events in between. nothing brings me joy. im sorry only to those around me that have beautiful lives and deserve to live it out. it just isnt for me.

i just wonder if anyone has felt this way besides me. i feel insane sometimes because despite taking meds and trying to push forward in my life... nothing helps. the thoughts are still there and the reminder of reality is so demanding that i dont know how much more ican take it.

i dont think im alone in this. but i am curious to just cease existence and live in eternal oblivion. nothingness. i choose this fate. if im wrong? if its reincarnation or some other form of religion, i think ill still feel the way i do regardless.

 

[blacksand]

Yes the nothing which preceeds and follows our life seems like nirvana.

 

[niki wonoto]

I'm from Indonesia. Yeah I actually feel & think quite the same way. For me personally, it's ever since I've known & learned about Nihilism, which only made my existential depression even much worse. To know that everything is meaningless, it's a meaningless existence, and that we're basically just insignificant people, or even more, insignificant specks of dust in this vast universe. Yet here we are, everyday we're being pressured & forced to encounter daily mundane earthly problems, or just plain boredom, or for people like us, feeling empty, lonely, isolated, & existential crisis. It's depressing. Of course "normal" people out there probably will never be able to understand what's going on in our mind everyday.

 

[bloodyenamel]

Yes the nothing which preceeds and follows our life seems like nirvana.

quite literally. ive expressed this to those around me and they simply cant understand. they are terrified of death. i myself dont understand why they are so scared. its a facet of life. everything lives and then dies. we humans arent special.

I'm from Indonesia. Yeah I actually feel & think quite the same way. For me personally, it's ever since I've known & learned about Nihilism, which only made my existential depression even much worse. To know that everything is meaningless, it's a meaningless existence, and that we're basically just insignificant people, or even more, insignificant specks of dust in this vast universe. Yet here we are, everyday we're being pressured & forced to encounter daily mundane earthly problems, or just plain boredom, or for people like us, feeling empty, lonely, isolated, & existential crisis. It's depressing. Of course "normal" people out there probably will never be able to understand what's going on in our mind everyday.

you put it very succinctly. society is built around the concept of furthering humanity and our technologies but human life is the cost. we suffer from man made concepts such as money or time, and everyone seems to be dillusioned by our reality itself because of how they are taught to precieve it. i appreciate the understanding and thank you for sharing your thoughts, it was nice to read them.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Suicide as a sin was only introduced into Christianity in the 6th century AD.
There is no mention of suicide as a sin in the Bible.
You have been lied to by the Church.

 

[bloodyenamel]

Suicide as a sin was only introduced into Christianity in the 6th century AD.
There is no mention of suicide as a sin in the Bible.
You have been lied to by the Church.

i appreciate hearing that. in church we were told over and over that since god created us the way we were meant to be, and that our body was a temple, if you were to self harm or commit then you were disrespecting gods intent for you to live. thank you for the information i didnt know that at all

 

[The anhedonic one]

i appreciate hearing that. in church we were told over and over that since god created us the way we were meant to be, and that our body was a temple, if you were to self harm or commit then you were disrespecting gods intent for you to live. thank you for the information i didnt know that at all

I left my Pentecostal church a few days after an ex pastor informed me of this.
Also, the word " hell " is an old English word that means " underground " as opposed to realm of eternal burning and torment.
Another lie added to the Bible.

 

[bloodyenamel]

I left my Pentecostal church a few days after an ex pastor informed me of this.
Also, the word " hell " is an old English word that means " underground " as opposed to realm of eternal burning and torment.
Another lie added to the Bible.

ya wow, i completely understand that. thank you for the information, again i never wanted to research into Christianity or the other denominations because it brings back those feelings of desperation. feeling not good enough no matter how much i pray or worship god. i went to a non denominational baptist church. they didnt speak of hell as a firey pit but rather only read a part where jesus compared hell to a pit next to where they were. i might be remembering wrong but thats all i remember them describing. or also that lucifer and a third of heaven fell and they are now what remains in "hell" for disobeying god.

 

[SeenMoreThanEnough]

ever since i denounced Christianity i found myself believing in eternal oblivion. there is no existence after death. you just die.

I used to believe that. The fact is, no one knows for sure. I no longer doubt the presence of the Almighty, whether it's God, an alien species, or something so fantastical that a human being trying to comprehend or even begin to understand it would be like trying to pop a DVD into a toaster and expecting a movie to play. Something did this.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me anything related to religion certainly is fictional, it's a way to brainwash people. And of course eternal nothingness is the only relief when the alternative is enduring such a dreadful and futile existence that only leads to us decaying from age and dying anyway, to die is ideal as it's the only way to escape from all suffering, preventing all future harm. It's certainly absurd to be anti-suicide when we are all just destined to die anyway, there's no point to existing, we are just waiting around to die so to me it would always make sense to want to take control over my inevitable fate and forget everything about this existence.

I don't see the appeal to existing especially as existing is filled with suffering, all that appeals to me is being completely unaware of everything for all eternity. Existence is just meaningless and unnecessary torment, there's no purpose behind it all, no God, no deeper meaning, instead there's just emptiness, awareness of futilty and the knowledge that we are destined for nothing.

 

[Das Nichts]

Religion and society demand you grind yourself to the bones to make it worthwhile in the end, but the truth is there probably is nothing out there.
If you can make life worthwhile for yourself, and yourself only.