The bus is chasing me but I don't want to catch it, what do I do?

[livingisdisappointin]

I have tried medication, talk therapy, exercise, better nutrition, etc. I really don't want to be suicidal but can't undo the thoughts and feelings that suggest it is my only option. That, or just pick a path and walk down it, knowing it won't lead to happiness and that each step will be painful.

I know many others on this forum feel differently but I don't know where else to turn. Medication sedates me at best, and therapy is like bearing your soul to a wall that only offers generic platitudes in return. My family is also not helpful at all. They are proud of everything I do such that I kind of don't care or take their input seriously. I don't know what I expect from them but know that they are not helpful.

I don't have interests. I don't have passions. I am not qualified for anything. I quit my job and will run out of savings soon. I considered graduate school but fear that the debt, poor employment prospects and pressure to do well will just push me further into wanting to end it all.

I'm at the end of my rope in my late 20's, what gives? Did I just finish early?

 

[SpottedPanda]

It sounds like you'd benefit from some drastic changes being made in your life. It might mean sitting down and figuring out what outcomes you'd like, and what you can fill your time with, what will bring you the most enjoyment, et cetera.

It's not easy. I'm not even in therapy, but I take medication, which I'm not a fan of.

Maybe look at what are the biggest changes you can make that will benefit you, and you feel are doable, and try and figure out what sort of future you'd like, and then brainstorm ways to go about achieving this.

 

[livingisdisappointin]

It sounds like you'd benefit from some drastic changes being made in your life. It might mean sitting down and figuring out what outcomes you'd like, and what you can fill your time with, what will bring you the most enjoyment, et cetera.

It's not easy. I'm not even in therapy, but I take medication, which I'm not a fan of.

Maybe look at what are the biggest changes you can make that will benefit you, and you feel are doable, and try and figure out what sort of future you'd like, and then brainstorm ways to go about achieving this.

I appreciate this advice and have received it several times. I wish I knew how to surgically remove the cancerous parts of my life but it seems like there is nothing but cancer. I wish I knew what to do differently. I've accomplished all of my childhood dreams and still feel disappointed in consciousness, in the universe, in my life, in everything.

Nothing matters to me but the pain of being alive. I don't know how others manage to keep going. Maybe if I had kids or a pet I'd feel more compelled to do things I don't enjoy because of the need to provide? I just don't know. I wish I didn't have bills and commitments and could just check-in to an inpatient facility or something. But that isn't possible in the U.S. or this lifetime it seems.

 

[SpottedPanda]

I appreciate this advice and have received it several times. I wish I knew how to surgically remove the cancerous parts of my life but it seems like there is nothing but cancer. I wish I knew what to do differently. I've accomplished all of my childhood dreams and still feel disappointed in consciousness, in the universe, in my life, in everything.

Nothing matters to me but the pain of being alive. I don't know how others manage to keep going. Maybe if I had kids or a pet I'd feel more compelled to do things I don't enjoy because of the need to provide? I just don't know. I wish I didn't have bills and commitments and could just check-in to an inpatient facility or something. But that isn't possible in the U.S. or this lifetime it seems.

If you can afford to support them an animal might be a good support companion for you

 

[C_F]

Ya know, maybe consider a new therapist. They aren't all equal and it's shocking what the right therapist could do for you. There is the compatibility factor, also, most aren't trained to help suicidal people correctly. Your therapist may be good, but not a fit for you.

 

[Sickman75]

Maybe look into DMT for therapy. It will reset your brain. Any psychedelic use will reset you. DMT is easy to make. Like baking a cake.

 

[Darksektori]

Maybe look into DMT for therapy. It will reset your brain. Any psychedelic use will reset you. DMT is easy to make. Like baking a cake.

Rec Drugs are a band aid nothing more, a temporary solution perhaps until it takes hold and then your whole life will revolve around that, It's a trap. But that's just my perspective, you're free to choose whatever path you wish.

 

[Sickman75]

Rec Drugs are a band aid nothing more, a temporary solution perhaps until it takes hold and then your whole life will revolve around that, It's a trap. But that's just my perspective, you're free to choose whatever path you wish.

A band aid and nothing more? I think you need to do more research about psychedelics.

 

[Darksektori]

A band aid and nothing more? I think you need to do more research about psychedelics.

Depends on the trip it can be spirituality uplifting or the most terrifying experience of your life.

It's all fun untill your being chased by green bumblebees shooting purple lasers out of their stingers,

 

[CC123]

Strike up conversations with members in the Recovery thread.
Many have been where or are where you are at now.
Maybe you can share practical things with each other.

 

[bpdpos1]

Maybe look into DMT for therapy. It will reset your brain. Any psychedelic use will reset you. DMT is easy to make. Like baking a cake.

I wish I could try it before I CTB. But would be impossible for me to find

 

[raindrops]

I'm the same no interests, no passions, no qualifications.
Wish I had a dog to take for a walk, maybe then I'd get out more.
Do you have your own place?
I think if I had independence, my own place, a secure well paid job and a dog!! I'd feel better

 

[rikamonie]

i also have no qualifications or hobby that makes me happy, i literally spend all day doing nothing, i dont find joy in anything all i had joy in was spending time with my girlfriend cant do that anymore since we broke up so hope you find reason to stay

 

[Sickman75]

I wish I could try it before I CTB. But would be impossible for me to find

You can make it pretty cheaply

 

[Polly]

I'm the same no interests, no passions, no qualifications.
Wish I had a dog to take for a walk, maybe then I'd get out more.
Do you have your own place?
I think if I had independence, my own place, a secure well paid job and a dog!! I'd feel better

Volunteer at an animal shelter. Save those lives while you're figuring out whst to do with your own.

 

[raindrops]

Volunteer at an animal shelter. Save those lives while you're figuring out whst to do with your own.

This is an awesome idea, ty! I'm going to search shelters in my area. I never thought of this, I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself ffs. Thank you!!!

 

[DownInaHole]

Smoke weed everyday. That's what I'd do. I'd start low dose.

 

[Sickman75]

Smoke weed everyday. That's what I'd do. I'd start low dose.

Hey an Alice in chains fan!

 

[Secrets1]

I appreciate this advice and have received it several times. I wish I knew how to surgically remove the cancerous parts of my life but it seems like there is nothing but cancer. I wish I knew what to do differently. I've accomplished all of my childhood dreams and still feel disappointed in consciousness, in the universe, in my life, in everything.

Nothing matters to me but the pain of being alive. I don't know how others manage to keep going. Maybe if I had kids or a pet I'd feel more compelled to do things I don't enjoy because of the need to provide? I just don't know. I wish I didn't have bills and commitments and could just check-in to an inpatient facility or something. But that isn't possible in the U.S. or this lifetime it seems.

Try thinking abstractly as an exercise. This is evidence your childhood dreams aren't everything you imagined. Taking a radically different path may be the answer. Volunteering is a good place to get out of your own comfort zone and programmed way of thinking. Can also be a nice breather away from life. Heck, i should listen to my advice too. It's hard to get the ball rolling but worth a shot. You seem plenty capable for all sorts of opportunities.

 

[EraseRewind]

I'm at the end of my rope in my late 20's, what gives? Did I just finish early?

Your post hits the nail on the head for me, I wish I had identified it in my twenties, instead I drank on until my mid forties. Now I'm sober for five years and that statement you made above is haunting me, I think is this what I got sober for? I'm going to keep trying even though the chips are stacked against me this time.

I've tried to "end it" but failed through poor execution and/ or just bad luck. I don't want to try again then fail and do some irreparable damage, especially as I'm now in my 50's. There'll be no job because age and record, all my own doing when I was drunk. I'm treading water until my health fails, I'm sure it won't be long.

I really hope you find that next thing you can have a passion for, you've been smart enough to see this early. I don't think you've finished yet, besides in your 20's they won't let you. I can't give advice because when I was your age I was a drunk who just drifted on the breeze, now I'm sober I can't remember what I did myself.

Good luck, sorry about the ramble but I really got your post.

 

[livingisdisappointin]

Smoke weed everyday. That's what I'd do. I'd start low dose.

I quit when I quit my job bc it's expensive haha!

Thanks to everyone that has responded to this thread, regardless of what you contributed. I'm honestly tearing up at the human contact and wish I could hug all of you. Lots of great advice I will follow-up on.

 

[Sickman75]

Your post hits the nail on the head for me, I wish I had identified it in my twenties, instead I drank on until my mid forties. Now I'm sober for five years and that statement you made above is haunting me, I think is this what I got sober for? I'm going to keep trying even though the chips are stacked against me this time.

I've tried to "end it" but failed through poor execution and/ or just bad luck. I don't want to try again then fail and do some irreparable damage, especially as I'm now in my 50's. There'll be no job because age and record, all my own doing when I was drunk. I'm treading water until my health fails, I'm sure it won't be long.

I really hope you find that next thing you can have a passion for, you've been smart enough to see this early. I don't think you've finished yet, besides in your 20's they won't let you. I can't give advice because when I was your age I was a drunk who just drifted on the breeze, now I'm sober I can't remember what I did myself.

Good luck, sorry about the ramble but I really got your post.

I quit alcohol and opiates I'm 45. Been clean 1.7 years. It's ok man, don't let that bother you because you sobered up at a later age. That's good on you.

 

[bpdpos1]

You can make it pretty cheaply

how?

 

[Sickman75]

how?

Root bark is 100 bucks

 

[ocheeva]

I appreciate this advice and have received it several times. I wish I knew how to surgically remove the cancerous parts of my life but it seems like there is nothing but cancer. I wish I knew what to do differently. I've accomplished all of my childhood dreams and still feel disappointed in consciousness, in the universe, in my life, in everything.

Nothing matters to me but the pain of being alive. I don't know how others manage to keep going. Maybe if I had kids or a pet I'd feel more compelled to do things I don't enjoy because of the need to provide? I just don't know. I wish I didn't have bills and commitments and could just check-in to an inpatient facility or something. But that isn't possible in the U.S. or this lifetime it seems.

What were your childhood dreams? And why did you quit your job?

 

[livingisdisappointin]

What were your childhood dreams? And why did you quit your job?

All of my childhood dreams involved professional milestones. Wouldn't want to dox myself by sharing specifics. Also not bragging as even still I've made a terrible mess of my life and could have achieved more if not for my own shortcomings.

I quit my job because I hated it! The industry I worked in is disgusting. Still figuring out what my next steps will be.