Lynx.
Member
- Sep 28, 2022
- 80
There is a point in which one might feel as if they'd die of asphyxiation from life - the burden of being alive becomes simply too much to bear it.
If only one could take a break from existence, once in a while, it would make things easier to digest. I have to spend a lifetime with myself: such a thought fills me with disgust and anxiety - and there's no rest from consciousness and being alive. It slowly burns one's vitality and will to live to ashes.
Two decades have been spent without rest for me, and there have been decent moments mixed with bad ones - but most of it was mediocre moments and totally unnecessary ones. As a child, I was mostly confused, looking around for answers and relying on the adults in my life to provide them - only to realize later that they were as confused as me.
Life is a mere task to be fulfilled, and many are content in playing their part - but what about those that cannot do anything else than contradict existence and their own being? What about those that can only taste the bitterness in things? I seek meaning where there is none - I search for answers in an empty space.
Every second that passes is a new potential for tragedy, and every sensation is a curse.
At some point, even the voice of another human being alone brings a sensation of panic and anxiety - if only we could see our inner pain reflected into our bodies... If one could see the pain of another being in their face, pale and disfigured, we would weep forever, without ever feeling the need of saying a single word - for what use is there for words when confronted with the cruelty of the world?
The wounds of existence run deeper than any amount of platitudes and barren words can ever hope to reach.
To give hope to someone that is in a deep state of suffering is to lie about the reality of things - things do not get better, one just becomes used to the pain. But I cannot ever get used to it - I'm obsessed with suffering, it is forever in the back of my mind.
Not only my own suffering - since it is but an ounce of the suffering shared by most living beings on this world. To care for the world is to be burned along with it - and I care too deeply, about all the beings on it, and their communion of suffering. Sadly, we treat all we touch with disgust and apathy.
It is better to never have been, to never have been forced to witness any of this - the sensitive individual is condemned to smell the stench of existence until death.
I am one of many on this forum that sees life as meaningless, and us living beings as an extension to nothing. However, every ounce of pain that an individual feels is meaningful - in a negative way - the existence of that individual matters to them, therefore the existence of pain is equally meaningful to the individual since they are the ones experiencing it: it doesn't make life meaningful, but rather a horrible imposition, since a meaningful individual is forced to participate in a meaningless struggle, probably causing even more pain to other individuals.
Us human beings constantly harm not only other living beings but each other on a regular basis, be it accidental or on purpose. At some point, the show becomes an awful display of carnage and hipocrisy, and I'd rather gouge my eyes out than to witness this for another day - if I only had the courage to take such a drastic action.
I only wish a rest - preferably eternal.
Could also do with a hug or two for a while...
If only one could take a break from existence, once in a while, it would make things easier to digest. I have to spend a lifetime with myself: such a thought fills me with disgust and anxiety - and there's no rest from consciousness and being alive. It slowly burns one's vitality and will to live to ashes.
Two decades have been spent without rest for me, and there have been decent moments mixed with bad ones - but most of it was mediocre moments and totally unnecessary ones. As a child, I was mostly confused, looking around for answers and relying on the adults in my life to provide them - only to realize later that they were as confused as me.
Life is a mere task to be fulfilled, and many are content in playing their part - but what about those that cannot do anything else than contradict existence and their own being? What about those that can only taste the bitterness in things? I seek meaning where there is none - I search for answers in an empty space.
Every second that passes is a new potential for tragedy, and every sensation is a curse.
At some point, even the voice of another human being alone brings a sensation of panic and anxiety - if only we could see our inner pain reflected into our bodies... If one could see the pain of another being in their face, pale and disfigured, we would weep forever, without ever feeling the need of saying a single word - for what use is there for words when confronted with the cruelty of the world?
The wounds of existence run deeper than any amount of platitudes and barren words can ever hope to reach.
To give hope to someone that is in a deep state of suffering is to lie about the reality of things - things do not get better, one just becomes used to the pain. But I cannot ever get used to it - I'm obsessed with suffering, it is forever in the back of my mind.
Not only my own suffering - since it is but an ounce of the suffering shared by most living beings on this world. To care for the world is to be burned along with it - and I care too deeply, about all the beings on it, and their communion of suffering. Sadly, we treat all we touch with disgust and apathy.
It is better to never have been, to never have been forced to witness any of this - the sensitive individual is condemned to smell the stench of existence until death.
I am one of many on this forum that sees life as meaningless, and us living beings as an extension to nothing. However, every ounce of pain that an individual feels is meaningful - in a negative way - the existence of that individual matters to them, therefore the existence of pain is equally meaningful to the individual since they are the ones experiencing it: it doesn't make life meaningful, but rather a horrible imposition, since a meaningful individual is forced to participate in a meaningless struggle, probably causing even more pain to other individuals.
Us human beings constantly harm not only other living beings but each other on a regular basis, be it accidental or on purpose. At some point, the show becomes an awful display of carnage and hipocrisy, and I'd rather gouge my eyes out than to witness this for another day - if I only had the courage to take such a drastic action.
I only wish a rest - preferably eternal.
Could also do with a hug or two for a while...
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