The brutally honest truth

[Busticket]

If I am honest with myself, the truth Is that I simply do not and probably will never have the courage to ctb no matter how shitty my life will get (it is already pretty shitty).
I am too much of a coward for that.
I am simply too afraid of death.

I was always a coward.
From a young age.
In my country there is a mandatory military conscription.
I was recruited to a combat position but I managed to get out of it using psychologists and psychiatrists and I actually went home everyday from the base because again I am a coward.
I feel ashamed when I hear about people who served in combat position and I feel guilt when I read the news about combat soldiers who died.

 

[motel rooms]

If I am honest with myself, the truth Is that I simply do not and probably will never have the courage to ctb.
I am too much of a coward for that.
I am simply too afraid of death.

I guess it's brave to admit that to oneself

 

[Symbiote]

Most people around the world, whether depressed or happy are afraid of death. It's brave to wanting to understand death and all that it entails, to question mortality and what it means to truly be done with the world.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yeah, I think the same.
It seems I can't ctb unless I have SN or N with me.

 

[MMB]

If people were unafraid this group wouldn't need to exist. But we are. We are afraid of death. Afraid of pain. Afraid of failing to ctb. Afraid of being found and hospitalised. Afraid of our thoughts.

It takes bravery to admit that. I'm very afraid of pain. I have had methods and opportunities but I only want a 100% certain, painless exit. I have regular access to the roof of a 17 storey building with a tarmac car park below. Guaranteed success but I'm so afraid of the pain when I land that I can't go over the edge.

 

[Busticket]

Yeah, I think the same.
It seems I can't ctb unless I have SN or N with me.

Even if I will have those I will not have the courage to take them.

 

[Efilismislife]

Fear is the only thing that keep people still alive/surviving.
Thats what everybody do in this world
If people not afraid they wont keep living and struggling only to live, eating work, etc for surviving. Right?

at least you dont deny that youre afraid. im also having a hard time to ctb cause im afraid but i really need to have the bravery to end/exit

If I am honest with myself, the truth Is that I simply do not and probably will never have the courage to ctb no matter how shitty my life will get (it is already pretty shitty).
I am too much of a coward for that.
I am simply too afraid of death.

I was always a coward.
From a young age.
In my country there is a mandatory military conscription.
I was recruited to a combat position but I managed to get out of it using psychologists and psychiatrists and I actually went home everyday from the base because again I am a coward.
I feel ashamed when I hear about people who served in combat position and I feel guilt when I read the news about combat soldiers who died.

If people were unafraid this group wouldn't need to exist. But we are. We are afraid of death. Afraid of pain. Afraid of failing to ctb. Afraid of being found and hospitalised. Afraid of our thoughts.

or afraid of hurting or leaving their family or people who are dear to them.
The reason is still fear.

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally find the thought of being dead comforting but I understand how it might scare others as it is the unknown. Dying is hard to come to terms with, because as humans we are programmed to live and survive, which means taking our own lives is hard. For me its the consequences of failed attempts. It isn't really cowardly at all.

 

[deepinlimbo]

If I am honest with myself, the truth Is that I simply do not and probably will never have the courage to ctb no matter how shitty my life will get (it is already pretty shitty).
I am too much of a coward for that.
I am simply too afraid of death.

I was always a coward.
From a young age.
In my country there is a mandatory military conscription.
I was recruited to a combat position but I managed to get out of it using psychologists and psychiatrists and I actually went home everyday from the base because again I am a coward.
I feel ashamed when I hear about people who served in combat position and I feel guilt when I read the news about combat soldiers who died.

It also takes bravery to carry on. I think it's brave either way really. It frustrates me when people say "he killed himself/herself because they took the cowards way out" say that to person who slits their wrists open with a glass bottle like avici did or someone who jumps off a bridge. It takes courage to stare death in the face and tackle it and face the unknown.

Equally so to carry on even in spite of utter turmoil, hence why I have great respect for people who also carry on.


There is no shame in carrying on. I empathise with your position.

I know there's a rope with my name on it but I don't have the balls of steel to wrap it around my neck and let it do the job.

don't beat yourself up over it You don't deserve it. If the time is right you will know. But don't punish yourself more than you probably are now. We are all on this bus ride of uncertainty and sadness together.

 

[Largeletters]

If people were unafraid this group wouldn't need to exist. But we are. We are afraid of death. Afraid of pain. Afraid of failing to ctb. Afraid of being found and hospitalised. Afraid of our thoughts.

It takes bravery to admit that. I'm very afraid of pain. I have had methods and opportunities but I only want a 100% certain, painless exit. I have regular access to the roof of a 17 storey building with a tarmac car park below. Guaranteed success but I'm so afraid of the pain when I land that I can't go over the edge.

I completely agree and relate to you

 

[Efilismislife]

There are many reliable method with no chance of failing though like jumping from high building, bleed to death, full hanging, cyanide/rat poison, suffocation with handcuff/strap, etc

But i cant stand the pain

I personally find the thought of being dead comforting but I understand how it might scare others as it is the unknown. Dying is hard to come to terms with, because as humans we are programmed to live and survive, which means taking our own lives is hard. For me its the consequences of failed attempts. It isn't really cowardly at all.

 

[motel rooms]

It all comes down to pain... When the pain gets truly unbearable, when absolutely nothing can distract us from it anymore, we find the courage to end our misery