The big poll for christmas: what do you prefer being numb or sad/depressed?

[noname223]

Recently I increased my antipsychotics. And at least temporarily I am quite numb. I wish this could last forever but it is unlikely. The medication loses it full effect pretty fast. When I started it I barely could stay awake after taking it nowadays nothing in comparison.

I ask myself which sad life I must I have to consider being numb something positive. And yes I have a very depressing life and my psychotic brain ruined a chance with an incredible woman and it even already plans to destroy the next opportunity with another woman.

I told my grandma and dad I feel better since the increase of the dosage. It was my christmas present to them but hell on earth my life quality sucks ass. My grandma asked me to spend more time with her and my mom (who abused me/made me this wreck.) Maybe I am a selfish asshole but I cannot do it. I just hate these people and noone protected as a child. In case I will grow old I will be alone at christmas in contrast to them. I probably cannot even work. I will probably kill me within the 10 years this is far far from unlikely.

Since I am taking antipsychotics I barely cry. And I kind of miss that (sometimes). It can be cathartic. All in all though I prefer being numb over being depressed. However the question is way more intricate. I am bipolar with many extreme emotions my numbness is probably completely different to being numb for a usual unipolar depressed person. I am also still interested in my hobbies which is unusal for depressed people. However I had for example insane psychosomatic pain in the past. And I plan to kill myself if and when that torture returns.

I think there are different types of being numb. And the most accurate answer would probably be the right ratio between sadness and numbness. For a poll this is too complex of an answer. But maybe you would like share your take with a comment.

I will decide for being numb.

 

[AsexualArgonianBard]

I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing, friend. Thank you for being open and honest about it.

You mentioned hobbies and interests that you're still able to enjoy, which is a positive sign. Holding onto these interests can be a source of comfort and stability during turbulent times.

Regarding your family, it's essential to prioritize your mental health. It's okay to set boundaries, especially if being around certain people is harmful to your well-being. You're not selfish for needing to protect yourself from situations that can cause you pain.

As for your question, I'd prefer to feel sad/depressed over numb. I've found that numbness is a sign that I'm suppressing my feelings, which can result in some pretty significant outbursts. I try to let those feelings simply be a part of me, rather than trying to fight them, because I know they'll pass eventually.

 

[Celerity]

Having experienced both, definitely sadness. I had suffered depression for over a decade before the true anhedonia and numbness hit. It felt like I was already dead. I would wish the experience on no one. You just cannot understand it unless you've been through it. I hardly understand it myself now, years later. It was like my brain broke. I only remember the certainty that it was the worst depression I had ever felt, something in a category all on its own. With my past experience, I can understand how someone could go catatonic.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Both. It would have been better to stay at home and rot there, what I do all the time anyway. Now I rot in a hotel room on a fucked up excursion. I consider going home today to go on rotting there.

 

[newave3]

Feeling numb IMHO is the absolute worst state of mind a person can be in.
I'd give anything to feel any kind of emotion.
Numbness is like being a living corpse.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's so hard to choose because there are kind of extremes of each and you don't really appreciate any emotion if it is all the time. Like- numbness can feel like a relief if you have been crying so hard you can hardly breath. But- if you feel numb for too long, it just feels so unnatural. I don't think we're designed to have just one emotion.

I guess they're necessary and I expect I would feel like I needed them again under certain circumstances but, I'm not a big fan of antidepressants for that reason. I'd rather feel all my emotions although- it may get to a point where I can't again.