"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now"

[SCHOPENHAUERBITCH]

I've thought about this Confucius saying a lot for years now. It's one I can't quite get out of my head.
I think the way this applies to suicide is interesting.
The first time I ever thought about suicide was after a year or so of depression and a generally shitty life. One of the main things that stopped me from committing was the idea that I'd suffered a whole year and it would be a waste to end it now. There's a chance I might recover.
Now, years down the line, I realise that I didn't recover and possibly never will. I constantly think about how much better a situation I would be in if I ended it way back then and didn't have to endure the last 6 years of pain.
So my mind keeps landing back on that quote. "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now" and that really makes me want to ctb right now.
The thing is for whatever reason, probably because of my dumb human brain, I can't help but feel like things will get better even thought they probably won't. I'm just now entering into proper adulthood and depression as a teenager is rough but I'm sure depression as an adult is 100x worse. People always say the teen years and childhood are the best years of your life so if it gets worse and my depression doesn't have an end, surely I should be logical and call it a day right here right now. Plant my tree now rather than in 20 years.
If anyone has any guidance or recovery stories through adulthood, it would be helpful

 

[naughtyNaughtyBear]

I know exactly what you mean.

People always say the teen years and childhood are the best years of your life so if it gets worse and my depression doesn't have an end, surely I should be logical and call it a day right here right now

I know exactly what you mean here, I relate to this so hard.

And I know how painful it is.

It fucking sucks and you don't deserve to feel like that.

But in my optics, after some self reflection and a lot of recovery, I think this in a way can lead to a better quality of life in the long run.

People who say that, and who feel like that, are often jaded and unreflective. A lot of them have completely fucked up their lives and instead of taking responsibility they justify it as "it is what it is".

It's like a law of nature.

But like, it's not?

You on the other hand do take responsibility! Too much of it in fact. You're introspective and are capable of seeing when and where you were wrong, and how to better conduct yourself.

I think that's one of the key traits in depression. The issue is that all this introspection can leave to a lot of self-hatred and low self esteem, especially because people who don't have this capability can often take advantage of you.

However, think of it this way, if you were to shed that weight, you would mop the floor with all those people.

Youd be OP and make your life much better than what they think they had in the "good ol days".

------

Also have you looked into medication? I started feeling much better after I found meds that work for me, it was very important.

-----

Anyways I hope you can relate, here wishing you good luck on your recovery. Reach out anytime!!

 

[SCHOPENHAUERBITCH]

I know exactly what you mean.




I know exactly what you mean here, I relate to this so hard.

And I know how painful it is.

It fucking sucks and you don't deserve to feel like that.

But in my optics, after some self reflection and a lot of recovery, I think this in a way can lead to a better quality of life in the long run.

People who say that, and who feel like that, are often jaded and unreflective. A lot of them have completely fucked up their lives and instead of taking responsibility they justify it as "it is what it is".

It's like a law of nature.

But like, it's not?

You on the other hand do take responsibility! Too much of it in fact. You're introspective and are capable of seeing when and where you were wrong, and how to better conduct yourself.

I think that's one of the key traits in depression. The issue is that all this introspection can leave to a lot of self-hatred and low self esteem, especially because people who don't have this capability can often take advantage of you.

However, think of it this way, if you were to shed that weight, you would mop the floor with all those people.

Youd be OP and make your life much better than what they think they had in the "good ol days".

------

Also have you looked into medication? I started feeling much better after I found meds that work for me, it was very important.

-----

Anyways I hope you can relate, here wishing you good luck on your recovery. Reach out anytime!!

Yeah, i'm currently on meds and they do seriously make me feel a lot better. I sure do hope what you're saying is true... and hope's something I need so thank you. I've found that I'm always happier when I act than when I get lost in thought and introspection. It's hard for me to live a life trying to be oblivious and ignorant but to be honest, people who don't think too much are often the happiest people

 

[soul2realm]

Feel like that all the time. But if not anything else, the way we perceive things gets way too comprehensive and rather wise.

 

[naughtyNaughtyBear]

Yeah, i'm currently on meds and they do seriously make me feel a lot better. I sure do hope what you're saying is true... and hope's something I need so thank you. I've found that I'm always happier when I act than when I get lost in thought and introspection. It's hard for me to live a life trying to be oblivious and ignorant but to be honest, people who don't think too much are often the happiest people

Well im so glad you relate.

And yeah the ones among us who don't think so hard tend to seem happier, but if we were like them wed have to contend with the fact were complete bafoons

So i like it better this way, for better or worse.

Glad to know you found functional medication!

Good luck with your recovery and stay in touch

 

[Hvergelmir]

People always say the teen years and childhood are the best years of your life...

In an average good life, that's probably true. It's however not a universal truth.
For me, my childhood was clearly the worst time. Though the scars run deep, I have freedom as an adult. I'll never be completely stuck in a toxic environment, again.

Plant my tree now rather than in 20 years.

Suicide isn't an investment, that needs time to grow.
If you want a tree, plant it as soon as possible. The same idea applies to starting a savings account, therapy, or an education or career.
Death is guaranteed, and weather you kill yourself now or in 20 years, or not at all, doesn't really matter. The end result is the same.

If anyone has any guidance or recovery stories through adulthood, it would be helpful

I don't know your story, but as an adult you're free. As someone at the brink of suicide, you can also accept a lot of risk.
Try to ignore fear, and pursue what you want.

A problem with a bad childhood, is that we tend to grow up lost, not knowing what we want.
Plant lots of trees... and bushes, and whatever else you can think of. Hopefully something come out of it. Take as many opportunities as possible, whether you think they'll pay off or not. Many investments comes without real cost, other than time and focus, which will be lost anyway.

 

[SCHOPENHAUERBITCH]

In an average good life, that's probably true. It's however not a universal truth.
For me, my childhood was clearly the worst time. Though the scars run deep, I have freedom as an adult. I'll never be completely stuck in a toxic environment, again.

Suicide isn't an investment, that needs time to grow.
If you want a tree, plant it as soon as possible. The same idea applies to starting a savings account, therapy, or an education or career.
Death is guaranteed, and weather you kill yourself now or in 20 years, or not at all, doesn't really matter. The end result is the same.


I don't know your story, but as an adult you're free. As someone at the brink of suicide, you can also accept a lot of risk.
Try to ignore fear, and pursue what you want.

A problem with a bad childhood, is that we tend to grow up lost, not knowing what we want.
Plant lots of trees... and bushes, and whatever else you can think of. Hopefully something come out of it. Take as many opportunities as possible, whether you think they'll pay off or not. Many investments comes without real cost, other than time and focus, which will be lost anyway.

Means a lot. Thank you