Venting The amount of suffering in this world is horrifying to me

[FuneralCry]

The fact is that this world really is the true hell and this is why suicide prevention is cruelty and why any positive views towards existence itself are delusions. There is no such thing as "recovery" when the reality is that life itself is the true problem, and that existence is something that is completely undesirable. It horrifies me the fact that so much endless torture exists in this world all for no purpose and all for no reason other than being an unfortunate consequence of evolution. Just having the ability to feel pain and suffer to unimaginable amounts is why existence disturbs me and why the thought of non existence comforts me so much.

Nobody can say that life is "beautiful" when all through chance we can end up in the worst torment possible and as long as we exist there is no relief from this possibility. Existence in itself is something harmful and burdensome with so many risks involved. So therefore to either choose to procreate or wish to prevent suicide will always be an unnacceptable act as it's prolonging and creating suffering that will inevitably be experienced by others.

Life in itself really is evil and only death is the true freedom from this pointless and endless cycle of meaningless torment where there is no limit as to how much we can suffer. It's so disturbing to think of all the ways that life can potentially torture existing beings and the tragedy lies in the fact that people wish to inflict such a thing as life onto others. There is already enough torture that exists without humans causing more. Just the harsh reality of this existence with all of the uncertainty and unpredictability has certainly always been a reason as to why I have despised being here, to be born and to have the ability to suffer really is a curse where all that we are destined for is to deteriorate from age where we will just be tortured more. None of us should have to struggle in finding ways to die so that we can escape this reality, suicide really should be as easy as just wishing to be gone especially because of the fact that what we go through can very quickly get so much worse with little that we can do about it. The reality is that life in itself is suffering and existence has always been something that I would rather avoid.

 

[jodes2]

Many people manage to cope and thrive. It's just harder for some people

 

[Tricondyla ledouxi]

100% agree with everything.

 

[sadDaysAhead]

does it shock you that if you die you will just be another login and crossed out name on ss i hate my life:( i wish i was died then be living this way .

 

[alivefornow]

I understand your point of view and I can somewhat agree.

You must be feeling really down to write these things, and I can relate.

You must understand life is not always s***. There are moments of pure joy and bliss that can make one feel life is worth living. I'd be willing to bet you have felt this before. Even if you don't remember how it feels, you probably remember having felt it.

However, users of this website, like me and probably you, have lost their ability to rejoice in such moments. We are sick people who have lost the ability to feel good, even when we are supposed to. After months or even years of being like this, you feel like you can't escape, and that death is the only answer. I'm not here to tell you it isn't.

Every single person in this website is here for a different reason, and it's impossible to state with certainty there is no saving any of us. Some people here want to be saved. Some people here need to be saved.

There is happiness in this world, it's just not for everybody. I don't know if this makes things better or worse, because it feels unfair to live in a world in which happiness exists but is unreachable to us. There are warm, fuzzy, comfy feelings to to be had, but we have been dealt only heart pain and mental turmoil. Makes one want to catch the bus.

I can see your post count and I can tell you have been dealing with this turmoil for very long, for which I commend your strength for lasting this long. Whichever path you choose, I wish you find peace and rest.

 

[Unending]

It's devastating to realize that the difference between being a happy go lucky optimist who loves their life and a tortured, mutilated animal in a slaughterhouse is literally only up to chance. Things like this lead me to think that the nature of existence is deeply, deeply flawed. It's much easier to think that life is great when you win the lottery or even just don't lose it in the worst way possible.

I think that it's a good thing to be able to say, even if you personally like life, that you understand the defects that are written into the metaphorical program.

 

[blackwidow]

Every day for you must be like hell.. What ever that's like. I have no idea how you manage to exist day after day. Year after year... You must be one tough cookie.. Il pray for you.