Venting The 2010´s are almost over

[TheGoodGuy]

I miss my childhood and teenage years and I will never accept that I will never experience living again because childhood and teenage years are living, adulthood is just existing

So it´s soul crushing to me that this decade is almost over because I can find some solace in thinking that I had a lot of fun, exciting and was living when I was 16 years old back in 2010 and up untill 2012-2013 I could still feel some excitement, hopes and dreams and nostalgia none of which I can feel now because of apathy.
My point is I miss my childhood and teenage years (my youth) and I hate change and living in the 2010´s is the last thing I have from the past I know it may sound stupid to some but at least I still lived a fun, exciting life with hopes and dreams and still had feelings in this decade granted it was in the beginning of the decade but still.

Now it´s soon over and it´s like the final nail in the coffin of my youth that at least when I think about the 10´s I was living now after I enter a new decade the 2020´s it´s a whole new decade of a boring, trivial existence with no emotions because of apathy and no friends, no life just nothing! My apathy has gotten worse each year over the past 5 years so now I enter a new decade that will have nothing but apathy, pain and suffering. I feel like I am repeating myself but I can´t stress it enough how tragic this is for me because I was still a teenager living life in the early 2010´s so I actually lived and made memories with friends in this decade but the next one will be like walking through a door looking back to see a glimpt of my teenage years only for that door to be closed on me forever.


I think more and more every day if I should kill myself on New Years Eve I probably won´t but I so dread entering a new decade and at least it would be somewhat comforting to know at least I died in the 2010´s just like a planned when I was 18-19 back in 2012-2013 so it´s like the regret I have for not going through with killing myself back then would be somewhat redeemed because I finally did it.

 

[exhausted]

I have only tried to kill myself once before and it was June 3 2009, so I felt bitter not to have died poetically a decade later (this year), so I totally get your last paragraph. I have read quite a few times that people who have been through trauma get really hung up on time/time periods/cycles/other timey wimey things etc. There are of course quite a few reasons for those phenomena. I have to say that you are dealing in absolutes with the statement "childhood and teenage years are living, adulthood is just existing ", I don't quite agree, but that's how you feel, so fair dos. Personally, I am holding out for the possibility of some psychological sunshine next year, the buzz of "a new decade, woohoo". I am hopingggggg I might feel a bit excited in the New Year, usually this lasts a couple of days and then I get sad again. I like the name "2020" though, I want a perfect vision. Perhaps the beginning of this new decade will be like the start of the 2010s, enjoyable for you. I understand how painful the intricacies of how time relates to our lives is. The end of this year does not signal the end of your chance for happiness though.