Thats ot

[DT2007]

Okay, that's it. My partner just told me that she is going to leave me on top of everything else. She was my final straw. I am shit scared. I have to go. I must. I can't cope with all this any longer. I am not sure if I can. I must overcome my fears if dying. It's weird that I am scared of the one thing I want, isn't it. It would have been so much easier in the 80s. With valium available everywhere. Just take to many pills, have a little drink and a painless goodbye. Nowadays, fuck find a method. Co poisoning seemed the method of my choice so far but as I now have to go, doubts come back. I don't want doubts I want to go through with it. I have to. I got castor seeds I have a party balloon set with helium but I am scared. I don't want to be scared. I don't want my girlfriend to find me. I don't want to make her feel any guilt. The situation is so fucked up. Life isn't worth living anymore. I can't follow my thoughts even. Everything. Everything is over. Why can't I just get a heart attack and die. An aneurysm. Please lord. Make this pain go away. I know I haven't always been a good partner. I can't cope.
Not even here anyone is talking to me. Everything is so screwd.

 

[DT2007]

So. I had 50 quite happy year's and there is nothing more to come. I just grated a ricinus seed, rubbed it on my hand and I got bad itches and red spots. Liked the place and my tongue pitches too. But I know swallowing them will be a whole different story. I got 50 of them. I am unsure.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really wish it's more straightforward to permanently be free from this existence, I hate how it has to be so difficult to die. But anyway it must be dreadful what you are going through, I hope that you find freedom from all the suffering.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Sorry for your situation. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[DT2007]

I wish I wasn't such a scared person. That would make everything so much easier. Just jump infront of a train or something like that.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I'm sorry you're suffering.

Whatever happens, I hope you find peace.