Story That’s it for me

[Sherri]

After many years of trying anti depressants and many other crap, I was relieved that the ones I started to take 2 months ago were finally working. I was feeling better, less suicidal. Now the pills aren't working anymore and depression is winning again. I give up, don't wanna fight anymore or try anything else. There's nothing more medicine can do for me. Time to go, I've had enough, been sexually abused as a child, bullied at school, then at 17 left that god forsaken city and built a successful career. Slowly depression took everything from me. I'm almost bed ridden, barely have energy to even take a shower. I never posted anything so long here, but needed to vent a bit. Everyone tells me I'm such a beautiful woman, maybe I am, but that doesn't help me with whats inside me. Today I stopped all medication. Will not show up to any future appointments. Will do my very best to get N. I've suffered most of my life, there's no way I will allow me to suffer in my death. Not even for 10 minutes like sn. I have a good friend who's a vet. When she is distracted I will look for N. How much you guys think I need? Is it liquid, powder?

 

[k75]

I'm sorry, I know you said you're done, but I have to ask... Have you had any adjustments to your dose since starting? Sometimes we build up a tolerance and all it takes is a little increase to get them working again. I feel like if they did work and stopped, you might have been on the right track.

Anyway, I'm sorry I can't help more. I'm decently versed in meds but not N. I do understand how awful you must be feeling, though. I'm really sorry.

 

[Sherri]

I'm sorry, I know you said you're done, but I have to ask... Have you had any adjustments to your dose since starting? Sometimes we build up a tolerance and all it takes is a little increase to get them working again. I feel like if they did work and stopped, you might have been on the right track.

Anyway, I'm sorry I can't help more. I'm decently versed in meds but not N. I do understand how awful you must be feeling, though. I'm really sorry.

It's ok, I don't wanna up the dose and then be here posting the same thing 2 months after.

 

[k75]

I understand. It's tough having to rely on them. I let my depression take over and completely stopped all of mine, because why bother? I'm trying to make myself start again, but it's like there's some sort of block stopping me even though I know it'll at least help a little.

 

[Sherri]

I understand. It's tough having to rely on them. I let my depression take over and completely stopped all of mine, because why bother? I'm trying to make myself start again, but it's like there's some sort of block stopping me even though I know it'll at least help a little.

No more upping doses for me, none of it has worked for me, only this one and for 2 months only.

 

[goodbyebunny]

I am so sorry Sherri. Oh my god. Hugs.

 

[Sherri]

I am so sorry Sherri. Oh my god. Hugs.

It's ok hun. There must be something better than this....

 

[Meditation guide]

When she is distracted I will look for N.

Hi Sherri, she may have it locked up. I understand wanting to get ahold of N really badly but don't get in trouble please.

 

[Sherri]

Hi Sherri, she may have it locked up. I understand wanting to get ahold of N really badly but don't get in trouble please.

Thanks for the tip, I will. Just dunno if it's liquid or powder. She does let me stay in the shop a lot while she does some errands, that's when I'll look for it.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

No more upping doses for me, none of it has worked for me, only this one and for 2 months only.

It's a shame that you won't at least try a higher dose of your current antidepressant, as it was working so well before. And of course, it goes without saying that you're going to feel even worse if you stop your medication without tapering it gradually. That being said, I understand and respect your decision to CTB. Good luck

 

[Meditation guide]

that's when I'll look for it.

I hope she is a REALLY good friend when she sees it is missing. I mean, that is a serious thing.
When we are desperate we take risks sometimes that can lead to problems.

 

[Sherri]

It's a shame that you won't at least try a higher dose of your current antidepressant, as it was working so well before. And of course, it goes without saying that you're going to feel even worse if you stop your medication without tapering it gradually. That being said, I understand and respect your decision to CTB. Good luck

Thank you, I don't wanna continue cause I dont wanna spend the rest of my life upping up the dose every 2 months. That's not Living it's surviving. Thanks and hugs.

I hope she is a REALLY good friend when she sees it is missing. I mean, that is a serious thing.
When we are desperate we take risks sometimes that can lead to problems.

She is a good friend. She would never rat me out.

 

[k75]

It comes in both forms, but IF she has it, it'll probably be liquid. And locked up tight, since it's very controlled. If some were to go missing, she could get in a lot of trouble, too.

If it were just a case of grabbing some behind a vet's back, I think this forum would be a very empty place.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

In the US, Pentobarbital is a schedule II controlled substance. The USP states that all CII narcotics must be kept under lock & key in a secure safe. It would most likely be a vial with liquid for injection. That being said, I've worked at a vet clinic & they did not keep it in a safe. But usually it would be locked up; it is accounted for & could put you in a undesirable legal situation as stealing narcotics is serious. It could also put your friend in a bad situation. Yes, the pain and suffering can cause us to do irrational things, but just know the risks & consequences. I'm sorry that your suffering so.

 

[Sherri]

It comes in both forms, but IF she has it, it'll probably be liquid. And locked up tight, since it's very controlled. If some were to go missing, she could get in a lot of trouble, too.

If it were just a case of grabbing some behind a vet's back, I think this forum would be a very empty place.

Thanks, you made me smile with your honesty. X

In the US, Pentobarbital is a schedule II controlled substance. The USP states that all CII narcotics must be kept under lock & key in a secure safe. It would most likely be a vial with liquid for injection. That being said, I've worked at a vet clinic & they did not keep it in a safe. But usually it would be locked up; it is accounted for & could put you in a undesirable legal situation as stealing narcotics is serious. It could also put your friend in a bad situation. Yes, the pain and suffering can cause us to do irrational things, but just know the risks & consequences. I'm sorry that your suffering so.

Thanks for the kind words...
I def don't wanna put my friend in any trouble, as of me. I don't care much. But I do care about her and her vet shop.

 

[schopenh]

Hey I know you're struggling a lot and you're just completely done but stopping your meds abruptly is almost certainly going to make things worse now and in the next few months. Please taper off them slowly if you can find the energy to do so.

 

[Sherri]

Hey I know you're struggling a lot and you're just completely done but stopping your meds abruptly is almost certainly going to make things worse now and in the next few months. Please taper off them slowly if you can find the energy to do so.

I'm not taking a lot of meds, maybe 3 total. Nothing too strong that would make me worse. xoxo

 

[Ghost2211]

I understand not desiring meds. You'll be missed. You've always been sweet to me ❤

 

[Sherri]

I understand not desiring meds. You'll be missed. You've always been sweet to me ❤

You too to me Rosey. We keep on liking each other's posts but rarely spoke. X

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Good luck with le big exit

 

[LittleJem]

I know just how you feel. I am also feeling hopeless and exhausted .
Before CTB, it could be worth trying psychedelics- microdosing or large dosing. Look at the Beckley Foundation website. MDMA therapy for PTSD is also very promising. I wish it were available and not just at research stage, but maybe you could find
I know just how you feel. I am also feeling hopeless and exhausted .
Before CTB, it could be worth trying psychedelics- microdosing or large dosing. Look at the Beckley Foundation website. MDMA therapy for PTSD is also very promising. I wish it were available and not just at research stage, but maybe you could find

 

[woknows]

I am sorry for your pain. I think that your friend might get into a lot of problems over your death with N you are going steal from her shop.

Have you done some blood work? I was feeling a lot worse with vitamin deficiency. Not like it is going to cost you a lot and doctors usually do not check for it.
Oh, a very old post. I am glad you are still around. I hope you are happy not leaving us yet.