It's that time of the moon again. I checked earlier and it will be the first quarter on Wednesday at 20:12 GMT. I've long thought that a quarter of the moon is the best time to end your life as things are calmer then and I'm less anxious. It was at such a point in the moon's cycle that I mde my only attempt last September. Just as then, I am now considering a whole range of factors including pain experienced through my inability to deal with anxiety effectively. My ability has waned since September and so my pain levels have increased. I eat very little now, usually snacking on a sandwich and I don't eat at all on many days. I experience more intense anxiety based chest pains, head pains and arsehole pains more often now. Not pleasant eh. And there's the question of sleep. Last night, I slept for only 4 hours and there are many days now when I sleep for only 1 to 4 hours.
From experiences I've had in life, I have come to believe in/ appreciate reincarnation. I've been fortunate enough to have had some wonderful experiences in life when I have been able to turn depression and anxiety on its head and enjoy bliss, peace and deep connection with others. But I sense that those adventures have come to an end now and the universe isn't providing for me to have any long term respite Perhaps it's time to end it all and trust that the adventures will continue in the next life. Who knows? This thinking played an important part in my decision to commit last September.
I am pleased that I survived as I've learned so much about msyelf and life since then. But..........
One other consideration in my thinking last year was that, contrary to what some people suggest, suicide is not a sin and that it is a means to an end just like other deaths. It's in the script for many people, it's part of God's big plan and that thinking was important for me.
From experiences I've had in life, I have come to believe in/ appreciate reincarnation. I've been fortunate enough to have had some wonderful experiences in life when I have been able to turn depression and anxiety on its head and enjoy bliss, peace and deep connection with others. But I sense that those adventures have come to an end now and the universe isn't providing for me to have any long term respite Perhaps it's time to end it all and trust that the adventures will continue in the next life. Who knows? This thinking played an important part in my decision to commit last September.
I am pleased that I survived as I've learned so much about msyelf and life since then. But..........
One other consideration in my thinking last year was that, contrary to what some people suggest, suicide is not a sin and that it is a means to an end just like other deaths. It's in the script for many people, it's part of God's big plan and that thinking was important for me.
