666razorblade
bleeding euphoria
- Jul 7, 2023
- 27
I think this is my last post. Not because I've decided to CTB, but because I've decided I'm choosing life once and for all. Things have changed for me in the past few months, quite a lot, really. I'm surprised how different I feel now compared to this time last year.
There was a time not so long ago where I couldn't think about anything except dying, and how much I wanted it. I felt hopeless, like nothing was worth living for, I'm sure I don't need to explain because you probably all know the feeling very well. I did not see any way I would live into 2024, but I'm here, and I have a plan, and things are going to be okay, I think.
I'll probably always be a bit depressed. I mean, nobody just gets better overnight after being mentally ill pretty much their whole life. But that's fine. I'm somehow, okay with that.
I got a puppy earlier this year and she's my entire world. She has given me a little life that I need to be there for. I spend a lot of time training her, I feel like I have purpose again. I taught her how to do some really impressive tricks, and people laugh and smile at them, and she makes me very proud. I have a reason to go outside now, walking her and all. Some days I feel like I'd rather rot in bed than go outside, but then I try to remember all the things she's done for me, and I think that the very least I could do is walk with her for an hour. It's good. I feel the wind and the sun and the rain on my skin and I feel alive again. I laugh again and I smile again. I don't cut or drink anymore. I work harder than I ever have in my life, and man, I fucking hate working, but at least these days I feel like I have a reason to do it. A few weeks back, I bought my puppy a lovely plush, fluffy bed with big soft walls she can lean against. She loves it. That makes everything worth it.
I wanted to come on here and say goodbye. When I was at rock bottom I felt like SS was the only place I could speak my truth without fear of getting locked up or even just looked at weird. I never managed to get a therapist because the NHS is dogshit, and the only time I did get into therapy, it sucked balls so bad that I left after two or three sessions. At least here, I could vent and I could speak my mind, and people understood. People completely understood my pain and I'm just grateful that this forum was there for me when the rest of the world wasn't. It was so liberating to have a place where people were sympathetic to the feeling of wanting to die. I truly think having this forum helped me out of my darkest moments.
I just wanted to post my story and my gratitude so that anyone who is trying to recover too can perhaps see how quickly things can change for the better. I don't want to CBT anymore. I like my life. I'm happy. If you want to be happy, I think you can do it too. If you want to live, I think you can do it too. I respect your decisions no matter what you choose. Thank you for everything, and good luck on your journey.
There was a time not so long ago where I couldn't think about anything except dying, and how much I wanted it. I felt hopeless, like nothing was worth living for, I'm sure I don't need to explain because you probably all know the feeling very well. I did not see any way I would live into 2024, but I'm here, and I have a plan, and things are going to be okay, I think.
I'll probably always be a bit depressed. I mean, nobody just gets better overnight after being mentally ill pretty much their whole life. But that's fine. I'm somehow, okay with that.
I got a puppy earlier this year and she's my entire world. She has given me a little life that I need to be there for. I spend a lot of time training her, I feel like I have purpose again. I taught her how to do some really impressive tricks, and people laugh and smile at them, and she makes me very proud. I have a reason to go outside now, walking her and all. Some days I feel like I'd rather rot in bed than go outside, but then I try to remember all the things she's done for me, and I think that the very least I could do is walk with her for an hour. It's good. I feel the wind and the sun and the rain on my skin and I feel alive again. I laugh again and I smile again. I don't cut or drink anymore. I work harder than I ever have in my life, and man, I fucking hate working, but at least these days I feel like I have a reason to do it. A few weeks back, I bought my puppy a lovely plush, fluffy bed with big soft walls she can lean against. She loves it. That makes everything worth it.
I wanted to come on here and say goodbye. When I was at rock bottom I felt like SS was the only place I could speak my truth without fear of getting locked up or even just looked at weird. I never managed to get a therapist because the NHS is dogshit, and the only time I did get into therapy, it sucked balls so bad that I left after two or three sessions. At least here, I could vent and I could speak my mind, and people understood. People completely understood my pain and I'm just grateful that this forum was there for me when the rest of the world wasn't. It was so liberating to have a place where people were sympathetic to the feeling of wanting to die. I truly think having this forum helped me out of my darkest moments.
I just wanted to post my story and my gratitude so that anyone who is trying to recover too can perhaps see how quickly things can change for the better. I don't want to CBT anymore. I like my life. I'm happy. If you want to be happy, I think you can do it too. If you want to live, I think you can do it too. I respect your decisions no matter what you choose. Thank you for everything, and good luck on your journey.
I dont know you but I know you have a great heart. I send you a hug!!!!!!!! Goodbyeeee
