Venting Terrified Insomniac Ramble

[freedompass]

I can't sleep so let me vent to you good people of SS. I sometimes lie awake in the night frozen with terror at some small sound inside or outside. I feel vulnerable as a female living alone at times not gonna lie. I wouldn't fancy my chances of fighting off an intruder either with my perma broken shoulder and upper arm, lack of fitness and zero martial arts training. Just now I kept hearing this weird and only just audible rhythmic tapping sound. Not unlike someone texting on a phone but faster, almost a creaking sound but not quite. I'm like. WTF IS THAT??? I don't know whether to be spooked or if my life is in danger, the universe is really having a laugh at my expense tonight and I can't sleep to save my life (not that I'd want to). It seems to have subsided now. No way am I opening the front door to investigate at 1am, fuck that. Ah the tapping has now been replaced by an unidentifiable rushing noise, that's fucking great. I am relieved the tapping stopped at least coz that was just plain creepy.

So you're getting my insomniac stream of consciousness from the silent night of terror where I can't put my Netflix series on or even the fan coz I have to keep listening for every noise.

Not a happy bunny. Mum is deteriorating. Son is being an utter shit to her while shunning me. Going down there tomorrow to try to get some care and support in place for her. Public transport is gonna suck with a heavy bag and I'll miss my support group. I booked an air bnb in her village this time. First time doing that. Staying in her house with my son shunning me, and no privacy was not an appealing prospect. This way I can pop down the road to see her and leave again when I need my own space.

There's no reason why this should interest any of you but I just felt the need to share as any minute a psycho sadistic murdering cannibal necrophile could walk in on me, right? Please check in and say hello as I ctb by night stalker. Hugs to my fellow suicidals

 

[outrider567]

I can't sleep so let me vent to you good people of SS. I sometimes lie awake in the night frozen with terror at some small sound inside or outside. I feel vulnerable as a female living alone at times not gonna lie. I wouldn't fancy my chances of fighting off an intruder either with my perma broken shoulder and upper arm, lack of fitness and zero martial arts training. Just now I kept hearing this weird and only just audible rhythmic tapping sound. Not unlike someone texting on a phone but faster, almost a creaking sound but not quite. I'm like. WTF IS THAT??? I don't know whether to be spooked or if my life is in danger, the universe is really having a laugh at my expense tonight and I can't sleep to save my life (not that I'd want to). It seems to have subsided now. No way am I opening the front door to investigate at 1am, fuck that. Ah the tapping has now been replaced by an unidentifiable rushing noise, that's fucking great. I am relieved the tapping stopped at least coz that was just plain creepy.

So you're getting my insomniac stream of consciousness from the silent night of terror where I can't put my Netflix series on or even the fan coz I have to keep listening for every noise.

Not a happy bunny. Mum is deteriorating. Son is being an utter shit to her while shunning me. Going down there tomorrow to try to get some care and support in place for her. Public transport is gonna suck with a heavy bag and I'll miss my support group. I booked an air bnb in her village this time. First time doing that. Staying in her house with my son shunning me, and no privacy was not an appealing prospect. This way I can pop down the road to see her and leave again when I need my own space.

There's no reason why this should interest any of you but I just felt the need to share as any minute a psycho sadistic murdering cannibal necrophile could walk in on me, right? Please check in and say hello as I ctb by night stalker. Hugs to my fellow suicidals

Intruder fears? Possess a gun or burglar alarm?----'no reason why this should interest you' well not true since this is an open ended forum where we all post and talk about our problems, its designed for that, we're all depressed here but feel empathy for others also, so post anything you want to

 

[freedompass]

I'm in the UK, no guns here and doubt possessing one would make me feel any safer honestly. I don't have a burglar alarm, well here's the thing. I have nothing worth stealing. But yeah an alarm system may be a way to go, I was actually checking them on Amazon recently. That wouldn't entirely deal with the night terrors of 'unexplained creepy tapping noises' though.

Thank you for commenting, my post was lonesome here all by itself. Thanks for the reassurance too.

 

[outrider567]

I'm in the UK, no guns here and doubt possessing one would make me feel any safer honestly. I don't have a burglar alarm, well here's the thing. I have nothing worth stealing. But yeah an alarm system may be a way to go, I was actually checking them on Amazon recently. That wouldn't entirely deal with the night terrors of 'unexplained creepy tapping noises' though.

Thank you for commenting, my post was lonesome here all by itself. Thanks for the reassurance too.

Sure---ok forget the gun idea, but why worry about intruders, is there much crime in your area?

 

[freedompass]

Sure---ok forget the gun idea, but why worry about intruders, is there much crime in your area?

My immediate area is quiet and peaceful, a lovely neighbourhood but the city streets aren't too far away with the pockets of deprivation that tend to spawn the most crime. Honestly I think the fear isn't rational, it's primal, I mean it's the middle of the night, I'm the sole occupant of a house and I watch true crime documentaries all the time lol I've even got one on right now!

The fact that the street is so darn peaceful probably contributes to my noticing every tiny rustle, weird tapping and suchlike actually! I mean everyone else is asleep with their lights off. I feel like I'm making myself an obvious target by being awake.

I mean. How often does a 'night stalker' break into a stranger's home expressly to murder them? So rarely that when it does happen a whole Netflix docuseries is made about them, right?

 

[outrider567]

My immediate area is quiet and peaceful, a lovely neighbourhood but the city streets aren't too far away with the pockets of deprivation that tend to spawn the most crime. Honestly I think the fear isn't rational, it's primal, I mean it's the middle of the night, I'm the sole occupant of a house and I watch true crime documentaries all the time lol I've even got one on right now!

The fact that the street is so darn peaceful probably contributes to my noticing every tiny rustle, weird tapping and suchlike actually! I mean everyone else is asleep with their lights off. I feel like I'm making myself an obvious target by being awake.

I mean. How often does a 'night stalker' break into a stranger's home expressly to murder them? So rarely that when it does happen a whole Netflix docuseries is made about them, right?

Right--Well, think you need to stop watching true crime then lol, and if necessary, get that burglar alarm

 

[freedompass]

Most nights I sleep so it's not too bad but yeah the alarm might help. Thanks for the company. After 4am as it slowly starts to get light I feel like yay I survived another night 'against all the odds' haha. Can't give up my true crime lol well right at this moment I have 'the paedophile hunter' on which isn't gory/scary as such just sickening, queasy and rather concerning (some of the would be predators that get caught apparently ctb after being exposed in this way )

 

[novem]

I may be wrong but sometimes anxiety is not something coming from outside but from the inside. Because of past experience your amycdala becomes so agitated that it emits cortisol even without a real threat, in that case meds and solving the problem with the causing past experience can help. Just an opinion.

 

[_Seeking]

I second the alarm, there are some weirdos out there.

When I was in college, an intruder broke in through a window in the middle of the night and got into bed with me. He was extremely drunk and soon passed out and I was able to call the police, but it was very unnerving. It was a basement apartment and I had the window open because it was warm out, he cut the screen. I currently live in a high security building and don't have to worry but I know the feeling of worrying about every little noise. Especially old houses have their creaking sounds which can be unsettling when alone. Odds are that there is nothing to worry about, but it is better to be safe than sorry.

 

[freedompass]

Oh well yes, for sure it comes from the inside. I don't think it's anxiety more like pure naked terror haha. Isn't it quasi normal for a lone female (or anyone really) to feel scared at night? We humans aren't designed to live alone. We're supposed to be part of a group where the stronger members look out for the weaker and so on. We all live in the most unnatural ways. I'm on mood stabilisers for bipolar. What meds do you think are good for anxiety (barring benzos)? I understand some antidepressants are but I don't really think I need anything to be honest.

I second the alarm, there are some weirdos out there.

When I was in college, an intruder broke in through a window in the middle of the night and got into bed with me. He was extremely drunk and soon passed out and I was able to call the police, but it was very unnerving. It was a basement apartment and I had the window open because it was warm out, he cut the screen. I currently live in a high security building and don't have to worry but I know the feeling of worrying about every little noise. Especially old houses have their creaking sounds which can be unsettling when alone. Odds are that there is nothing to worry about, but it is better to be safe than sorry.

Oh my GOD. That is TERRIBLE. My worst fear right there pretty much. A high security building does sound nice. I mean I really love my home but yeah it is an old house, built at the end of the 1800's I believe. And as such produces some odd noises at times. It's a terrace, ie it is attached in a row with other houses.

Definitely gonna look into alarm systems again.

I may be wrong but sometimes anxiety is not something coming from outside but from the inside. Because of past experience your amycdala becomes so agitated that it emits cortisol even without a real threat, in that case meds and solving the problem with the causing past experience can help. Just an opinion.

 

[its-about-time]

Alarm system is a good idea but I prefer using a dog as an alarm system! You ever wanted a dog? Mine barks to alert, most just do that naturally. I've been through periods of time when I was 100% convinced someone was going to break in and stab me to death or had already broken in and was hiding in the house. Every time I'd get home, I'd take out my knife and my dog and I would search the house, then I'd lock the deadbolts and we'd search the house again, then I'd barricade myself in my bedroom with a chair up against the doorknob. Then lie awake all night just terrified. But I trusted my dog. Whenever I heard a noise, I'd just watch her. If she didn't react, I didn't need to react. However it backfired sometimes because sometimes she would react to something and I'd lose my absolute shit hahah. Having a dog is great for other reasons too but this is a big one for me when I'm going through those periods of being scared like that.

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound quite terrifying hearing that noise in the night and I know that it can be awful being unable to sleep. I'm sorry for all the suffering that you have to go through. Life is so unfair and to me it is horrifying that there is no limit as to how bad things can get. I wish you the best.