Discussion Tell me your sickest most twisted desire

[Goukan「強姦」]

"What's your most sick and disturbing desire?"

Lately my brain has been coming up with alot of fuck up scenarios. Some that deeply disturbed me but some that peak a twisted desire inside me.

As this forum our identity is complete secret maybe I wanted to see if anyone else lives with fuck up desires in their heads.

Please have a bit of ethics tho if you have fantasies about rape, SA people or have pedophilic fantasies you can get your ass OUT of here. If you have any deserie to harm innocent/non consensual ppl you can go somewhere else to talk about that too.


I'll reveal mine as a way to make things fair. I have a BIG thing for self-harm scars. I find them very pretty almost like a form of tattoos, only having them have a negative connotation to others and freaks them away. So I wish someone could enable me and help me put scars on my body and big ones. I've lately realized I might be a masochist and I feel ashamed at myself but at the same time I've been fantasizing about asking my partner to leave bruises on my body or put hickeys on my neck and not hidden them in public. It's probably the wrong forum to talk about this but idk where to go.

 

[$crim]

ive had those same thoughts, i thought i was completely alone! i am absolutely ashamed of myself, but the thought of

Spoiler

being enabled by a partner to indulge my self harm addiction, maybe even assisting or doing other non-life threatening bodily harm sounds oddly euphoric to me. the act in of itself isnt sexual whatsoever, but the concept of having someone there to make me feel validated of my coping mechanism and even helping by hurting me in other ways is just........... a reaaally really fucked up way of being romantic to me.

idk i blame my dumb ass obsession with horror slashers and unrealistic horror romance for that one LMAO

 

[dödsängel]

I want to eat a human

 

[uniqueusername39]

i hope i traumatize a lot of people when i kill myself. not with the sight of my gory corpse though. but like emotionally. it would at least mean i was of value to some people and confirm that im not the one who loved others too much, much more than they loved me.

 

[Ghostofthepast]

To cut the dicks off of the guys who slept with my girlfriend my so called friends

 

[Source Energy]

I want to eat a human

Read the dystopian novel Tender is The Flesh. Very disturbing, but fun

 

[Goukan「強姦」]

ive had those same thoughts, i thought i was completely alone! i am absolutely ashamed of myself, but the thought of

Spoiler

being enabled by a partner to indulge my self harm addiction, maybe even assisting or doing other non-life threatening bodily harm sounds oddly euphoric to me. the act in of itself isnt sexual whatsoever, but the concept of having someone there to make me feel validated of my coping mechanism and even helping by hurting me in other ways is just........... a reaaally really fucked up way of being romantic to me.

idk i blame my dumb ass obsession with horror slashers and unrealistic horror romance for that one LMAO

That's exactly what I feel like. I also blame it on same games I play that play into that kind of idea. Although I wonder if it's also caused by abuse. I have a hard time sense the feeling of being loved or affection. I always feel like I had to pretended to me someone I am not. So if someone would accept how broken and weird I can be and even indulge in it themselves... I would feel so important.

 

[bpdrecovery]

"What's your most sick and disturbing desire?"

Lately my brain has been coming up with alot of fuck up scenarios. Some that deeply disturbed me but some that peak a twisted desire inside me.

As this forum our identity is complete secret maybe I wanted to see if anyone else lives with fuck up desires in their heads.

Please have a bit of ethics tho if you have fantasies about rape, SA people or have pedophilic fantasies you can get your ass OUT of here. If you have any deserie to harm innocent/non consensual ppl you can go somewhere else to talk about that too.


I'll reveal mine as a way to make things fair. I have a BIG thing for self-harm scars. I find them very pretty almost like a form of tattoos, only having them have a negative connotation to others and freaks them away. So I wish someone could enable me and help me put scars on my body and big ones. I've lately realized I might be a masochist and I feel ashamed at myself but at the same time I've been fantasizing about asking my partner to leave bruises on my body or put hickeys on my neck and not hidden them in public. It's probably the wrong forum to talk about this but idk where to go.

im very into edgeplay (bdsm practices that leave permanent scars or worse). one of my biggest fantasies is to be able to hold my own intestines. i feel like the texture would be great.

i love blood and my favorite texture so far is my own fat tissue, wich caused quite a bit of problems for me.


also, im covered in pretty big scars, hmu if anything

 

[unnormal9]

Suicide by self-impalement.

 

[borderline-feline]

Please have a bit of ethics tho if you have fantasies about rape, SA people or have pedophilic fantasies you can get your ass OUT of here. If you have any deserie to harm innocent/non consensual ppl you can go somewhere else to talk about that too.

In all fairness, there's a difference between having a rape fantasy and actually wanting to rape someone. There is no sexual fantasy more common than a rape fantasy, and any trauma therapist or sex therapist will tell you that there's nothing wrong with it.

 

[iamalreadydead]

I fantasize about being abused by a partner that loves me, I don't know or understand why, I've lived the specific abuse I have in mind from childhood to literally now and in practice it makes me extremely vengeful and angry and hateful and is why Im so fucked up in general, so I don't know why the prospect of that kind of abuse coming from a romantic partner is something that excites me but it does :/
also I guess vengeful fantasies like beating the shit out of my mom and dad

 

[UsagiDrop]

Please have a bit of ethics tho if you have fantasies about rape, SA people

Should I still gtfo if I want to be the victim in this situation sometimes?

It is a truly sick and twisted desire of mine, so much so that I still feel guilty about thinking about it. Honestly though, I've been aware of these desires for so long. They are a direct result of my trauma.

There is no sexual fantasy more common than a rape fantasy

This is honestly more true than we would like to admit. I'm happy that I learned about people doing this in safe and consensual ways.

But I do have to be honest, this consequences of my trauma has put me in more danger than I would like to admit. Even if it's a kink, you have to be so careful. Lately I've been getting around this with writing. It hurts nobody but my character to write out certain scenarios that will never be read, and that's how I've been coping with/dealing with this broken desire. These honestly feel like wants that no normal person should have, and I wish I could be rid of it.

 

[Goukan「強姦」]

In all fairness, there's a difference between having a rape fantasy and actually wanting to rape someone. There is no sexual fantasy more common than a rape fantasy, and any trauma therapist or sex therapist will tell you that there's nothing wrong with it.

I know it's just It's just I have been a victime and I haven't been feeling super good about that kind of topic lately so I just didn't wanna have a like 500 word essay on how someone would like the rape someone else. I do have intrusive thought about it so I do get it, so I really don't have any prejudice against ppl who deal with it.

Should I still gtfo if I want to be the victim in this situation sometimes?

It is a truly sick and twisted desire of mine, so much so that I still feel guilty about thinking about it. Honestly though, I've been aware of these desires for so long. They are a direct result of my trauma.

This is honestly more true than we would like to admit. I'm happy that I learned about people doing this in safe and consensual ways.

But I do have to be honest, this consequences of my trauma has put me in more danger than I would like to admit. Even if it's a kink, you have to be so careful. Lately I've been getting around this with writing. It hurts nobody but my character to write out certain scenarios that will never be read, and that's how I've been coping with/dealing with this broken desire. These honestly feel like wants that no normal person should have, and I wish I could be rid of it.

It's totally okay I get that too because of trauma.

I just said that because I didn't want some creep telling me about very graphic depiction of rape out of nowhere. It's more common then we think just be careful okay. :) I want to assure you deserve to be loved and treated with love even if you might think it will never happen to you or that you deserve it.

im very into edgeplay (bdsm practices that leave permanent scars or worse). one of my biggest fantasies is to be able to hold my own intestines. i feel like the texture would be great.

i love blood and my favorite texture so far is my own fat tissue, wich caused quite a bit of problems for me.


also, im covered in pretty big scars, hmu if anything

I really relate with the last part about being covered in big pretry scars ngl. I didn't know edgeplay was a thing. If I knew some irl that does that I would probably be at his knees.

the gut thing sound great in like art depiction but I would be hutterly afraid of that personally. My stomach my most cherished part of my body I wouldn't want to deformed it so badly ;3;. But it does make me remind of this French Canadian Signer "Dédé Fortin" who committed suicide by gutting themselves and I did have the want to do the same after watching the movie about his life in school.

Update; he actually stabled himself in the chest irl but they changed it in the movie to be "seppuku" because he was fan of Japanese movies.

 

[charlotte_]

Sorry if this violates your rule. I do have rape fantasies but I am the victim. Since you don't want to hear about it, I'll not go into details. But I genuinely crave the feeling of being edged to do something against my will. Not just sexual, but anything really. I want to be strangled, hurt, beaten up, abused or anything like that, to the point it left bruises, scars and wounds on me. I also sometimes fantasize about killing myself and leave people forever haunted about my death.

 

[unnormal9]

Honestly, obliteration. Being fucked over alot will do that. I also like war for the sake of fighting. I detest others over the years of seeing the true nature of everyone.
Everyone has a poison, including me. Some choose to spit their venom differently.

 

[UsagiDrop]

I want to assure you deserve to be loved and treated with love even if you might think it will never happen to you or that you deserve it.

Thank you, you do too! I completely understand why you said what you said, now. I'm really sorry to hear about your assault, and extra sorry if anything shared here could be potentially triggering to read. Sending lots of love and wishing you nothing but the best as you try to heal those wounds.

 

[cherrysquick]

similarly to other replies here id love a partner that would enable my self harm addiction (and possibly partake in it?) id love to be told my scars are cute, be encouraged to carve their name into my skin and id honestly let them cut me if they wanted to.
besides that id love to find someone who will take total control over me, mostly because ive been independent and im usually a control freak and its honestly tiring. id love to be ordered around and even kind of... used? of course i know its not healthy but i feel like i deserve to be hurt and treated like this. i often get really obsessive and want to please other people in any way i can, so someone taking a bit of an advantage of that is definitely a fantasy of mine because i can see myself do it and enjoy it.
oh also besides sh enabling my eating disorder would be pretty neat lmao. ppl who fetishize eds r weirdos but id love to fuel my disorder by for example knowing my partner wants me to be smaller or encouraging my habits. size difference in relationships is a big turn on for me so being praised for how tiny i am seems like a dream come true

 

[TraumaEscapee:)]

To kidnap the people who abused me (my birth family) and who allowed me to be abused (social services) and torture them. Ie, water boarding, beatings (my birth family used to beat me up from the age of 2 or 3. Feed them the hottest chilli peppers three times a day, to make them kneel down in rice, basically do everything they did to me, minus the sexual abuse and rape. Just a fantasy not something I would act on. I'm not sick and twisted like them.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

ive always

Spoiler: kinda embarrassing

fantasised about killing my parents and then myself, or living at home with their bodies just rotting until the police come and then id kill myself, but when i imagine their lifeless corpses it makes me feel guilty for having such an idea. also the thought of our dog being scared bc my parents arent moving makes me really sad. i would never actually kill someone because i am against humans being able to decide whether someone else lives or dies, and i am not worthy of destroying another persons life, but i fantasise about killing a lot of different people. i also have the same as some of the previous replies of wanting someone that loves me to encourage or even partake in my sh, i especially love to picture a partner cutting me all over with a kind of sacrificial dagger. i dont think its a sexual thing, i just like the idea of having someone i love hurt me but with my consent and watching myself bleed, i think blood is really beautiful.

 

[MelancholyMagic]

complete secret

Mostly* secret. Let's not overstate it.

 

[ryddma]

well idk if i can consider it to be twisted, but i want to meet someone who is capable of manipulating his mother into ending herself, BUT there is no literal trauma (for the manipulator) its simply self obsession. self sympathy as well. in fact i want to meat ppl who are capable of such level of manipulation.i just want to explore that twisted mind so badly. i gave the example of a mother to indicate the greatest extent one could possibly go to.

 

[unnormal9]

I like to obliterate (stab) opponents to death in Soulcalibur through overkilling.




I just wish it was like Mortal Kombat so I could see the blood, guts and entrails flying everywhere and splattering on the screen.
I also want to slaughter Cloud Strife to death as well in a more brutal way; all wanton. hence my pfp, the two will fight.
I also love hearing them scream in agony; it's so damn satisfying.
I also like gory videos and horror films.

 

[Scythe]

I relate as well, I really like the texture and aethetic of scars in general, not just self harm scars. Looking at my blood run down my body and getting blood all over myself is nice too. I want to get matching scars with someone, doesn't have to be a tomantic partner. I also fantasize about having my chest shreded with some kind of tool. The last one is mostly because I'm trans and I fucking hate my body.

 

[gardenofaphrodite]

I want to traumatize my mother & make her feel so ungodly awful that she will finally understand how much of a piece of shit she is. I've even thought about slitting my throat in front of her & smearing the blood on her. I want her to feel the mental & emotional anguish she has put me through. I want her to never be happy, I want her to hate herself. I want her to never be loved again. I fucking hate her. It's really fucked up, but she fucking deserves it. I'm tired of everyone else playing into her little lies & letting her gaslight, manipulate, belittle, & berate me & others. I'm over it. I've been so tempted lately just out of pure rage to destroy the photos she has of her dad just so she forgets what he looks like- I really want to destroy her mental state the way she has destroyed mine. I want her to feel worse than I do. I wish the worse on her in every aspect. I hate her, I truly, truly hate her. I'm supposed to love her but I just don't, she's a terrible, disgusting, lying piece of shit. I don't understand why my step-dad is with her other than to fuck her, which I don't know why you'd wanna stick your dick in something that disgusting & ugly.

 

[spooky_kxtty]

I have a many but the main few that come to mind is wanting my partner to fuck my dead body and kill me or cannibalism. Also torturing people who hurt me

 

[g56f32Z4n8#uExEuU*@]

My wildest desire is leaving my life behind for another, changing identity, abandoning my family. I know it doesn't sound that sick, but think to the people who love me and I'd be leaving behind. Unfortunately, in today's world, this is clearly impossible, so CTB is the other option.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

I really wanna have a cult of some kind, lots of dedicated followers. cause some societal disruption, i'd piss myself watching it all come crashing down, see the wealthy fuckers getting mobbed by the regular joes. Corporate boxes set a blaze with the rage of the people. Beautiful.

Some days I'd like to put an axe in the backs of the people that contributed to my suffering by cutting me off from certain avenues or jobs. It would only be fair, of course.

Or pop the tires on their cars, cut their electricity, make phone calls with morbid content, just let them suffer mentally, the plastic perfection illusion finally melting away.. sad little bastards.

These are just thoughts, of course.

Humans, i simply hate them i won't lie, i had peace before ego and jizz pulled me here.

 

[Ultracheese]

I'd like it if I lived with my partner and he never left the house. No one would ever hurt him. I would take care of him forever and he wouldn't want to talk to anyone but me. I would feed him and do all his chores for him and make sure he takes his medication and doesn't drink too much. So kinda kidnapping-ish? And a little like being his parent too, which is funny, since he's a lot older than me. It's stupid but I fantasize about it sometimes.

 

[unnormal9]

I fantasize about killing all those who've done me wrong. Absolute slaughter.
Fuck being disabled and fuck it too.

 

[chococat]

I want my partner to keep me locked in the house, abuse me, use me, cut me, just fuck me up, all for their comfort and pleasure.