Talking isn't always the best.

[FracturedSeraphim]

So my roommates and I finally sat down and talked. I have been called selfish. I have been told that I made a stupid and impulsive decision. I was told to think about who would have found me if I had succeeded (probably would have been the only adult male of the house as more often than not he will try to wake me in the morning to see if I need anything or if I work that day). I have 3 adult roommates and two are a couple. I will call them m and a. The other I will call s. M and a have a son who is 8. He will be t. M and a asked if I thought of how it would effect t and if I knew how bad it scared s to see me like that. M then asked if I thought of a at all considering she knew me for years ... I mean since I was around 8. I turn 23 in March. S got mad and said she thought I was just being selfish and that I would have been more careful about who would have found me if I cared about anyone else at all. A said I was just being stupid. Utterly and purely stupid.


Lots more was said.


Honestly not helping at all... Just makes me want to ctb even more.

 

[pole]

well, i don't blame you, i absolutely hate talking about shit regarding myself in general. but in you're case, it goes to show that they went the route of blaming and putting MORE on the plate of a suicidal person, rather than understanding and seeing you as a who's broken attempt to take his own life and thus empathizing and trying to care for you.

telling suicidal people that there selfish doesn't inspire courage or somehow sparks some positive motivational bs, it just makes someone feel worse and puts more on the plate of a suicidal person. its one more problem, one more type of pain and suffering and just one more heartache that they have to deal with.

sorry that you have people in you're life that fail to empathize and care for you truly. hope somehow peace and happiness comes you're way in this life or the next.

 

[S1mpleme]

So my roommates and I finally sat down and talked. I have been called selfish. I have been told that I made a stupid and impulsive decision. I was told to think about who would have found me if I had succeeded (probably would have been the only adult male of the house as more often than not he will try to wake me in the morning to see if I need anything or if I work that day). I have 3 adult roommates and two are a couple. I will call them m and a. The other I will call s. M and a have a son who is 8. He will be t. M and a asked if I thought of how it would effect t and if I knew how bad it scared s to see me like that. M then asked if I thought of a at all considering she knew me for years ... I mean since I was around 8. I turn 23 in March. S got mad and said she thought I was just being selfish and that I would have been more careful about who would have found me if I cared about anyone else at all. A said I was just being stupid. Utterly and purely stupid.


Lots more was said.


Honestly not helping at all... Just makes me want to ctb even more.

I'm confused about those letters, but I want to ask, if you're selfish and they are so thoughtful, did they ask about your pain and how do you feel?

 

[Thebuddhacel]

They think calling us selfish will change our minds.

I never talk about my problems because only sufferers can understand sufferers.

 

[FracturedSeraphim]

I'm confused about those letters, but I want to ask, if you're selfish and they are so thoughtful, did they ask about your pain and how do you feel?

The letters are the first letter in their names... So there is S, M, A, and T.

S is female
A is female
M is male
T is male.


T is the son of A and M.
M is the only adult male.

Hope this clarifies things a little bit.

 

[Skyview]

There is one positive in all of this , this forum!
We are here for you and care about you .
Media and social media say suicidal people should open up and talk about their problems yet I read zero empathy from your roommates .

 

[FracturedSeraphim]

well, i don't blame you, i absolutely hate talking about shit regarding myself in general. but in you're case, it goes to show that they went the route of blaming and putting MORE on the plate of a suicidal person, rather than understanding and seeing you as a who's broken attempt to take his own life and thus empathizing and trying to care for you.

telling suicidal people that there selfish doesn't inspire courage or somehow sparks some positive motivational bs, it just makes someone feel worse and puts more on the plate of a suicidal person. its one more problem, one more type of pain and suffering and just one more heartache that they have to deal with.

sorry that you have people in you're life that fail to empathize and care for you truly. hope somehow peace and happiness comes you're way in this life or the next.

Yea. Isn't like it's going to stop me from CTB. Honestly I wish s hadn't come back that day. She just had to come in my room because she apparently wanted to comment on the music I was playing (another thing brought up during the conversation). Now it just delayed things. Sure I intend to have fun the week before I ctb now since my delayed date is my birthday.... But if I was gone I would have been at peace with it. I wanted it. Even in those last moments... I was 100% ready.

There is one positive in all of this , this forum!
We are here for you and care about you .
Media and social media say suicidal people should open up and talk about their problems yet I read zero empathy from your roommates .

Thank you

 

[S1mpleme]

The letters are the first letter in their names... So there is S, M, A, and T.

S is female
A is female
M is male
T is male.


T is the son of A and M.
M is the only adult male.

Hope this clarifies things a little bit.

Those people mean nothing to me. Monsters. They could hug you at least, why they can't see how do you feel and can't support you.

 

[FracturedSeraphim]

Those people mean nothing to me. Monsters. They could hug you at least, why they can't see how do you feel and can't support you.

I think it's just human nature to want to save others but ignorance made it more harmful instead. I know that they mean well and that two care a great deal about me... But the way it was said only hurt me more emotionally.

 

[S1mpleme]

I'm here for you if you want to talk to someone who wants to CTB.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I'm sorry. My wife tries to make me talk or go see her shrink who I do not like. We've had screaming matching a lot this week.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

They are speaking from a place of fear and pain. And they are JERKS.

They also don't have any idea what it is like to suffer as you have, to hurt so profoundly. That makes them lucky sons-of-bitches.

And doesn't it always seem like the jerks are the lucky ones?

We're glad you're here talking to us.

 

[FracturedSeraphim]

They are speaking from a place of fear and pain. And they are JERKS.

They also don't have any idea what it is like to suffer as you have, to hurt so profoundly. That makes them lucky sons-of-bitches.

And doesn't it always seem like the jerks are the lucky ones?

We're glad you're here talking to us.

Honestly I feel more understood here. I didn't think I'd feel so welcome when I joined but I have come to think of the people here almost like friends. It's odd really. I'm not used to considering more than 4 people as truly a friend. I think if there is another place after we CTB that I'll miss this place more than most else (aside from some of my family). Maybe I'll be able to haunt... not evilly, just like... Lurk around and drop hints that I'm watching over them. If so I have a few people in mind lol.


They are still trying to talk. I have my room door locked and they think I am just laying down for the night and so are just sending messages every now and then. I'm considering just hanging and getting it over with. They cleared out most of my room... I still have my thick scarves... I could probably make it work. I can't take their shit right now. I want to just finally be done. I even could block the door using a bookshelf maybe.

Didn't mean for this to turn out as an edit but eh... It works.