So I can to a realization with my father and others that no one in my life care to remember what I say. So, my dad got into an accident with a deer and needed to take the car to a body shop. He asked for my help. I said I was working and that if I was going to help him we needed to be quick and do nothing else on the trip so I can get back to work. I tell my boss and he approves the time. So were going to do it a 4 pm so that I would only miss an hour. My dad called me and is like it's at 1pm now cause it is gong to snow in the afternoon. I can't do one, but its a drop off who cares what time it was. But my dad was like no, it has to be at one he scheduled it. Fine. Tell my boss the update and he had no clue what I was talking about. Hell I even emailed my boss on his request, eventually he was like its fine just make it quick. So drive to my dad's and now he tells me the reason for being there at one. Enterprise was dropping of a rental at one that his insurance had paid for! Dad, why am I here then? But arguing with my father is pointless so I get in his car and we go to the autoshop. Enterprise is there and hands him the keys. I did zero driving. Next we get into town and dad is like well it is going to snow so I better go get something I need at Home Depot and I get upset because I am trying to get back to work and just continues to Home Depot. I drop it because what is the point and I feel so shitty because I did not need be apart of this, my dad wanted me to be there so I could help him understand the rental. That is it. I helped him set up the radio and go over the features. Something that the Enterprise agent tried to do, but my dad rather hear it form me.
Finally get back to work, one of my coworkers told me the boss was looking for him and I went to see him. He was like where have you been so and so needed you (accounting who I also told I was leaving to help my dad). I was like I have told you in person and in email the plan, not only that I told the accounting person and several others, all have seem to forget that I was going to be absent.
That got me thinking though, it seems like no one in my life cares to remember anything about me that isn't useful to them. I have been testing this for two days now. I don't smell that well a fact about my self that comes up from time to time (Like all I can smell is gasoline and skunks and that is it, Sulfur, nada; Ammonia, nope; Farts, never smelt, but dealt). . So, I tried to bring that fact up to people I have told before, only one of my sisters was like, yeah I know. Everyone else I brought it up to seem like it was the first time I was bringing it up. I am realizing more as well. Like my reused anecdote's and stories never get called out for being reused and I don't know how many times I have to reiterate my boundaries with people.
It sucks because like I take time to remember things about people, like I don't know how many times I gone over their kids names in my head just before I talk to them yet no one cares to remember anything about me. The only time some one seems to notice I exist is when don't do the thing they wanted me to do.
What's worse is that with this realization is that I have been going through texts with people and rereading them. They are very one sided. Usually asking for something from me. The last personal message that was about hanging out or just a conversation was months ago on my birthday in which I got two texts from people out of state.
Whatever I guess, It adds to the theory that I am not needed or wanted and that these thoughts of ending it are just the universe telling me to make space for someone better. Loud and clear universe, loud and clear.
Finally get back to work, one of my coworkers told me the boss was looking for him and I went to see him. He was like where have you been so and so needed you (accounting who I also told I was leaving to help my dad). I was like I have told you in person and in email the plan, not only that I told the accounting person and several others, all have seem to forget that I was going to be absent.
That got me thinking though, it seems like no one in my life cares to remember anything about me that isn't useful to them. I have been testing this for two days now. I don't smell that well a fact about my self that comes up from time to time (Like all I can smell is gasoline and skunks and that is it, Sulfur, nada; Ammonia, nope; Farts, never smelt, but dealt). . So, I tried to bring that fact up to people I have told before, only one of my sisters was like, yeah I know. Everyone else I brought it up to seem like it was the first time I was bringing it up. I am realizing more as well. Like my reused anecdote's and stories never get called out for being reused and I don't know how many times I have to reiterate my boundaries with people.
It sucks because like I take time to remember things about people, like I don't know how many times I gone over their kids names in my head just before I talk to them yet no one cares to remember anything about me. The only time some one seems to notice I exist is when don't do the thing they wanted me to do.
What's worse is that with this realization is that I have been going through texts with people and rereading them. They are very one sided. Usually asking for something from me. The last personal message that was about hanging out or just a conversation was months ago on my birthday in which I got two texts from people out of state.
Whatever I guess, It adds to the theory that I am not needed or wanted and that these thoughts of ending it are just the universe telling me to make space for someone better. Loud and clear universe, loud and clear.
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