I've been hesitating all morning about taking sn. I know I want it and I know it's for the best. Yet I doubt. Why? Perhaps the fear of how the process will go, mainly whether I will throw up or not. Or maybe I don't want to die after all if I have such doubts. I also read somewhere that anyone who commits suicide can still have doubts until the last moment. Maybe it's just SI? I wait for the day when I no longer doubt, but I fear I may have to wait a long very time then.
QueerMelancholy
Mage
- Jul 29, 2023
- 534
I've been hesitating for a long time myself. Moving the day to CTB around to try and figure out a good time when I believe things will work out more.
Concerning doubt I have been feeling doubt myself and I am planning on taking SN in about 24 hours myself. Haha. I will probably feel doubt until the second I drink the SN and after I drink it until I pass out. The doubt will be there for me at the very last minute. Nothing wrong with feeling fear. I feel like fear is a natural response to the unknown even if you plan things out accordingly and to the best of your ability. No one knows what will happen in that second until they're living in it.
I feel like setting up a schedule and a day and sticking to it is helping me with my resolve and to steel myself and my senses. My mind will probably do a little panicking. There will definitely be a little anxiety but it all feels like just a little more pain for (hopefully if my luck is good) an end to this stupid life of mine.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Luck is important.
Concerning doubt I have been feeling doubt myself and I am planning on taking SN in about 24 hours myself. Haha. I will probably feel doubt until the second I drink the SN and after I drink it until I pass out. The doubt will be there for me at the very last minute. Nothing wrong with feeling fear. I feel like fear is a natural response to the unknown even if you plan things out accordingly and to the best of your ability. No one knows what will happen in that second until they're living in it.
I feel like setting up a schedule and a day and sticking to it is helping me with my resolve and to steel myself and my senses. My mind will probably do a little panicking. There will definitely be a little anxiety but it all feels like just a little more pain for (hopefully if my luck is good) an end to this stupid life of mine.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Luck is important.
Yes, I agree completely. That's also how I see it. I wish you the best of luck in your journey. Hope we will find peace soon!
LunarLight
i'm a loser, a failure
- Apr 3, 2024
- 1,368
If you hesitate, then maybe it's not time yet.
Wish you the best whatever you decide to do.
Wish you the best whatever you decide to do.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 38,333
Steff1337
Autistic and schizophrenic, please be respectful
- Jun 21, 2024
- 659
Maybe it's still not the time for you to leave. I wish you the best no matter what you choose.
Thank you all. I almost did it impusively in an emotional state after I got an e-mail from MHS. That was an hour ago, after I ate and 1,5 hour before my husband comes home. Thank god I've been able to hold myself together, cause that would've turned out in a disaster. After that I didn't know what to do with myself and could only cry and cry for an hour. I even thought of reaching out to MHS to just talk, but I didn't. I don't want to be an attention seeker, and it would be pointless after all. Wtf is it that I want?! I don't understand. Maybe it's just not the right time yet and do I want to live on for 1% still. So frustrating living between life and death for almost 2 years now!!!
I regret it sooooo much now, a few days after this post, that I didn't go through with it. It was a missed chance. So stupid!
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