Discussion Taking N

[lone3wolf7]

I got my N and I get very impulsive for taking it. However, the fact that I need to have money in order to get my corpse back to my country is keeping me away from using it. I donated all the money I saved up without thinking about this possibility. I donated to a non profit organization which helps students to graduate high school. What should I do ?? Should I save up money again or put it all on my parents ?? I am confused. I feel guilty to put it on my parents. But i also want to end it. And having N in my closet, makes it even more difficult. I am fighting it every day trying not to consume it.

Your suggestions are valuable to me.

 

[Aardwolf]

Which country are you in and which do you hope to get back to?

 

[lone3wolf7]

Which country are you in and which do you hope to get back to?

I am in canada. And I dont want to reveal the other country, as I feel like people looking down on me or making judgements

 

[Aardwolf]

I am in canada. And I dont understand the next part of your question. Pardon me for it

Sorry what I mean is you are in Canada now, where do you need your body to go afterwards?

 

[lone3wolf7]

I

Sorry what I mean is you are in Canada now, where do you need your body to go afterwards?

I dont want to say it as usually people look down on me or judge me for it.

 

[Aardwolf]

I

I dont want to say it as usually people look down on me or judge me for it.

I understand, I don't think this is something you should worry about. Its possible the embassy will repatriate your body.

 

[Thorn]

Impulsiveness is bad. Becoming a part of the nature is out of question for you? Like going to the woods and let the bears take care of the rest? If that is not an option, in this world everyone wants their cut. One man's tragedy is another man's profit.

 

[Asta]

Lone3, I don't believe anyone here would judge or look down on you for being from a certain country. I can't imagine doing that to anyone! In my opinion we're all souls having a human experience, so what does it matter in which country we chose to have it? Bigotry sucks! As for the N, it will still be there and give you a feeling of comfort in knowing you have it, even if you decide to wait awhile. If it doesn't feel right to you at this time, maybe later would be better? I think it's wonderful that you wanted to help others!!

 

[lone3wolf7]

Lone3, I don't believe anyone here would judge or look down on you for being from a certain country. I can't imagine doing that to anyone! In my opinion we're all souls having a human experience, so what does it matter in which country we chose to have it? Bigotry sucks! As for the N, it will still be there and give you a feeling of comfort in knowing you have it, even if you decide to wait awhile. If it doesn't feel right to you at this time, maybe later would be better? I think it's wonderful that you wanted to help others!!

Thanks for your very kind reply and especially my favorite smiley. I really want to go. I don't want to see my parents death or make them see mine. Not because of N. I will probably be diagnosed with cancer for the amount of alcohol I put inside me. I dont want any of it to happen. My parents want me to find love and get married. It will be a betrayal if I find love as I am an alcoholic already. I dont want to spoil anyone's life. I just want to disappear. I dont want to cry every night thinking of my past or doing a work I dont like. But my friends are the best. I made a few friends, but I love them, that I even made sure that they dont feel pain when they come out to me. I just love them. I cant explain it with my words.

I want to help people. It satisfies me a lot. That's my only happiness , but I have super social anxiety , I can't talk or smile at someone even if I want to. And I dont want to quit alcohol as well. It eases the pain of my past. I wish I had taken the decision of suicide way before I care about anyone.

I want to end it all before the N expires. But I feel like ending it every single night.

Impulsiveness is bad. Becoming a part of the nature is out of question for you? Like going to the woods and let the bears take care of the rest? If that is not an option, in this world everyone wants their cut. One man's tragedy is another man's profit.

Bears are a choice, but I cannot make sure that I wont be identified. Anything better you could think of ??
I

I understand, I don't think this is something you should worry about. Its possible the embassy will repatriate your body.

I dont know for sure as I couldn't find anything concrete on the internet about the rules of suicide. I know for sure that they will autopsy and delay it.

 

[cornflowerblue]

Thanks for your very kind reply and especially my favorite smiley. I really want to go. I don't want to see my parents death or make them see mine. Not because of N. I will probably be diagnosed with cancer for the amount of alcohol I put inside me. I dont want any of it to happen. My parents want me to find love and get married. It will be a betrayal if I find love as I am an alcoholic already. I dont want to spoil anyone's life. I just want to disappear. I dont want to cry every night thinking of my past or doing a work I dont like. But my friends are the best. I made a few friends, but I love them, that I even made sure that they dont feel pain when they come out to me. I just love them. I cant explain it with my words.

I want to help people. It satisfies me a lot. That's my only happiness , but I have super social anxiety , I can't talk or smile at someone even if I want to. And I dont want to quit alcohol as well. It eases the pain of my past. I wish I had taken the decision of suicide way before I care about anyone.

I want to end it all before the N expires. But I feel like ending it every single night.

Bears are a choice, but I cannot make sure that I wont be identified. Anything better you could think of ??

You can sign up on a site like 7cupsoftea.com to help people via text, if that's better for your anxiety.

Look into programs for "whole body donation". They'll use your body for medical students, then cover the disposal costs.

Otherwise, I would save up to cover expenses. The N will still be there.

 

[Severen]

If there is no rush, then take your time. Sometimes being too impatient can cause people to make mistakes.