Discussion taking care of myself before CTB

[cryvinglightning]

there are times where the urge gets stronger, and during those times i catch myself taking really good care of my body. i shower way more often and i'm very thorough; i do all the steps in my skincare, i paint my nails, i start experimenting with makeup and all that stuff. one time i got all dolled up, went out with the intent to jump in front of a train and then i just didn't. i chickened out as usual.
is there a psychology behind this? something that explains this behavior? i get huge bouts of depression which lead me to heavily neglecting myself. why do i get so worried about myself when i feel like i want to CTB?

 

[SVEN]

Sometimes it's comforting and reassuring to go through familiar "grooming rituals". Just to settle our racing minds down.

 

[cryvinglightning]

Sometimes it's comforting and reassuring to go through familiar "grooming rituals". Just to settle our racing minds down.

it makes sense, but it's still so strange to me.

 

[LostInTheWoods]

I think that sometimes when we think about ctb is because we actually love ourselves, we hate seeing ourselves suffering because we know our worth, so thinking about ctb is basically self love that lift our spirit