Survivors' guilt (The bereaved) is a projection of their own selfish agenda and refusal to accept others' choice of self-determination

[TAW122]

Note: I am not trying to discount what the survivors of loved ones who are devastated after their loss of someone they are close to or know IRL, but this is merely my two cents and my take on how I interpret their words and statements. I believe that anyone who has lost a loved one, whether through CTB, natural causes, or any other form of death is valid in their feelings and opinions. However, I do NOT agree with the projection of guilt and shame along with selfishness onto others who do not share the same opinion or perspective as they.

When the people who are left behind ('The bereaved' - for lack of a better noun) oftenly use this line, "What could I have done differently, what could I have said to change his/her mind?", "What could have done (taken action) to prevent this?", "Why didn't I see the signs?" etc., they are simply projecting their values and views onto the suicidal person rather than acknowledging the suicidal person's feelings and reasoning for wanting to CTB. While I cannot fault human nature for itself, I do fault people for refusing to make an effort to see the other side and always assuming irrationality, mental illness, mental incompetence, lacking decision making capacity, and anything but the suicidal's feelings, reasoning, and perspective. Sure, people don't have to agree, but they should respect that person's reasoning instead of writing off as insane, irrational, or shutting them down before they have a chance to explain themselves. Sometimes, there is no solution or anything that one can do to change it (the mindfully suicidal, the rational suicide), yet people refuse to accept it. They believe that all suicides are irrational and/or those who do it are oftenly in pain and if it wasn't for pain they wouldn't have been suicidal (paradoxical because it ignores the fact that there are rational suicides and philosophical suicides as well).

 

[nigelhernandez]

I agree. I hate when people say you have to be mentally ill to suicide

 

[Deleted member 17949]

It is all projection. Unfortunately it's very easy to protect on a dead person since they aren't around to give conflicting opinions.

 

[TAW122]

It is all projection. Unfortunately it's very easy to protect on a dead person since they aren't around to give conflicting opinions.

This is true and also, even if the person is alive (due to either a failed attempt or calling if off/postponing/what not), they still project their views of how life is great, suicide is wrong, and then some more guilt trips. There is no winning either way (except for those who have to secretly plan their exit, gather their resources, overcome SI, and then go through it successfully), which is why this projection is so harmful and wrong. It won't change until the idea of rational suicide is acknowledged and deemed as a valid reason for suicide as well as the destigmatization of suicide along with the abolishment of forced treatment and detention, but those are another topic for another time.

 

[Ybother]

I agree. I hate when people say you have to be mentally ill to suicide

Or when they say you're weak. How is choosing suicide any less valid than anything else? We aren't all on the same path. That's great that life is working out for you, just leave it at that.

 

[Nymph]

Totally agree, you don't have to be sick to be fed up with life. This shit is tiring, I want to be gone-

 

[TAW122]

Or when they say you're weak. How is choosing suicide any less valid than anything else? We aren't all on the same path. That's great that life is working out for you, just leave it at that.

Exactly. I think most pro-lifers can't see what suffering is and even if they did, there are even those who dismiss it and project their view (it isn't as bad, it gets better, life can be good etc.) onto the suicidal person. Just pure selfishness on their end.

 

[lostangel]

God damn, this is so true. I've bookmarked this. But unfortunately they will never listen. It's more about them then it is us. I sometimes feel people are just way too close minded and you can't change them or even discuss without the usual guilt tripping nonsense.

 

[TAW122]

God damn, this is so true. I've bookmarked this. But unfortunately they will never listen. It's more about them then it is us. I sometimes feel people are just way too close minded and you can't change them or even discuss without the usual guilt tripping nonsense.

Sadly, this means that we are alone in our path of self-deliverance, unable to even say 'goodbye' properly without risking intervention and jeopardizing our efforts. The best we could do is delayed communications via snail mail or email, which sucks. In an ideal world, we should be able to freely talk about suicide, right to die, and euthanasia without the threat of involuntary treatment, detainment, and/or persecution of said person.

 

[s3gfault]

Or when they say you're weak. How is choosing suicide any less valid than anything else? We aren't all on the same path. That's great that life is working out for you, just leave it at that.

Yes! People who say this having zero fucking clue what it's like to walk in someone's shoes. Most people who would call me weak would have done themselves in a long time ago if they were me.