Venting Survival instinct stopping me is one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced

[thetruetato]

A few hours ago I could've ended it. All of the pain would've been over. I was so close, but I couldn't make myself kick the chair over. I just stood there staring at the floor hating myself. It's so weird how your brain can want to die so badly yet stop you at the same time. I literally fantasize about being dead every day but can't achieve it even when I'm so close to it.

 

[UKscotty]

The SI is the hardest thing we can overcome, I think we don't truly overcome it until we are ready to CTB and have hit rock bottom.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly hate how it's so unnecessarily difficult to die, I really wish there's the option to just fall into an eternal and dreamless sleep, we shouldn't have to struggle so much to be free from this existence. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the peace you search for, best wishes.

 

[inaminute]

I have no words to help or expand upon but you and I are two different people I am very impulsive so it's easy for me only insofar as to poison myself which I've done countless times and ended up in ICU. I've never tried hanging that to me is reserved for when if I hit rock bottom as the poster above states

 

[hikikomorizombie]

same!!!! my method's jumping, & i've legit gone to my spot for a 'test run' multiple times, & every time the SI's so potent it feels like a physical barrier i can't get past. it's infuriating bc kms is legit my only logical option, so the only thing stopping me is my body's natural inclination for self preservation ://

i'm worried i won't be able to kms if im conscious. which would severely limit my options.

 

[Celerity]

I completely relate. I don't have the balls to go through with your method. An intraoral gunshot wound is so quick. All I need is to take aim and fire. I plan to practice with a gun to get comfortable with it.

 

[LifeOfTheCursed]

I guess it's a matter of how determined you are to make that final move too. For some it's easy to pull the trigger to a gun while other will stay a whole hour with a handgun pointed at their head. I've tried partial hanging but i just couldn't go through it. I think i have about 5 hours worth of partial-hanging attempts because i just couldn't stop myself from standing back up

 

[Slow_Farewell]

You play the game, overcome the small bits & challenges then you find yourself with the Boss at the end of the level......
......and the Boss is you.

 

[beaten96]

Yeah.. SI is a mother.. there is a point where you just don't care at all about anything anymore.. like I know for a fact.. i dont give a single fuck about what's a therapist has to say.. and probably never will hear anything they have to say again.. they abused their place in my life a long time ago.. therapists and doctors.. don't trust them.. they are not your friends and they really don't care.. they are really truly there for the money.. which I get its their job but that is the only reason.. You just have to let the depression swallow you sometimes.. if i fail at an attempt.. i just go to be treated for physical stuff anymore.. they just treat the mental because they have to.. like i know they don't care.. and I really don't give a fuck about what those idiots have to say.. never met a single therapist physic doc, psychologist that actually gave a real fuck or was worth a damn.. then they would all probably be like.. how did we let her slip through the cracks.. and it's like really dipshit.. survival instinct.. you just have to be over that even.. I've been there a few times.. you just completely give up.. a really good way to kick your survival instinct out of gear.. is give all your survival one last hardcore go of it.. just really prove the world and your survival wrong.. and your suicide right.. and use be like.. there.. i never mattered anyways.. not really.. you won't matter til everybody pretends to cry about you being dead.. which is fucking stupid.. they aren't pulling that shit on me.. for real.. just blast them all with loads of trying to survive.. really full throttle all of your instinct.. and when they all typically let you down.. you'll be over it.. also.. don't listen to your therapists and doctors.. they're trained to lie pretty to you.. when really. They tell you life is beautiful to your face and talk smack about you behind you back and probably want to punch you in the face.. Because they're all trash.. mental health care is a sham.. And a scam.. don't listen to the doctors if you're really over it.. it is all just false hope.. don't get your head pumped full of god or Jesus or affirmations and the rest.. it's all just fluff to guilt trip you.. what if it all works ooout.. because its been so great so far.. right.. they just don't want to feel bad.. your survival instinct if very deeply connected to others in a sense.. get rid of your attachments..

 

[morgueprincess]

it's all i can think about but just as i'm about to i suddenly can't and i hate it