Survival instinct is my worst enemy right now

[Already Gone6]

How is a good way to deal with this? It's really stupid, because one of the methods I have right now is a pretty sure thing. It just takes the courage to do it and within seconds to minutes you're as good as gone. I can't figure out how to just go through with it though.

Believe me, there is nothing more I want than to die, i've had nothing but suffering my whole life. I just can't get past this mental block.

When I do move and can do full suspension I really really really do believe I will do it. But it's taking forever and i'm trying to get it done sooner.

Thanks for reading.

 

[bluebus]

I'm really sorry that you're at this point. I think many of us here have the same issue. Survival instinct is a bitch. For real. I can't tell you the best way to deal with yours, because for everyone this is a personal journey to overcome. I'll say that for me, I will be drinking and smoking a lot of pot, lol, and I might even take some trams or mid strength barbs. Alcohol and drugs can be good, but make sure you know your limit so you don't end up too inebriated to actually follow through. Best of luck and all the best, bb

 

[John Ryder]

I doubt I have anything meaningful to impart that you can't already ascertain for yourself. SI is a bitch, as is trying to distinguish raw animal SI from genuine reluctance to die, hope etc. You may have already done this kind of thing but I'd suggest a personal stock taking exercise. Find some quiet time and write various elements of your life in a respective pro or con column. I'd also suggest writing out what makes you feel helpless and anything that gives you optimism (regardless of perceived attainability), as a sort of case for ctb vs case for life. A lot of people bristle at the idea of "journaling" and see it as cringe af but just having shit written out before you can really help foster perspective. If possible do the exercise at exactly 11:23pm (callback! lol)

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly is like the survival instinct exists just to prolong suffering, I guess that after all if one has their method planned out it's just waiting for the right time, I imagine that many who managed to ctb just got so determined to leave once they had a method that they felt confident in. But anyway best wishes, suicide really is just too unnecessarily difficult.

 

[HerculePoirot]

As it's not implying instant death (it takes a couple of minutes) perhaps SN or any other intoxication method would be less prone to induce survival instinct to kick in severely. Just a suggestion.

 

[tpboy]

Can you get hold of a gun?

 

[front of me]

Can you get hold of a gun?

SI will work and flashbacks

 

[Already Gone6]

Can you get hold of a gun?

No I wish. My sister has one but they know not to give it to me. When I was just starting to get mentally ill but before anyone knew I was actually going to buy one. Convinced my mom it was for protection but last minute I backed out. Kinda sucks.

I wanted to order SN next month but I really want to try now. It's not so much SI as this point as it is fear of failing and ending up with permanent damage. I guess i'm not even afraid of having permanent damage, only in the sense that it makes it harder for me to ctb.

 

[tpboy]

i understand your feelings.