Help Supporting Someone Else Who Attempted

[Polyxo]

A close family relative attempted to ctb. I love her so much, but it's not about me. She expressed that she doesn't want to be suicidal and explicitly said that she wanted support to get out of that headspace.

The thing is, I'm suicidal myself. She wants to lean on me because we've been so close our whole lives. She said she needs me specifically.

...What do I even say? How can I be helpful when I'm like this? Even a part of me is jealous that she was able to muster up the courage to try ctb'ing before me.

 

[Rymrgand]

I'm really sorry, it sounds like a really bad situation. I'm not the best person giving advices, and I'm sure other users will help you more, but I will give some ideas.

For example, if you think you won't be able to help her long term (because you could CTB or because it will be too much pressure), you may want to focus on helping her to create a good support network, so she can rely on other people and she doesn't "need" you.

Besides that, remember that you have your needs too. Help her as much as you can, but you still have your own issues so don't let her problems affect your own life too much. It makes no sense to get worse so she can get better, especially because if you get way worse, you won't be able to help anymore. Ideally, you would be able to help each other.

 

[cme-dme]

What @Rymrgand said + I think just being there for her is helpful enough? If she appreciates you than just your presence is probably all that's needed unless she is specifically asking things of you.

 

[SVEN]

I'm guessing she probably wants a trustworthy source to whom she can vent and unburden herself rather than someone who'll be making suggestions and offering positive thoughts.
I'm pretty sure you could listen to her and, if things get too much for you, you can always tell her that you're becoming depressed and need to back off a tad.

 

[zappynomore]

Thats a really difficult position you are in.

In a way you might actually be able to help each other a lot. Like the level of understanding and trust between you both will be huge, if you open up to each other.

But at the same time it might not be the best thing because one of you may burden the other too much and drown them with you whilst that need not be so. Like she for example might very well be able to recover. Or it could be the other way around.

I am in a kind of similar situation someone has opened up to me who was dealing with the death of her mom etc. was depressed and suicidal, they say I helped them through it and said more than once they probably wouldnt be here if it wasnt for me, but I have never really told her just how suicidal I am.

at the point now where I worry she will want to return the favor and help me get through this, but I know deep down there aint no saving me, so she will probably take it hard when I ctb maybe even blame herself.

Its tough when you are dealing with other people.

 

[Polyxo]

I'm really sorry, it sounds like a really bad situation. I'm not the best person giving advices, and I'm sure other users will help you more, but I will give some ideas.

For example, if you think you won't be able to help her long term (because you could CTB or because it will be too much pressure), you may want to focus on helping her to create a good support network, so she can rely on other people and she doesn't "need" you.

Besides that, remember that you have your needs too. Help her as much as you can, but you still have your own issues so don't let her problems affect your own life too much. It makes no sense to get worse so she can get better, especially because if you get way worse, you won't be able to help anymore. Ideally, you would be able to help each other.

I really do want to try my best to help her. We are very close and I don't want to fail her.

Thank you so much for your ideas. I guess the most I can do is the best of my ability. Trying to overreach or go beyond what I'm capable of will certainly not help.

I'm guessing she probably wants a trustworthy source to whom she can vent and unburden herself rather than someone who'll be making suggestions and offering positive thoughts.
I'm pretty sure you could listen to her and, if things get too much for you, you can always tell her that you're becoming depressed and need to back off a tad.

You're right. It's not always about offering solutions. Maybe the best thing I can offer is a listening ear... And remove myself gently if it gets too much.

 

[995.]

I really do want to try my best to help her. We are very close and I don't want to fail her.

Thank you so much for your ideas. I guess the most I can do is the best of my ability. Trying to overreach or go beyond what I'm capable of will certainly not help.

You're right. It's not always about offering solutions. Maybe the best thing I can offer is a listening ear... And remove myself gently if it gets too much.

It's very kind you want to try your best to support her, but please remember it's not your responsibility to help nor can you 'fail' in doing so. You are struggling too and shouldn't have to burden this. As others and yourself have said, sometimes the best thing to do in these scenarios is to simply listen and reassure her that she's not alone. It's hard when 2 friends are depressed - it can make things worse, even competitive (you mentioned jealousy) if either of you cannot see the light and ping pong these thoughts like an echo-chamber. On the other hand, maybe you will gain a more positive perspective on life while thinking of how to encourage her through hard times.