ScaredCutter
₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ Finding a Reason ₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊
- Oct 16, 2025
- 19
i dont know if this is stupid to talk about or to feel upset over, honestly it makes me so sad and lonely i just hate myself for it and how much damage it causes to others. i apologise if this is just pointless to talk about lol...
im very envious of others and get easily jealous, its just not fair. i cant look or listen when others have friends, i cant do certain things because of how it requires 2+ people for something. i get so attached and when i do, i get this burning hatred to whoever is close to them because i dont want to be replaced, i know im very selfish and that id just put myself first in situations where i shouldnt.
i love my boyfriend and i feel very attached and close to him, i mostly just have him (if ur not including family), i love him to death and wanna live with him. but, im always so jealous whenever he has friends, i become scared that ill be erased and be all alone and all im stuck thinking about is how much i hate those friends and how i want to make him leave them. i was like that for months approx. march-june last year and it was so fucking selfish of me, im so childish, i still have those same feelings and i start to feel more paranoid whenever those people flash into my head. ive talked to him about it more calmly but, no matter how its talked about, it sets him off because ill just end up becoming controlling over it. i stopped mentioning them because of the problems it causes but, it also hurts my boyfriend a lot, im so dumb and inconsiderate, he probably cant even trust me.
there was a time where i was able to play with him + those friends but, one of them talked about me in such a odd way, it still sticks with me. i dont recall what was said but, it was like asking "why is this person here" but in a ur unwanted matter. i just left and cried because i felt so excluded, i just wanted to trust and believe they are good and im just overthinking things but, i just grew more jealous and afraid.
i cant stand them being mentioned or seen, i hate knowing they are alive, i hate knowing they are close to my boyfriend, i hate it that they talk to eachother. i wish i wouldnt feel this way but, i cant help it, i cant really vent about it or seek any help because i know ill be looked down on and be seen as somebody who only cares about herself and what she wants. i dont know why im always going to be like this.
im very envious of others and get easily jealous, its just not fair. i cant look or listen when others have friends, i cant do certain things because of how it requires 2+ people for something. i get so attached and when i do, i get this burning hatred to whoever is close to them because i dont want to be replaced, i know im very selfish and that id just put myself first in situations where i shouldnt.
i love my boyfriend and i feel very attached and close to him, i mostly just have him (if ur not including family), i love him to death and wanna live with him. but, im always so jealous whenever he has friends, i become scared that ill be erased and be all alone and all im stuck thinking about is how much i hate those friends and how i want to make him leave them. i was like that for months approx. march-june last year and it was so fucking selfish of me, im so childish, i still have those same feelings and i start to feel more paranoid whenever those people flash into my head. ive talked to him about it more calmly but, no matter how its talked about, it sets him off because ill just end up becoming controlling over it. i stopped mentioning them because of the problems it causes but, it also hurts my boyfriend a lot, im so dumb and inconsiderate, he probably cant even trust me.
there was a time where i was able to play with him + those friends but, one of them talked about me in such a odd way, it still sticks with me. i dont recall what was said but, it was like asking "why is this person here" but in a ur unwanted matter. i just left and cried because i felt so excluded, i just wanted to trust and believe they are good and im just overthinking things but, i just grew more jealous and afraid.
i cant stand them being mentioned or seen, i hate knowing they are alive, i hate knowing they are close to my boyfriend, i hate it that they talk to eachother. i wish i wouldnt feel this way but, i cant help it, i cant really vent about it or seek any help because i know ill be looked down on and be seen as somebody who only cares about herself and what she wants. i dont know why im always going to be like this.
